> ## Documentation Index > Fetch the complete documentation index at: https://agnt.mintlify.site/llms.txt > Use this file to discover all available pages before exploring further. # Video Subtitles > Get the available subtitles of a Youtube Video ## OpenAPI ````yaml /openapi/youtube.openapi.json get /v1/data/youtube/video/subtitles openapi: 3.0.0 info: title: agntdata YouTube API description: >- Comprehensive YouTube API with robust features for YouTube search, detailed YouTube video insights, channel information, access to YouTube trending content, and personalized YouTube recommendations. version: 1.0.0 contact: name: agntdata url: https://agntdata.dev servers: - url: https://api.agntdata.dev description: agntdata API security: - ApiKeyAuth: [] tags: - name: Trending description: '' - name: Channel description: '' - name: Search description: '' - name: Video description: '' - name: Audio description: '' - name: Screenshot description: '' paths: /v1/data/youtube/video/subtitles: get: tags: - Video summary: Video Subtitles description: Get the available subtitles of a Youtube Video operationId: Video_Subtitles parameters: - name: video_id in: query required: true schema: type: string default: PuQFESk0BrA responses: '200': description: Response content: application/json: schema: $ref: '#/components/schemas/Get_youtube_video_subtitles_Response' example: lang: en is_available: true subtitles: - id: 1 start: 0.03 duration: 4.38 text: this episode of your mom's house is - id: 2 start: 1.86 duration: 4.769 text: brought to you by satva luxury mattress - id: 3 start: 4.41 duration: 4.17 text: the only online mattress company that - id: 4 start: 6.629 duration: 5.031 text: provides free delivery setup and - id: 5 start: 8.58 duration: 3.08 text: mattress removal - id: 6 start: 15.12 duration: 3.029 text: '[Music]' - id: 7 start: 22.64 duration: 22.41 text: Oh - id: 8 start: 24.46 duration: 22.95 text: '[Music]' - id: 9 start: 45.05 duration: 4.61 text: is that the one that tycoons at me - id: 10 start: 47.41 duration: 6.84 text: '[Music]' - id: 11 start: 49.66 duration: 6.36 text: I feel like it is well I hope it is - id: 12 start: 54.25 duration: 3.78 text: tackling thanks very much - id: 13 start: 56.02 duration: 6.44 text: if it wasn't you thanks to whoever else - id: 14 start: 58.03 duration: 7.68 text: did it gene where you gonna be February - id: 15 start: 62.46 duration: 5.59 text: 28th through March 2nd Madison Wisconsin - id: 16 start: 65.71 duration: 5.04 text: it become Anya comedy club on state - id: 17 start: 68.05 duration: 5.73 text: April 4 through 6 mini Apple tits - id: 18 start: 70.75 duration: 6.03 text: Minnesota at the Acme Acme meeting - id: 19 start: 73.78 duration: 6.33 text: comedy club May 10th and 11th Tempe - id: 20 start: 76.78 duration: 5.4 text: Arizona at the temp temp on improv May - id: 21 start: 80.11 duration: 6.21 text: 31st through June 1st sperm bank - id: 22 start: 82.18 duration: 7.56 text: California flappers and then June 20th - id: 23 start: 86.32 duration: 6.329 text: through 22nd Washington dick come at the - id: 24 start: 89.74 duration: 7.23 text: "dick [\___\_] improv tickets at Christine up" - id: 25 start: 92.649 duration: 9.75 text: heat on line all right Jean naté I'm - id: 26 start: 96.97 duration: 7.38 text: going to be where I'm in Tampa probably - id: 27 start: 102.399 duration: 3.421 text: still get in those shows are sold out he - id: 28 start: 104.35 duration: 3.9 text: could probably still get into the Hard - id: 29 start: 105.82 duration: 3.719 text: Rock at the Seminole Hard Rock in - id: 30 start: 108.25 duration: 5.039 text: Hollywood Florida - id: 31 start: 109.539 duration: 7.621 text: this March 9th and then I'm in Portland - id: 32 start: 113.289 duration: 5.551 text: Maine Red Bank New Jersey Long Island - id: 33 start: 117.16 duration: 3 text: and New Haven Connecticut I think New - id: 34 start: 118.84 duration: 5.49 text: Haven's the only one with tickets left - id: 35 start: 120.16 duration: 6.299 text: March 30th from there Madison Wisconsin - id: 36 start: 124.33 duration: 5.459 text: myself two shows still tickets available - id: 37 start: 126.459 duration: 6.121 text: to the Late Show Milwaukee Mara April - id: 38 start: 129.789 duration: 5.491 text: twelfth Late Show has tickets and then - id: 39 start: 132.58 duration: 5.46 text: Nashville April 14th Late Show with - id: 40 start: 135.28 duration: 5.55 text: tickets there let's see they added a - id: 41 start: 138.04 duration: 4.919 text: show in Medford at the chevalier April - id: 42 start: 140.83 duration: 4.46 text: 28th you can get tickets to The Late - id: 43 start: 142.959 duration: 9.241 text: Show they're all available at Tom Segura - id: 44 start: 145.29 duration: 10.38 text: dot-com / tor check it out try it out - id: 45 start: 152.2 duration: 6.99 text: try it out thought up mom thanks Gino - id: 46 start: 155.67 duration: 4.3 text: Gina wrap yeah very excited about today - id: 47 start: 159.19 duration: 5.07 text: haha - id: 48 start: 159.97 duration: 7.56 text: we had to pour new cement slabs under - id: 49 start: 164.26 duration: 6 text: the studio and we are gonna have a lot - id: 50 start: 167.53 duration: 6.599 text: of fun with my dear friend and your dear - id: 51 start: 170.26 duration: 5.25 text: friend right coolers burnt credit - id: 52 start: 174.129 duration: 5.791 text: Crisler Bert - id: 53 start: 175.51 duration: 6.6 text: kkkk crisis an interesting twist to his - id: 54 start: 179.92 duration: 3.63 text: career yeah - id: 55 start: 182.11 duration: 2.73 text: it's gonna be a lot of fun all right - id: 56 start: 183.55 duration: 2.78 text: let's kick off this show let's get this - id: 57 start: 184.84 duration: 6.38 text: party started - id: 58 start: 186.33 duration: 8.44 text: Alexa what do you look for in a man - id: 59 start: 191.22 duration: 6.49 text: black guys are lookin good if you're a - id: 60 start: 194.77 duration: 5.19 text: hot black guy and you want to Mia 2395 - id: 61 start: 197.71 duration: 5.58 text: if you want to move that you can move in - id: 62 start: 199.96 duration: 6.36 text: but you gotta me hi I need to be a lot - id: 63 start: 203.29 duration: 6.33 text: man free food free rent and everything - id: 64 start: 206.32 duration: 7.26 text: else in it here's the deal man - id: 65 start: 209.62 duration: 6.089 text: men from jail if your thug - id: 66 start: 213.58 duration: 4.68 text: you want to come move in your friend can - id: 67 start: 215.709 duration: 6.061 text: move into my rent you get the lease - id: 68 start: 218.26 duration: 7.05 text: Aniki me this on me beat me - id: 69 start: 221.77 duration: 5.88 text: oh here now if you see me and you want - id: 70 start: 225.31 duration: 5.07 text: to come over today and try it out try it - id: 71 start: 227.65 duration: 6.63 text: out if you're in my building try it out - id: 72 start: 230.38 duration: 8.01 text: if you want to piss on me no serious - id: 73 start: 234.28 duration: 6.45 text: repairs and just me I'm looking for - id: 74 start: 238.39 duration: 4.71 text: hardcore guys and mean it and want to do - id: 75 start: 240.73 duration: 4.88 text: it and I want it delivered I'm a hot - id: 76 start: 243.1 duration: 2.51 text: white trash - id: 77 start: 255.98 duration: 7.099 text: '[Music]' - id: 78 start: 257.209 duration: 5.87 text: Tom Segura my sister Christina - id: 79 start: 268.77 duration: 3.47 text: '[Music]' - id: 80 start: 275.63 duration: 3.009 text: '[Music]' - id: 81 start: 298.3 duration: 3.91 text: Wow - id: 82 start: 299.81 duration: 3.72 text: I thought we were just doing a little - id: 83 start: 302.21 duration: 4.019 text: teaser I didn't realize we're gonna get - id: 84 start: 303.53 duration: 4.71 text: the whole the whole famous speech on - id: 85 start: 306.229 duration: 6.451 text: that I like I thought it was just like - id: 86 start: 308.24 duration: 7.32 text: there's a deal man well I like Alexa - id: 87 start: 312.68 duration: 6.51 text: saying it especially with the emotion - id: 88 start: 315.56 duration: 6 text: taken out of it you really get me - id: 89 start: 319.19 duration: 6.03 text: you really get to understand how crazy - id: 90 start: 321.56 duration: 5.82 text: that guy is yeah and how absurd the the - id: 91 start: 325.22 duration: 5.46 text: speech actually is oh yeah with all the - id: 92 start: 327.38 duration: 5.819 text: emotions right oh yeah no emotion no - id: 93 start: 330.68 duration: 3.87 text: just on a verbal like on the page lovely - id: 94 start: 333.199 duration: 3.121 text: like well this guy's really out it was - id: 95 start: 334.55 duration: 6.899 text: fun be like reading the college is - id: 96 start: 336.32 duration: 6.96 text: reading a script and being like yeah I'm - id: 97 start: 341.449 duration: 2.46 text: not sure what choice to make it's pretty - id: 98 start: 343.28 duration: 2.37 text: amazing - id: 99 start: 343.909 duration: 6.901 text: I don't know who did that do you know - id: 100 start: 345.65 duration: 6.419 text: who put that together okay yeah we - id: 101 start: 350.81 duration: 2.849 text: should probably I didn't know you could - id: 102 start: 352.069 duration: 3 text: train Alexa to turn your lights on and - id: 103 start: 353.659 duration: 8.01 text: off - what was that all about they were - id: 104 start: 355.069 duration: 10.38 text: going on Tom is a hard hard dick Nick or - id: 105 start: 361.669 duration: 6.211 text: "whatever his [\___\_] name is hard hard" - id: 106 start: 365.449 duration: 5.19 text: shits Nick hard shits Nick yeah taking - id: 107 start: 367.88 duration: 5.159 text: glass dumps yeah he was um really - id: 108 start: 370.639 duration: 4.53 text: something right yeah man try it out try - id: 109 start: 373.039 duration: 4.261 text: it out me start out your episode is - id: 110 start: 375.169 duration: 6.391 text: zombie baby home you know hold me on - id: 111 start: 377.3 duration: 7.47 text: yeah the moment you know I think about - id: 112 start: 381.56 duration: 6 text: him the tripod guy what yeah - id: 113 start: 384.77 duration: 12.239 text: I think about him like once a week you - id: 114 start: 387.56 duration: 11.4 text: should think about people hold me on out - id: 115 start: 397.009 duration: 6.69 text: yes people think it's that I think it's - id: 116 start: 398.96 duration: 7.889 text: home here now yeah I'm home here now I'm - id: 117 start: 403.699 duration: 5.551 text: home here now yeah I'm here now yeah - id: 118 start: 406.849 duration: 4.021 text: but I think about him every now and then - id: 119 start: 409.25 duration: 5.969 text: and I you know what I really think about - id: 120 start: 410.87 duration: 6.75 text: is how he's managed to be this internet - id: 121 start: 415.219 duration: 6.12 text: famous and he hasn't reached out to us - id: 122 start: 417.62 duration: 5.609 text: or like somebody in his life has got to - id: 123 start: 421.339 duration: 3.121 text: have heard it at some point and been - id: 124 start: 423.229 duration: 3.031 text: like hey dude do you know that you're on - id: 125 start: 424.46 duration: 3.36 text: this podcast and these people are - id: 126 start: 426.26 duration: 3.54 text: talking about this video you made and - id: 127 start: 427.82 duration: 3.51 text: "he's like I I kind of [\___\_] up that was" - id: 128 start: 429.8 duration: 6.42 text: silly like what do you think his react - id: 129 start: 431.33 duration: 9.09 text: Oh God would be woof Harley has it - id: 130 start: 436.22 duration: 7.86 text: together in any way whatsoever here now - id: 131 start: 440.42 duration: 6 text: guy is not his life is not like oh yeah - id: 132 start: 444.08 duration: 6.09 text: I finally pulled it together and I can - id: 133 start: 446.42 duration: 6.84 text: reflect back he's getting pissed on him - id: 134 start: 450.17 duration: 4.68 text: beat on right now but that's what I - id: 135 start: 453.26 duration: 4.11 text: wondered too is do you think his dreams - id: 136 start: 454.85 duration: 4.56 text: came true did he get what he wanted yeah - id: 137 start: 457.37 duration: 5.64 text: in some way yeah I don't think someone - id: 138 start: 459.41 duration: 5.25 text: moved in I think I think someone here is - id: 139 start: 463.01 duration: 5.97 text: there's probably a couple ups guys but - id: 140 start: 464.66 duration: 6.42 text: like yeah but in that building do you - id: 141 start: 468.98 duration: 5.28 text: think you found a black guy yeah who - id: 142 start: 471.08 duration: 5.88 text: likes it's like a photo yeah yeah black - id: 143 start: 474.26 duration: 4.47 text: guys at a jail that has to be the - id: 144 start: 476.96 duration: 4.53 text: craziest video besides Terry - id: 145 start: 478.73 duration: 8.28 text: but even Terry is of sound mind he's - id: 146 start: 481.49 duration: 7.68 text: just an exhibition yeah Scotty K did the - id: 147 start: 487.01 duration: 7.4 text: Alexa clip so Thank You Scotty K for - id: 148 start: 489.17 duration: 10.74 text: submit really good talent you got a real - id: 149 start: 494.41 duration: 8.11 text: yeah so a couple weeks back I shared a - id: 150 start: 499.91 duration: 4.32 text: bold confession with Eugene yeah a - id: 151 start: 502.52 duration: 14.76 text: confession I shared for the first time - id: 152 start: 504.23 duration: 15.06 text: on the show that guy is just having a - id: 153 start: 517.28 duration: 4.62 text: good day yeah that's true - id: 154 start: 519.29 duration: 6.87 text: he's just came to faith I feel like the - id: 155 start: 521.9 duration: 6.03 text: other guy the try it out guy he's trying - id: 156 start: 526.16 duration: 3.69 text: to improve his life yeah he's looking - id: 157 start: 527.93 duration: 4.14 text: for the answer and the answer is black - id: 158 start: 529.85 duration: 4.65 text: "guys yeah who like to [\___\_] [\___\_] good" - id: 159 start: 532.07 duration: 4.59 text: yeah yeah you know what was your big - id: 160 start: 534.5 duration: 3.84 text: confession so my big confession a couple - id: 161 start: 536.66 duration: 6.54 text: weeks back is we all remember was why - id: 162 start: 538.34 duration: 7.77 text: I'm H exclusive that I had my very first - id: 163 start: 543.2 duration: 5.49 text: liquid shart ever yep never in my life - id: 164 start: 546.11 duration: 4.71 text: it was a big deal yeah and so - id: 165 start: 548.69 duration: 4.41 text: interestingly enough this last weekend I - id: 166 start: 550.82 duration: 4.57 text: ordered the same exact meal that - id: 167 start: 553.1 duration: 5.32 text: produced the first chart yeah - id: 168 start: 555.39 duration: 4.71 text: and what it is I order from a company - id: 169 start: 558.42 duration: 4.71 text: called Pizza Rev and I get the - id: 170 start: 560.1 duration: 4.979 text: cauliflower crust pizza and I order all - id: 171 start: 563.13 duration: 4.079 text: the meat toppings on there I get two - id: 172 start: 565.079 duration: 5.601 text: types of pepperoni spicy and regular I - id: 173 start: 567.209 duration: 6.481 text: get the Italian sausage and garlic and - id: 174 start: 570.68 duration: 5.2 text: what I noticed was because I ate the - id: 175 start: 573.69 duration: 3.99 text: same thing this time halfway through my - id: 176 start: 575.88 duration: 3.899 text: meal I thought I think it might be the - id: 177 start: 577.68 duration: 4.92 text: garlic that's giving me diarrhea yeah - id: 178 start: 579.779 duration: 5.071 text: and I took off the garlic and lo and - id: 179 start: 582.6 duration: 4.47 text: behold yes I had runny dumps the next - id: 180 start: 584.85 duration: 3.9 text: day but it wasn't it's bad it wasn't as - id: 181 start: 587.07 duration: 5.12 text: bad as it was before and I think it's - id: 182 start: 588.75 duration: 3.44 text: because of the garlic that's my my - id: 183 start: 592.31 duration: 5.41 text: hypotenuse really neat - id: 184 start: 594.149 duration: 5.851 text: I had a shark scared - id: 185 start: 597.72 duration: 3.869 text: you're kidding in Washington a scare or - id: 186 start: 600 duration: 4.23 text: a legit sure well here's what happened - id: 187 start: 601.589 duration: 6.56 text: so Wow I'm on the bus we're about to get - id: 188 start: 604.23 duration: 6.33 text: off the bus to go into the theater I'm I - id: 189 start: 608.149 duration: 5.201 text: fart like I'm gonna rip it this far - id: 190 start: 610.56 duration: 5.88 text: right yeah and I'm like that's more than - id: 191 start: 613.35 duration: 5.489 text: "a fart and I panic yes you don't [\___\_] on" - id: 192 start: 616.44 duration: 5.459 text: the bus so I learned that I can shuffle - id: 193 start: 618.839 duration: 4.711 text: over to the theater I drop trou and I - id: 194 start: 621.899 duration: 4.231 text: realized I don't see anything in the - id: 195 start: 623.55 duration: 5.37 text: underwear I'm like thank God but like I - id: 196 start: 626.13 duration: 6.569 text: don't check my butt cheeks I just sit on - id: 197 start: 628.92 duration: 5.76 text: a toilet a disaster come out yeah here's - id: 198 start: 632.699 duration: 4.411 text: the thing I I start having like a couple - id: 199 start: 634.68 duration: 4.649 text: other loose ones after them yeah and - id: 200 start: 637.11 duration: 5.07 text: this is like an hour before the show the - id: 201 start: 639.329 duration: 5.221 text: first show so I asked him for pepto I - id: 202 start: 642.18 duration: 5.31 text: just drink some pepto drink a little - id: 203 start: 644.55 duration: 4.77 text: soda you know try yeah and then I'm okay - id: 204 start: 647.49 duration: 5.219 text: I do the first show I forget about it - id: 205 start: 649.32 duration: 5.91 text: I forget about it then I'm in the green - id: 206 start: 652.709 duration: 6.87 text: room with Jeff Tate and I go check this - id: 207 start: 655.23 duration: 9.09 text: "[\___\_] out huh and I feel the same thing" - id: 208 start: 659.579 duration: 7.891 text: I'm like because I forgot oh no sketchy - id: 209 start: 664.32 duration: 4.74 text: "[\___\_] oh yeah and so that's scary when" - id: 210 start: 667.47 duration: 3.9 text: you forget and then like a little more - id: 211 start: 669.06 duration: 3.66 text: comes out and again I got lucky with the - id: 212 start: 671.37 duration: 2.579 text: underwear I didn't get any underwear but - id: 213 start: 672.72 duration: 4.14 text: yeah I was - id: 214 start: 673.949 duration: 4.561 text: it was definitely and I think it was you - id: 215 start: 676.86 duration: 3.78 text: know yeah but it's probably just a road - id: 216 start: 678.51 duration: 3.84 text: week cuz you were a lot of different - id: 217 start: 680.64 duration: 4.439 text: cities that'll do it just bacteria - id: 218 start: 682.35 duration: 5.76 text: because I often forgot about my shart - - id: 219 start: 685.079 duration: 4.951 text: and I would fart in the kitchen again - id: 220 start: 688.11 duration: 3.74 text: I bet or not now I don't want to I'm not - id: 221 start: 690.03 duration: 4.83 text: gonna write out who in this office but - id: 222 start: 691.85 duration: 4.54 text: somebody here also had a shart they - id: 223 start: 694.86 duration: 4.5 text: don't they would prefer their identity - id: 224 start: 696.39 duration: 4.44 text: there's a lot of charters here and it - id: 225 start: 699.36 duration: 3.12 text: occurred to me that because there's so - id: 226 start: 700.83 duration: 4.14 text: much happening it's kind of a short week - id: 227 start: 702.48 duration: 4.68 text: here it is for a week yeah yeah it's - id: 228 start: 704.97 duration: 4.95 text: rare this there's a guy in who I'm sure - id: 229 start: 707.16 duration: 5.34 text: has shrunk if you told me that bet on it - id: 230 start: 709.92 duration: 4.53 text: I'd be like a million dollars yeah let's - id: 231 start: 712.5 duration: 2.91 text: ask him when he comes in how many sharks - id: 232 start: 714.45 duration: 3.78 text: he's ever had - id: 233 start: 715.41 duration: 4.38 text: well should we get into who's here and - id: 234 start: 718.23 duration: 7.08 text: what what we've been talking about of - id: 235 start: 719.79 duration: 7.13 text: course man we have the great Bert - id: 236 start: 725.31 duration: 5.85 text: Kreischer is gonna be joining us here - id: 237 start: 726.92 duration: 6.88 text: very funny very funny also very fat as - id: 238 start: 731.16 duration: 4.92 text: we all know and very racist and we've - id: 239 start: 733.8 duration: 4.56 text: been looking at pictures of him oh my - id: 240 start: 736.08 duration: 3.87 text: god that's him at the store Jean that's - id: 241 start: 738.36 duration: 3.42 text: him at the Comedy Store during the main - id: 242 start: 739.95 duration: 6.44 text: room his shirt listen to me it's like - id: 243 start: 741.78 duration: 8.52 text: yesterday or the day before that is not - id: 244 start: 746.39 duration: 7.81 text: know his belly is so distended and - id: 245 start: 750.3 duration: 10.02 text: swollen like an African John Rosen or - id: 246 start: 754.2 duration: 8.4 text: him all right whoa boy - id: 247 start: 760.32 duration: 5.64 text: that's him that's a big fat aturday no - id: 248 start: 762.6 duration: 8.13 text: sunday yeah at the last or like a week - id: 249 start: 765.96 duration: 7.11 text: ago act in Vegas I was like Jesus he's - id: 250 start: 770.73 duration: 4.2 text: so fat now do you think burn is better - id: 251 start: 773.07 duration: 6.09 text: now than he was before you guys - id: 252 start: 774.93 duration: 6.3 text: weight-loss competition mmm close its - id: 253 start: 779.16 duration: 3.54 text: close it's not good whatever it is you - id: 254 start: 781.23 duration: 3.75 text: know what's crazy that about his body - id: 255 start: 782.7 duration: 4.74 text: you can tell that he's meant to have a - id: 256 start: 784.98 duration: 3.78 text: like a rad body because do you see like - id: 257 start: 787.44 duration: 4.23 text: his cut lines - id: 258 start: 788.76 duration: 4.77 text: dude I'm saying like his hip oh it's - id: 259 start: 791.67 duration: 3.3 text: weird because he still has like my - id: 260 start: 793.53 duration: 4.2 text: chiseled L he doesn't wear underwear - id: 261 start: 794.97 duration: 4.59 text: yeah somebody never does because he has - id: 262 start: 797.73 duration: 6.39 text: that sense recently looking at a naked - id: 263 start: 799.56 duration: 5.64 text: guy with a cloth yeah yeah but do you - id: 264 start: 804.12 duration: 3.51 text: see what I'm saying then he's got that - id: 265 start: 805.2 duration: 3.54 text: hip bone yeah yeah like Ryan Gosling has - id: 266 start: 807.63 duration: 2.75 text: that mm-hmm - id: 267 start: 808.74 duration: 5.94 text: you should tell him that don't come up - id: 268 start: 810.38 duration: 5.92 text: the same body constantly look at that - id: 269 start: 814.68 duration: 3.33 text: guy in the front row with arms folded - id: 270 start: 816.3 duration: 3.14 text: yeah he's looks guys discussing hey just - id: 271 start: 818.01 duration: 8.78 text: sit here - id: 272 start: 819.44 duration: 9 text: he's fat - he's like no spatter so we um - id: 273 start: 826.79 duration: 3.51 text: we were looking at like who because - id: 274 start: 828.44 duration: 3.93 text: remember when would this all started and - id: 275 start: 830.3 duration: 4.529 text: the whole fashion meetings started when - id: 276 start: 832.37 duration: 7.949 text: we were talking about that he kind of - id: 277 start: 834.829 duration: 10.171 text: looks like Gerard Depardieu he had like - id: 278 start: 840.319 duration: 6.96 text: naked scenes yeah in this movie has a - id: 279 start: 845 duration: 6.149 text: new look now and I think he looks more - id: 280 start: 847.279 duration: 7.62 text: like these guys like there's Dennis HOF - id: 281 start: 851.149 duration: 5.88 text: that kind of has five well here's here's - id: 282 start: 854.899 duration: 2.821 text: why though is cuz Bert's face is getting - id: 283 start: 857.029 duration: 3.18 text: redder - id: 284 start: 857.72 duration: 4.14 text: yeah redder and rounder yeah it's the - id: 285 start: 860.209 duration: 3.961 text: well it looks like him right there I - id: 286 start: 861.86 duration: 11.219 text: think he really looks like like this guy - id: 287 start: 864.17 duration: 11.55 text: in that he kicked it yeah Vania there's - id: 288 start: 873.079 duration: 5.221 text: this other pic this yeah that's burnt a - id: 289 start: 875.72 duration: 4.859 text: hundred percent the smile you know like - id: 290 start: 878.3 duration: 3.839 text: the energy yeah and the essence yeah I - id: 291 start: 880.579 duration: 4.351 text: feel like you put a beard on that guy - id: 292 start: 882.139 duration: 4.62 text: that's bird that is Burt yeah who's he - id: 293 start: 884.93 duration: 2.849 text: with well who's that he with an author - id: 294 start: 886.759 duration: 9.901 text: you don't know who that is - id: 295 start: 887.779 duration: 13.021 text: that's JK Rowling she wrote the P let's - id: 296 start: 896.66 duration: 5.82 text: surprise her if somebody could put - id: 297 start: 900.8 duration: 5.88 text: Bert's head on that photo that would be - id: 298 start: 902.48 duration: 6.51 text: great so there's Bert waters Bert too - id: 299 start: 906.68 duration: 5.579 text: bad TMZ hasn't caught on and they're not - id: 300 start: 908.99 duration: 7.23 text: covering it in detail and they're fini - id: 301 start: 912.259 duration: 7.14 text: my favorite to this day Sopranos I mean - id: 302 start: 916.22 duration: 6 text: I love that show he's so talented this - id: 303 start: 919.399 duration: 5.19 text: dude god damn it - id: 304 start: 922.22 duration: 6.66 text: when do you think Bert's gonna die oh - id: 305 start: 924.589 duration: 6.511 text: jesus don't go there I mean God well no - id: 306 start: 928.88 duration: 3.48 text: I mean and let's be realistic here it's - id: 307 start: 931.1 duration: 2.88 text: my friend I don't want this he's my - id: 308 start: 932.36 duration: 2.88 text: friend too and I care about him and - id: 309 start: 933.98 duration: 6.1 text: that's why I'm being a little harsh - id: 310 start: 935.24 duration: 7.459 text: because I was yeah just like that huh - id: 311 start: 940.08 duration: 6.47 text: '[Laughter]' - id: 312 start: 942.699 duration: 5.681 text: just like that yeah cuz here's the deal - id: 313 start: 946.55 duration: 4.709 text: man here's what I'm thinking yeah this - id: 314 start: 948.38 duration: 4.86 text: new bus life that he's embarked on yeah - id: 315 start: 951.259 duration: 2.221 text: has probably made it a lot easier to - id: 316 start: 953.24 duration: 2.939 text: part - id: 317 start: 953.48 duration: 4.079 text: we've gotten into it yeah you know what - id: 318 start: 956.179 duration: 4.861 text: I'm saying oh yeah yeah he told me he's - id: 319 start: 957.559 duration: 5.43 text: like we he he got a grill for his buzz I - id: 320 start: 961.04 duration: 4.199 text: think a grill company gave him one he's - id: 321 start: 962.989 duration: 6.87 text: like we smoked meats and we drink until - id: 322 start: 965.239 duration: 7.171 text: like 4:00 every night oh I love him so - id: 323 start: 969.859 duration: 5.871 text: much and I don't you know I don't want - id: 324 start: 972.41 duration: 7.289 text: it to lose him obviously of course not - id: 325 start: 975.73 duration: 6.93 text: not up to us you can only try so many - id: 326 start: 979.699 duration: 5.82 text: times you know you can't it's up to him - id: 327 start: 982.66 duration: 5.109 text: honey chuckleheads laughing I know why - id: 328 start: 985.519 duration: 4.35 text: you're laughing are you laughing that - id: 329 start: 987.769 duration: 6.05 text: blue man I don't know what's going on - id: 330 start: 989.869 duration: 7.32 text: that's just oh yeah how's this job - id: 331 start: 993.819 duration: 6.01 text: should we uh should we go ahead and take - id: 332 start: 997.189 duration: 4.68 text: a break yeah let's go he's not taking a - id: 333 start: 999.829 duration: 4.29 text: "[\___\_] in our bathroom let's ask him about" - id: 334 start: 1001.869 duration: 5.19 text: those shirts we will share them in just - id: 335 start: 1004.119 duration: 7.611 text: a moment we'll be back to talking about - id: 336 start: 1007.059 duration: 4.671 text: farts and dicks after this quick break - id: 337 start: 1012.37 duration: 6 text: give it up for the fattest and most - id: 338 start: 1015.01 duration: 8.16 text: racist comedian working today Bert's - id: 339 start: 1018.37 duration: 7.1 text: Kreischer all right now I can't wait to - id: 340 start: 1023.17 duration: 6.51 text: see what moniker I add on to that today - id: 341 start: 1025.47 duration: 4.21 text: '[Laughter]' - id: 342 start: 1033.329 duration: 6.641 text: "it's the most [\___\_] exhausting because" - id: 343 start: 1037.92 duration: 4.149 text: you have no idea because ever have - id: 344 start: 1039.97 duration: 3.42 text: people like like your dad or your wife - id: 345 start: 1042.069 duration: 5.341 text: going what I have people saying you're - id: 346 start: 1043.39 duration: 6.06 text: racist agents promoters yes - id: 347 start: 1047.41 duration: 3.39 text: everyone has said and then we get a lot - id: 348 start: 1049.45 duration: 3.15 text: of feedback that you're racist - id: 349 start: 1050.8 duration: 4.92 text: and there's that what you bring to the - id: 350 start: 1052.6 duration: 5.37 text: "show no not at all is my [\___\_]" - id: 351 start: 1055.72 duration: 14.79 text: "[\___\_] friend Tom started it as a lark" - id: 352 start: 1057.97 duration: 13.68 text: "and I [\___\_] hit it out of the bar the" - id: 353 start: 1070.51 duration: 10.65 text: body shots - id: 354 start: 1071.65 duration: 15.36 text: world tour no blacks allowed Wow I did - id: 355 start: 1081.16 duration: 7.74 text: not make that section that's not real do - id: 356 start: 1087.01 duration: 4.44 text: as awful as when so when that people - id: 357 start: 1088.9 duration: 5.7 text: comment on it in the comment section - id: 358 start: 1091.45 duration: 6.39 text: yeah oh this is my you're such a fat - id: 359 start: 1094.6 duration: 5.07 text: "racist [\___\_] and then and then new fans" - id: 360 start: 1097.84 duration: 6.06 text: that have just found me from Netflix and - id: 361 start: 1099.67 duration: 6.06 text: defend me yeah and there's no racist so - id: 362 start: 1103.9 duration: 2.279 text: Gary don't even have a racist joke in my - id: 363 start: 1105.73 duration: 1.74 text: act - id: 364 start: 1106.179 duration: 2.791 text: yeah and there's nothing there and - id: 365 start: 1107.47 duration: 2.339 text: they're like it's jokes if you can't - id: 366 start: 1108.97 duration: 2.67 text: learn how to take a joke - id: 367 start: 1109.809 duration: 6.291 text: he makes fun of everyone equally oh my - id: 368 start: 1111.64 duration: 4.46 text: god buddy it's a picture of my daughter - id: 369 start: 1121.679 duration: 8.011 text: "we all are I'm gonna shut the [\___\_] up oh" - id: 370 start: 1124.86 duration: 7.54 text: "it's [\___\_] exhausting I even have a" - id: 371 start: 1129.69 duration: 3.79 text: joke in my act now where I go I just had - id: 372 start: 1132.4 duration: 2.67 text: a baby and I'm fatter than Bert - id: 373 start: 1133.48 duration: 5.94 text: Kreischer and the place just they light - id: 374 start: 1135.07 duration: 7.02 text: up it's great I'd like to keep it in a - id: 375 start: 1139.42 duration: 4.85 text: special if I may I get I still I mean - id: 376 start: 1142.09 duration: 5.27 text: every every city everywhere - id: 377 start: 1144.27 duration: 5.46 text: "people yell [\___\_] Bert [\___\_] bird I like" - id: 378 start: 1147.36 duration: 10.949 text: your tour bus I'm like all right haven't - id: 379 start: 1149.73 duration: 9.86 text: seen your tour bus but here's pictures - id: 380 start: 1158.309 duration: 4.231 text: though - id: 381 start: 1159.59 duration: 4.75 text: so here's my picture wait I wouldn't see - id: 382 start: 1162.54 duration: 7.44 text: a picture this tour bus and not the - id: 383 start: 1164.34 duration: 9.35 text: outside oh oh that was the funniest - id: 384 start: 1169.98 duration: 6.3 text: "[\___\_] I'd ever saw that one" - id: 385 start: 1173.69 duration: 4.57 text: Jesus is that Birds tour bus or yours oh - id: 386 start: 1176.28 duration: 4.89 text: my god so I took a picture in front of - id: 387 start: 1178.26 duration: 8.82 text: my dollies I did retweet that yeah oh I - id: 388 start: 1181.17 duration: 9.87 text: guess I did see it ask Photoshop to make - id: 389 start: 1187.08 duration: 6.84 text: it more sad did your body language it - id: 390 start: 1191.04 duration: 5.51 text: was so sad dude the best one was the - id: 391 start: 1193.92 duration: 6.389 text: Rogaine one that was a good one that - id: 392 start: 1196.55 duration: 6.129 text: buzz Oh Donald Sudhir we lost our - id: 393 start: 1200.309 duration: 5.661 text: McDonald's sponsors you so bummed oh - id: 394 start: 1202.679 duration: 5.611 text: love ya I love taco in a cheeseburger - id: 395 start: 1205.97 duration: 4.209 text: okay why it's when you take half of the - id: 396 start: 1208.29 duration: 4.56 text: bottle off and just talk about you yeah - id: 397 start: 1210.179 duration: 8.641 text: it's healthy way to eat it you have all - id: 398 start: 1212.85 duration: 7.98 text: these health secrets tell me more on a - id: 399 start: 1218.82 duration: 4.68 text: Sunday on a Sunday night at 4:00 p.m. - id: 400 start: 1220.83 duration: 4.17 text: takers annex okay okay TJ sit with a - id: 401 start: 1223.5 duration: 3.2 text: double Cheetos and soda you go to bed - id: 402 start: 1225 duration: 3.96 text: without dinner you wake up Monday skinny - id: 403 start: 1226.7 duration: 3.4 text: and if it's President's Day you take an - id: 404 start: 1228.96 duration: 2.82 text: ambien first thing when you wake up - id: 405 start: 1230.1 duration: 3.18 text: Monday and you sleep off Monday and then - id: 406 start: 1231.78 duration: 5.04 text: that night you've had no calories it's - id: 407 start: 1233.28 duration: 7.68 text: two days of advice with Burke razor such - id: 408 start: 1236.82 duration: 4.98 text: good advice most doctors use this what - id: 409 start: 1240.96 duration: 3.39 text: are you doing here - id: 410 start: 1241.8 duration: 5.97 text: can we see this outside this trough - id: 411 start: 1244.35 duration: 5.4 text: Burnley like not ours just couldn't get - id: 412 start: 1247.77 duration: 4.65 text: up and I can't ask my dad to get me help - id: 413 start: 1249.75 duration: 5.4 text: as to where I need him to help me do - id: 414 start: 1252.42 duration: 4.889 text: this oh my god hang on stop they put my - id: 415 start: 1255.15 duration: 4.05 text: face I didn't realize what was happening - id: 416 start: 1257.309 duration: 4.291 text: I was like wait that looks like me but - id: 417 start: 1259.2 duration: 4.53 text: that doesn't sound like me they put my - id: 418 start: 1261.6 duration: 5.48 text: face on the 600 pound life guy yeah - id: 419 start: 1263.73 duration: 5.88 text: "that's [\___\_] Geno's wants to be doing" - id: 420 start: 1267.08 duration: 5.54 text: you know 30s or whatever it looks like I - id: 421 start: 1269.61 duration: 5.03 text: had a stroke it looks it looks - id: 422 start: 1272.62 duration: 4.63 text: you know what's interesting is that the - id: 423 start: 1274.64 duration: 4.56 text: hands the arms match actually yeah how - id: 424 start: 1277.25 duration: 4.92 text: he gestures I would say there's like the - id: 425 start: 1279.2 duration: 3.9 text: way that your face like like that that - id: 426 start: 1282.17 duration: 3.84 text: expression on your face - id: 427 start: 1283.1 duration: 6.06 text: perfect perfect yeah it's a lot of it's - id: 428 start: 1286.01 duration: 4.7 text: pretty accurate yeah especially that big - id: 429 start: 1289.16 duration: 4.38 text: right nut yes - id: 430 start: 1290.71 duration: 5.44 text: yeah big right one I have one that's big - id: 431 start: 1293.54 duration: 4.89 text: really start to get a Fupa yeah - id: 432 start: 1296.15 duration: 3.93 text: Oh before we move any further this is a - id: 433 start: 1298.43 duration: 2.97 text: fart mic if you have to fart go ahead - id: 434 start: 1300.08 duration: 2.88 text: and let us know and we'll hand it over - id: 435 start: 1301.4 duration: 4.92 text: the way my body is reacting I'll - id: 436 start: 1302.96 duration: 6.09 text: "probably [\___\_] my pants yeah oh yeah your" - id: 437 start: 1306.32 duration: 4.41 text: mom's house because this is short week - id: 438 start: 1309.05 duration: 4.41 text: and we were gonna ask you if you have - id: 439 start: 1310.73 duration: 3.48 text: any excellent sharted on my bus over the - id: 440 start: 1313.46 duration: 3.15 text: weekend - id: 441 start: 1314.21 duration: 7.47 text: i sharted in bed with Leeanne yesterday - id: 442 start: 1316.61 duration: 7.38 text: avoidance on sharted onto the sheets and - id: 443 start: 1321.68 duration: 4.92 text: then had run you know like tippy-toe it - id: 444 start: 1323.99 duration: 7.32 text: into the bathroom and then just rifled - id: 445 start: 1326.6 duration: 9.45 text: it out hold on so the night before so - id: 446 start: 1331.31 duration: 6.81 text: now I was I was vegan for a while what - id: 447 start: 1336.05 duration: 4.89 text: describe a while everyone has this kind - id: 448 start: 1338.12 duration: 4.95 text: of subjective roughly three days okay - id: 449 start: 1340.94 duration: 4.52 text: roughly three days with a few cheat - id: 450 start: 1343.07 duration: 2.39 text: meals - id: 451 start: 1348.04 duration: 4.33 text: health book you writing no we were - id: 452 start: 1350.78 duration: 5.46 text: always wrong at an airport that like - id: 453 start: 1352.37 duration: 5.58 text: you're gonna vomit right I was drugged - id: 454 start: 1356.24 duration: 3.45 text: "get it Airport help [\___\_] sweating now" - id: 455 start: 1357.95 duration: 3.51 text: yeah I was drunk in an airport and I was - id: 456 start: 1359.69 duration: 3.27 text: "like I bet I could go [\___\_] vegan and" - id: 457 start: 1361.46 duration: 2.94 text: they're like you couldn't go vegan I go - id: 458 start: 1362.96 duration: 4.98 text: yeah I do but everything I put my mind - id: 459 start: 1364.4 duration: 4.86 text: to yeah and so we get on the plane and - id: 460 start: 1367.94 duration: 4.2 text: "I'm like [\___\_] I'm going vegan I'm" - id: 461 start: 1369.26 duration: 4.92 text: gonna lose some weight go vegan so drink - id: 462 start: 1372.14 duration: 4.95 text: that TT dose of soda she brings me a - id: 463 start: 1374.18 duration: 5.25 text: beer with it and then lunch comes round - id: 464 start: 1377.09 duration: 4.53 text: I go what do you have meat and pasta - id: 465 start: 1379.43 duration: 3.87 text: your Czerny cheese on the pasta and she - id: 466 start: 1381.62 duration: 3.45 text: goes no I said is there any meat on the - id: 467 start: 1383.3 duration: 3.51 text: pasta she goes no I shall go with the - id: 468 start: 1385.07 duration: 3.69 text: pasta so the guy next to me is kind of - id: 469 start: 1386.81 duration: 3.75 text: watching me he gets the meat we start - id: 470 start: 1388.76 duration: 3.75 text: eating and he goes hey ma I was already - id: 471 start: 1390.56 duration: 5.19 text: like allergic to cheese I go no I'm - id: 472 start: 1392.51 duration: 4.74 text: vegan and he goes really I said yeah he - id: 473 start: 1395.75 duration: 2.01 text: goes you know there's egg and pasta - id: 474 start: 1397.25 duration: 2.23 text: right ah - id: 475 start: 1397.76 duration: 4.029 text: and I go I didn't know - id: 476 start: 1399.48 duration: 5.46 text: and he goes how long you been eatin - id: 477 start: 1401.789 duration: 4.74 text: pasta I go my whole life it goes and you - id: 478 start: 1404.94 duration: 2.369 text: call yourself vegan this is what's wrong - id: 479 start: 1406.529 duration: 2.551 text: with you people - id: 480 start: 1407.309 duration: 4.141 text: "these are [\___\_] jumping into my" - id: 481 start: 1409.08 duration: 3.9 text: lifestyle choice on their way out choice - id: 482 start: 1411.45 duration: 7.319 text: you don't know I've only been vegan for - id: 483 start: 1412.98 duration: 7.919 text: like 45 minutes and then ordered ice - id: 484 start: 1418.769 duration: 5.25 text: cream wait how does this lead to a shart - id: 485 start: 1420.899 duration: 4.89 text: in bed with LeAnn my my stomach okay so - id: 486 start: 1424.019 duration: 4.77 text: after three days ago on vegan my stomach - id: 487 start: 1425.789 duration: 5.85 text: got really kind of not as toxic as it's - id: 488 start: 1428.789 duration: 4.941 text: been and all my shits come out back of - id: 489 start: 1431.639 duration: 6.181 text: the bowl up under the toilet seat I know - id: 490 start: 1433.73 duration: 5.949 text: he has and like the ones where you got - id: 491 start: 1437.82 duration: 4.739 text: to wipe your legs because it splashes up - id: 492 start: 1439.679 duration: 5.701 text: yeah is that what you get sometimes yeah - id: 493 start: 1442.559 duration: 4.951 text: and so but I mean that's like his - id: 494 start: 1445.38 duration: 4.139 text: regular morning right yeah that's that's - id: 495 start: 1447.51 duration: 4.71 text: like Tuesday yeah it's not like a Monday - id: 496 start: 1449.519 duration: 7.111 text: "morning [\___\_] that's Tuesday and so I go" - id: 497 start: 1452.22 duration: 7.14 text: and I start I go right out of veganism - id: 498 start: 1456.63 duration: 4.919 text: into veganism wreck text sent me a - id: 499 start: 1459.36 duration: 4.62 text: travel smoker so I go right into V out - id: 500 start: 1461.549 duration: 4.711 text: "of veganism into a [\___\_] brisket and" - id: 501 start: 1463.98 duration: 4.439 text: "it just [\___\_] my stomach time yeah I" - id: 502 start: 1466.26 duration: 3.75 text: just wolfed like like animal fat and - id: 503 start: 1468.419 duration: 4.081 text: also right after my table show me and - id: 504 start: 1470.01 duration: 5.159 text: cow head Dave Williamson just and Fez - id: 505 start: 1472.5 duration: 4.32 text: Watley sat back just eating brisket hmm - id: 506 start: 1475.169 duration: 3.541 text: and then the next day I was just - id: 507 start: 1476.82 duration: 4.56 text: "[\___\_] like crazy so then you meet up" - id: 508 start: 1478.71 duration: 5.429 text: in Vegas and your wife goes there and - id: 509 start: 1481.38 duration: 5.549 text: you drink I'm sure we did bottomless - id: 510 start: 1484.139 duration: 4.77 text: mimosas when I landed then did the show - id: 511 start: 1486.929 duration: 4.201 text: yeah did bottomless mimosas until like - id: 512 start: 1488.909 duration: 4.711 text: four o'clock one see before o'clock show - id: 513 start: 1491.13 duration: 4.139 text: isn't until 10:00 oh wow yeah and so but - id: 514 start: 1493.62 duration: 3.48 text: I my stomach was just wrecked and then - id: 515 start: 1495.269 duration: 3.15 text: the next morning we woke up I don't know - id: 516 start: 1497.1 duration: 2.97 text: what I ate or drank that night but the - id: 517 start: 1498.419 duration: 3.72 text: next morning woke up and I thought it - id: 518 start: 1500.07 duration: 4.229 text: "was a fart and it just [\___\_] onto my butt" - id: 519 start: 1502.139 duration: 5.4 text: piece and then had to carry it into the - id: 520 start: 1504.299 duration: 4.681 text: bathroom oh yeah like one ago like it - id: 521 start: 1507.539 duration: 8.12 text: like it was like one of those eggs spoon - id: 522 start: 1508.98 duration: 9.329 text: races in the yeah yeah we should know - id: 523 start: 1515.659 duration: 4.24 text: "you know I [\___\_] my pants right before I" - id: 524 start: 1518.309 duration: 3.931 text: went on stage at Fort Lauderdale and my - id: 525 start: 1519.899 duration: 3.571 text: "cameraman was following me and I [\___\_] my" - id: 526 start: 1522.24 duration: 3.419 text: pants right before I want to stage and - id: 527 start: 1523.47 duration: 4.199 text: then it was fire coming out of my ass - id: 528 start: 1525.659 duration: 3.87 text: fire you know like you know when you eat - id: 529 start: 1527.669 duration: 3.48 text: spicy food your lips kick ha yeah that - id: 530 start: 1529.529 duration: 3.231 text: "was happening to my [\___\_] and so I" - id: 531 start: 1531.149 duration: 4.611 text: shoved an ice cube up there - id: 532 start: 1532.76 duration: 4.56 text: in like a like a suppository to cool it - id: 533 start: 1535.76 duration: 3.299 text: down you know because I'm figured - id: 534 start: 1537.32 duration: 3.15 text: something's hot yeah yeah yeah - id: 535 start: 1539.059 duration: 2.641 text: and then I couldn't get it out I had to - id: 536 start: 1540.47 duration: 2.97 text: go onstage with an ice cube up my - id: 537 start: 1541.7 duration: 2.55 text: "[\___\_] and it was literally dripping" - id: 538 start: 1543.44 duration: 6.33 text: "out of my [\___\_]" - id: 539 start: 1544.25 duration: 6.99 text: "wait so you [\___\_] in your pants right" - id: 540 start: 1549.77 duration: 3.24 text: before you go onstage in Fort Lauderdale - id: 541 start: 1551.24 duration: 5.16 text: "and get my butt cheeks I didn't [\___\_] my" - id: 542 start: 1553.01 duration: 5.039 text: pants I should my butt cheeks clean it - id: 543 start: 1556.4 duration: 4.98 text: up before you perform or did you perform - id: 544 start: 1558.049 duration: 5.941 text: "the whole hour with [\___\_] in your butt no" - id: 545 start: 1561.38 duration: 5.549 text: but I have done that before oh my god - id: 546 start: 1563.99 duration: 5.97 text: now you're savage Dallas Texas cristela - id: 547 start: 1566.929 duration: 4.291 text: Alonzo is supposed to go and do 20 - id: 548 start: 1569.96 duration: 3.69 text: minutes that she could all Keisha's you - id: 549 start: 1571.22 duration: 4.62 text: could do was like seven when I'm just a - id: 550 start: 1573.65 duration: 4.56 text: long time ago and so she'd have seven - id: 551 start: 1575.84 duration: 4.29 text: "minutes and I'm [\___\_] and I hear my" - id: 552 start: 1578.21 duration: 3.06 text: name couldn't I didn't even wipe I - id: 553 start: 1580.13 duration: 3.24 text: didn't even wipe couldn't have time to - id: 554 start: 1581.27 duration: 5.3 text: wipe the word I was like uh and I had to - id: 555 start: 1583.37 duration: 5.67 text: "perform a [\___\_] my pants full oh our Oh" - id: 556 start: 1586.57 duration: 3.609 text: where as I said I have to hold on a - id: 557 start: 1589.04 duration: 3.18 text: second hold up now that we're talking - id: 558 start: 1590.179 duration: 3.99 text: about this in Luton Kentucky in - id: 559 start: 1592.22 duration: 3.99 text: Louisville know when I tell you what did - id: 560 start: 1594.169 duration: 5.25 text: I tell you before he came on we talked - id: 561 start: 1596.21 duration: 4.98 text: about somebody said you think Bert has - id: 562 start: 1599.419 duration: 4.01 text: short story I'll give I'll give you a - id: 563 start: 1601.19 duration: 5.64 text: million dollars yeah we were in - id: 564 start: 1603.429 duration: 5.891 text: Lexington Kentucky comedy off Broadway - id: 565 start: 1606.83 duration: 5.099 text: "and I realized I had to take a [\___\_] in" - id: 566 start: 1609.32 duration: 4.29 text: the middle of my oh no I brought the - id: 567 start: 1611.929 duration: 3.841 text: comic up I said someone put a timer on - id: 568 start: 1613.61 duration: 5.4 text: the clock I'm not bring the other comic - id: 569 start: 1615.77 duration: 5.25 text: up dusty slay he's gonna do you count it - id: 570 start: 1619.01 duration: 3.659 text: "off I'm gonna go run off stage [\___\_] and" - id: 571 start: 1621.02 duration: 4.68 text: come back I bet I can do this another - id: 572 start: 1622.669 duration: 6.721 text: two minutes I was back in a minute - id: 573 start: 1625.7 duration: 5.52 text: well you should so fast push yeah I push - id: 574 start: 1629.39 duration: 4.74 text: I'm a big pusher I bet you pushed a - id: 575 start: 1631.22 duration: 4.829 text: "little too hard when I [\___\_] it's about" - id: 576 start: 1634.13 duration: 5.12 text: re Sam it's like a bouncer kicking out - id: 577 start: 1636.049 duration: 3.201 text: people out of a club at 2:00 a.m. - id: 578 start: 1640.24 duration: 6.4 text: "Ahri's [\___\_] is a [\___\_] of his I've" - id: 579 start: 1644.66 duration: 3.66 text: seen it on the Internet no he also sends - id: 580 start: 1646.64 duration: 4.8 text: it I don't want to see group texts us - id: 581 start: 1648.32 duration: 5.91 text: pictures of his of toilet paper just - id: 582 start: 1651.44 duration: 5.43 text: soaked in blood oh my god I just pulled - id: 583 start: 1654.23 duration: 4.05 text: this out of my ass he is no good he's - id: 584 start: 1656.87 duration: 4.289 text: the reason I put an ice cube up my ass - id: 585 start: 1658.28 duration: 4.379 text: cuz he shoves wads plugs of toilet paper - id: 586 start: 1661.159 duration: 2.791 text: up his ass well to stop the blood from - id: 587 start: 1662.659 duration: 3.121 text: them yeah he's like a more like I'm like - id: 588 start: 1663.95 duration: 4.92 text: their surgeries like yeah - id: 589 start: 1665.78 duration: 4.83 text: worth it so anyways later I know doesn't - id: 590 start: 1668.87 duration: 2.82 text: really think of it's got a testicle - id: 591 start: 1670.61 duration: 3.24 text: "hanging out of his [\___\_]" - id: 592 start: 1671.69 duration: 4.89 text: yeah what look yeah he's got a testicle - id: 593 start: 1673.85 duration: 5.25 text: like a hemorrhoid testicle oh yeah like - id: 594 start: 1676.58 duration: 6.24 text: a it's like a hemorrhoid right it's just - id: 595 start: 1679.1 duration: 5.19 text: a hemorrhoid looks like a yeah it's like - id: 596 start: 1682.82 duration: 4.08 text: "a [\___\_] sleeve it's like he got railed" - id: 597 start: 1684.29 duration: 4.32 text: for months and years and his ass well - id: 598 start: 1686.9 duration: 6.3 text: it's got a pink sock like yeah just kind - id: 599 start: 1688.61 duration: 7.44 text: of that's okay so wait you should in a - id: 600 start: 1693.2 duration: 5.7 text: minute and 19 and you cleaned up though - id: 601 start: 1696.05 duration: 4.02 text: those ones when those ones happen it's - id: 602 start: 1698.9 duration: 3.18 text: so easy to clean up - id: 603 start: 1700.07 duration: 4.8 text: just real quick spit on the toilet paper - id: 604 start: 1702.08 duration: 6 text: wipe your ass mouth that's what your dad - id: 605 start: 1704.87 duration: 6.87 text: does whole Mississippi wet wipe I do it - id: 606 start: 1708.08 duration: 5.91 text: all right now dude well I used to not do - id: 607 start: 1711.74 duration: 4.44 text: it and then you know we get like the - id: 608 start: 1713.99 duration: 4.74 text: "[\___\_] bidets at home yeah that are" - id: 609 start: 1716.18 duration: 4.86 text: just game changers then you travel again - id: 610 start: 1718.73 duration: 4.23 text: and you feel like what is it the 1400s - id: 611 start: 1721.04 duration: 3.69 text: wiping my ass with paints like going - id: 612 start: 1722.96 duration: 4.65 text: "from private school to [\___\_] gen-pop" - id: 613 start: 1724.73 duration: 4.98 text: in a public like you're like I'm better - id: 614 start: 1727.61 duration: 3.57 text: than this you start spitting on your it - id: 615 start: 1729.71 duration: 3.21 text: actually makes a big difference right - id: 616 start: 1731.18 duration: 3.42 text: Dryden's yeah on your toilet paper - id: 617 start: 1732.92 duration: 3 text: holder you know did let me tell you how - id: 618 start: 1734.6 duration: 2.76 text: to do it it's better to paper right on - id: 619 start: 1735.92 duration: 2.97 text: your finger where your finger is on the - id: 620 start: 1737.36 duration: 2.85 text: toilet paper right right and I think and - id: 621 start: 1738.89 duration: 2.76 text: then just take it it's just one wipe - id: 622 start: 1740.21 duration: 3.42 text: you're not going back and forth just one - id: 623 start: 1741.65 duration: 3.93 text: wipe gently to just kind of just get - id: 624 start: 1743.63 duration: 4.98 text: everything off like a cursory yeah yeah - id: 625 start: 1745.58 duration: 4.86 text: go dry then go one more fitness and then - id: 626 start: 1748.61 duration: 3.72 text: dry I'm just I know I don't mind the wet - id: 627 start: 1750.44 duration: 5.85 text: idea but why spit can't you just reach - id: 628 start: 1752.33 duration: 6.03 text: the sink it's the same reason you don't - id: 629 start: 1756.29 duration: 4.14 text: use water when you jack off you spit in - id: 630 start: 1758.36 duration: 4.23 text: your hand and jack off you know or you - id: 631 start: 1760.43 duration: 3.54 text: know I mean right it's spit has got a - id: 632 start: 1762.59 duration: 4.62 text: little more lubrication to it a little - id: 633 start: 1763.97 duration: 4.98 text: more viscosity so when it rubs got a - id: 634 start: 1767.21 duration: 2.1 text: nice he kind of knows what he's talking - id: 635 start: 1768.95 duration: 1.5 text: about - id: 636 start: 1769.31 duration: 4.2 text: I've been spitting on my toilet paper - id: 637 start: 1770.45 duration: 8.16 text: for years do you think we Anne is still - id: 638 start: 1773.51 duration: 9.65 text: sexually attracted to you about that no - id: 639 start: 1778.61 duration: 4.55 text: no you think she seems like a nice guy - id: 640 start: 1787.69 duration: 3.869 text: the road it's like it's like a rods - id: 641 start: 1790.21 duration: 2.849 text: agents they're like I don't care if he's - id: 642 start: 1791.559 duration: 4.171 text: "using steroids have you seen my [\___\_]" - id: 643 start: 1793.059 duration: 4.62 text: "new [\___\_] she's just like what are you" - id: 644 start: 1795.73 duration: 3.809 text: leaving again but by now I like going - id: 645 start: 1797.679 duration: 3.24 text: like if you get like a platinum car - id: 646 start: 1799.539 duration: 3.51 text: she's like this is kind of fun - id: 647 start: 1800.919 duration: 3.84 text: yeah shopping now you know she's doing - id: 648 start: 1803.049 duration: 5.281 text: well I'll tell you right now I look at - id: 649 start: 1804.759 duration: 7.41 text: houses Oh looking at houses and rage - id: 650 start: 1808.33 duration: 6.78 text: "just I mean just the the [\___\_] modest" - id: 651 start: 1812.169 duration: 6.39 text: "woman you met [\___\_] 15 years ago you" - id: 652 start: 1815.11 duration: 5.819 text: wouldn't really unrecognised favorite - id: 653 start: 1818.559 duration: 4.62 text: good for her she deserves it she that - id: 654 start: 1820.929 duration: 3.931 text: new truck we got she was not wanted to - id: 655 start: 1823.179 duration: 3.99 text: get it I was too expensive it's so silly - id: 656 start: 1824.86 duration: 3.269 text: and then she got it and that's my - id: 657 start: 1827.169 duration: 3.21 text: favorite thing we've ever owned ever - id: 658 start: 1828.129 duration: 4.05 text: allows I really feel like I'm driving - id: 659 start: 1830.379 duration: 3.42 text: around in luxury and I'm driving so much - id: 660 start: 1832.179 duration: 3.45 text: picking up Georgia softball and islet - id: 661 start: 1833.799 duration: 3.391 text: school play practice and whatnot she - id: 662 start: 1835.629 duration: 3.51 text: goes she goes this makes me feel like - id: 663 start: 1837.19 duration: 3.81 text: driving is not that bad I go you should - id: 664 start: 1839.139 duration: 3.27 text: get treats in life that's what I've been - id: 665 start: 1841 duration: 3 text: trying to work this bit out of my life - id: 666 start: 1842.409 duration: 3.9 text: in my act and I can't figure it out - id: 667 start: 1844 duration: 3.99 text: maybe people don't relate to the way my - id: 668 start: 1846.309 duration: 3.061 text: brain works but if you don't have treats - id: 669 start: 1847.99 duration: 3.24 text: in life then what life's not worth - id: 670 start: 1849.37 duration: 4.38 text: living like I understand a guy that - id: 671 start: 1851.23 duration: 4.77 text: lives treat 'less your your treats all - id: 672 start: 1853.75 duration: 3.48 text: day though yeah but that's constant - id: 673 start: 1856 duration: 3.779 text: treats but and I have a low threshold - id: 674 start: 1857.23 duration: 4.14 text: for reward I'll give you that but but - id: 675 start: 1859.779 duration: 3.091 text: guys who deserve treats that don't get - id: 676 start: 1861.37 duration: 4.169 text: them what's the point - id: 677 start: 1862.87 duration: 4.649 text: I used to think well and if you can - id: 678 start: 1865.539 duration: 3.331 text: afford it that's the caveat if you can - id: 679 start: 1867.519 duration: 2.461 text: afford it get the treat if you can't - id: 680 start: 1868.87 duration: 2.909 text: "afford it don't get the [\___\_] treat" - id: 681 start: 1869.98 duration: 4.71 text: and I both just it's just making your - id: 682 start: 1871.779 duration: 5.37 text: treats onto like on like a sliding scale - id: 683 start: 1874.69 duration: 4.56 text: since I've been treating myself my whole - id: 684 start: 1877.149 duration: 3.36 text: life I have like I said I definitely - id: 685 start: 1879.25 duration: 3.12 text: think I earned treats when I don't earn - id: 686 start: 1880.509 duration: 4.17 text: them but my treats have never they - id: 687 start: 1882.37 duration: 5.039 text: haven't like gotten outrageous it's just - id: 688 start: 1884.679 duration: 4.171 text: like a new car like why not have a new - id: 689 start: 1887.409 duration: 3.451 text: car we had a car that was ten years old - id: 690 start: 1888.85 duration: 3.9 text: and was breaking down like Liam broke - id: 691 start: 1890.86 duration: 3.48 text: "down on Ventura I'd go with the [\___\_]" - id: 692 start: 1892.75 duration: 5.129 text: we can't afford a new car yeah let's - id: 693 start: 1894.34 duration: 3.9 text: treat ourselves yeah captain treat over - id: 694 start: 1897.879 duration: 2.25 text: here - id: 695 start: 1898.24 duration: 3.659 text: oh he's taught but I think I'm more - id: 696 start: 1900.129 duration: 2.461 text: likely in where I grew up in the - id: 697 start: 1901.899 duration: 2.49 text: Communist - id: 698 start: 1902.59 duration: 3.959 text: Cold War and I didn't treat myself to - id: 699 start: 1904.389 duration: 7.831 text: "[\___\_] and he's taught me how to enjoy" - id: 700 start: 1906.549 duration: 8.551 text: life but you think you taught me how to - id: 701 start: 1912.22 duration: 3.809 text: treat myself because remember we were - id: 702 start: 1915.1 duration: 1.829 text: talking like I was like I want to get - id: 703 start: 1916.029 duration: 2.551 text: again something I want to get something - id: 704 start: 1916.929 duration: 4.141 text: nice you know Oh Tommy just gets it for - id: 705 start: 1918.58 duration: 4.89 text: me just made me like it - id: 706 start: 1921.07 duration: 4.17 text: yeah and so in Vegas this weekend we're - id: 707 start: 1923.47 duration: 4.86 text: doing bottomless mimosas there's like a - id: 708 start: 1925.24 duration: 5.159 text: mall by the Aria and I go that's my tree - id: 709 start: 1928.33 duration: 5.01 text: that was my tree by the way who's that - id: 710 start: 1930.399 duration: 6.301 text: LeAnn's tree no yeah she got sick from - id: 711 start: 1933.34 duration: 5.88 text: the most shakes from them yeah and so we - id: 712 start: 1936.7 duration: 4.29 text: go to the thing and I just disappeared - id: 713 start: 1939.22 duration: 4.5 text: I got myself a treat and I bought Liana - id: 714 start: 1940.99 duration: 4.74 text: treat yeah yeah tell us treats - id: 715 start: 1943.72 duration: 4.049 text: yeah it's ah come on my treat silly it's - id: 716 start: 1945.73 duration: 10.559 text: okay it was a drunken treat okay what - id: 717 start: 1947.769 duration: 10.561 text: was it it's a Gucci fanny but he got me - id: 718 start: 1956.289 duration: 4.201 text: one as a push present believe it or not - id: 719 start: 1958.33 duration: 10.02 text: my second choice up yours and I was like - id: 720 start: 1960.49 duration: 10.08 text: oh it's such a silly item and then to - id: 721 start: 1968.35 duration: 4.62 text: get a designer silly item it's like who - id: 722 start: 1970.57 duration: 3.41 text: start wearing this all the time I wore - id: 723 start: 1972.97 duration: 3.75 text: it all through Vegas - id: 724 start: 1973.98 duration: 6.399 text: I didn't filled with all my merch cash - id: 725 start: 1976.72 duration: 5.339 text: so it was like stacks of paper oh great - id: 726 start: 1980.379 duration: 3.42 text: so then I went to Tiffany's and I bought - id: 727 start: 1982.059 duration: 3.631 text: Leon a necklace not super expensive buy - id: 728 start: 1983.799 duration: 5.271 text: just a nice necklace nice see you man - id: 729 start: 1985.69 duration: 5.459 text: see you soon I like it it's really nice - id: 730 start: 1989.07 duration: 3.64 text: enjoy it good - id: 731 start: 1991.149 duration: 3.66 text: yeah cuz you're gonna die one day you - id: 732 start: 1992.71 duration: 3.27 text: may as well enjoy you know the benefits - id: 733 start: 1994.809 duration: 3.391 text: right Tommy when we get in this house - id: 734 start: 1995.98 duration: 4.47 text: man yeah let's talk about it we looked - id: 735 start: 1998.2 duration: 4.469 text: at one yeah yeah it was a little out of - id: 736 start: 2000.45 duration: 3.929 text: our price range but I thought I thought - id: 737 start: 2002.669 duration: 5.64 text: you know roll the dice on life now if we - id: 738 start: 2004.379 duration: 6.091 text: had had it was at the foot of Fryman - id: 739 start: 2008.309 duration: 5.82 text: Canyon uh-huh I can tell you the I - id: 740 start: 2010.47 duration: 5.789 text: should know the Internet it was at the - id: 741 start: 2014.129 duration: 3.66 text: foot of Fryman Canyon it had didn't hat - id: 742 start: 2016.259 duration: 3.691 text: it was really nice it was an old house I - id: 743 start: 2017.789 duration: 4.23 text: was part of a compound so all the houses - id: 744 start: 2019.95 duration: 4.829 text: around it was like its secluded you - id: 745 start: 2022.019 duration: 4.441 text: couldn't get cool but it won't matter - id: 746 start: 2024.779 duration: 2.64 text: he'll put it on Instagram any yeah - id: 747 start: 2026.46 duration: 2.49 text: definitely - id: 748 start: 2027.419 duration: 2.671 text: that's why we gotta move I gotta get out - id: 749 start: 2028.95 duration: 2.4 text: "of my [\___\_] house now everyone knows" - id: 750 start: 2030.09 duration: 5.699 text: "what I [\___\_] oh really" - id: 751 start: 2031.35 duration: 7.289 text: yeah me describing things in my - id: 752 start: 2035.789 duration: 4.711 text: neighborhood on my podcast people like a - id: 753 start: 2038.639 duration: 3.87 text: jack-in-the-box huh I think I figure out - id: 754 start: 2040.5 duration: 4.2 text: where you live you're crazy - id: 755 start: 2042.509 duration: 3.51 text: I didn't I was before we knew that - id: 756 start: 2044.7 duration: 4.649 text: "anyone listen to these [\___\_] things" - id: 757 start: 2046.019 duration: 4.56 text: yeah I just over shared I've over shared - id: 758 start: 2049.349 duration: 3.48 text: way too much in my life - id: 759 start: 2050.579 duration: 3.811 text: like that's where you guys have done a - id: 760 start: 2052.829 duration: 4.531 text: really smart job - id: 761 start: 2054.39 duration: 4.5 text: and I bored Georgia and ila didn't even - id: 762 start: 2057.36 duration: 4.62 text: ask and I talked about their periods on - id: 763 start: 2058.89 duration: 4.62 text: oh yeah yeah those funny that I love the - id: 764 start: 2061.98 duration: 2.97 text: period party you describe those lovely - id: 765 start: 2063.51 duration: 3.47 text: imagine if your island you got to go to - id: 766 start: 2064.95 duration: 4.38 text: school the next day and it goes viral I - id: 767 start: 2066.98 duration: 3.73 text: like Jason huh you named your period - id: 768 start: 2069.33 duration: 10.83 text: Jason she's like I don't know who you - id: 769 start: 2070.71 duration: 12.36 text: are yeah yeah we made fun of my tour bus - id: 770 start: 2080.16 duration: 3.45 text: yeah you know and my picture with my - id: 771 start: 2083.07 duration: 20.07 text: tour bus - id: 772 start: 2083.61 duration: 21.78 text: yeah Jesus over for you - id: 773 start: 2103.14 duration: 4.62 text: that's my guy Jake he's great he's a - id: 774 start: 2105.39 duration: 5.19 text: really good voiceover Rd is too bad it's - id: 775 start: 2107.76 duration: 8.7 text: all anti me no no he's got some other - id: 776 start: 2110.58 duration: 9.18 text: stuff oh cool yeah no that's great if - id: 777 start: 2116.46 duration: 6.72 text: you're listening this G that was just - id: 778 start: 2119.76 duration: 7.95 text: burped on a Nazi train just to be clear - id: 779 start: 2123.18 duration: 6.81 text: yeah but we were ODI pull up hang on Oh - id: 780 start: 2127.71 duration: 4.26 text: hit pause hit pause yeah pull up the one - id: 781 start: 2129.99 duration: 4.65 text: that's titled Berta's a racist - id: 782 start: 2131.97 duration: 5.09 text: mp4 I'm dying to see this one let's see - id: 783 start: 2134.64 duration: 2.42 text: it in a bit - id: 784 start: 2140.36 duration: 5.14 text: '[Music]' - id: 785 start: 2141.97 duration: 6.52 text: areas Cleveland - id: 786 start: 2145.5 duration: 4.09 text: oh my god that's similar - id: 787 start: 2148.49 duration: 4.52 text: '[Music]' - id: 788 start: 2149.59 duration: 13.26 text: I'm ignoring your in there right there - id: 789 start: 2153.01 duration: 11.18 text: but oh wow what was he like not that bad - id: 790 start: 2162.85 duration: 4.8 text: really - id: 791 start: 2164.19 duration: 6.96 text: Wow very artistic man this is actually - id: 792 start: 2167.65 duration: 3.5 text: good footage I know - id: 793 start: 2171.71 duration: 10.29 text: impressive all right the body shots - id: 794 start: 2176.96 duration: 7.32 text: world tour Hitler did nothing wrong Wow - id: 795 start: 2182 duration: 4.5 text: you got your whole logo on the side of - id: 796 start: 2184.28 duration: 3.66 text: the plane yeah well that's not bad you - id: 797 start: 2186.5 duration: 3.839 text: know Ron White had done that to his - id: 798 start: 2187.94 duration: 4.379 text: plane so I feel like yeah that's pretty - id: 799 start: 2190.339 duration: 4.351 text: cool how much would you like to get a - id: 800 start: 2192.319 duration: 4.02 text: plane dude is that the next step I - id: 801 start: 2194.69 duration: 3.149 text: almost got one to find me home from - id: 802 start: 2196.339 duration: 2.851 text: Vegas yesterday but it was six thousand - id: 803 start: 2197.839 duration: 3.24 text: dollars and I can't read my head I wrap - id: 804 start: 2199.19 duration: 3.869 text: my head around that yeah so I was like I - id: 805 start: 2201.079 duration: 3.181 text: was like I thought it would be like I - id: 806 start: 2203.059 duration: 3.121 text: literally thought it'd be like two grand - id: 807 start: 2204.26 duration: 3.54 text: and I was like I could do that - id: 808 start: 2206.18 duration: 2.79 text: "I can I can just go like [\___\_] it at a" - id: 809 start: 2207.8 duration: 4.019 text: bad night at the casino so I can gamble - id: 810 start: 2208.97 duration: 4.2 text: much yeah um but yeah I can't I don't - id: 811 start: 2211.819 duration: 3.601 text: know if I'm never gonna be able to be - id: 812 start: 2213.17 duration: 3.54 text: able to do that don't think it's crazy I - id: 813 start: 2215.42 duration: 4.29 text: don't like flying though either so - id: 814 start: 2216.71 duration: 5.31 text: that's the yeah so what bus life has - id: 815 start: 2219.71 duration: 4.29 text: really enabled your lifestyle choices - id: 816 start: 2222.02 duration: 3.36 text: dude it's me I'm so much healthier on - id: 817 start: 2224 duration: 4.22 text: "this [\___\_] bus than I've ever been" - id: 818 start: 2225.38 duration: 5.52 text: let's talk about it it's great because - id: 819 start: 2228.22 duration: 3.58 text: here's what we know I was trying to - id: 820 start: 2230.9 duration: 2.37 text: figure out like why I'm not getting - id: 821 start: 2231.8 duration: 3.96 text: "hungover and I'm not getting [\___\_]" - id: 822 start: 2233.27 duration: 3.87 text: super wasted at night it's because - id: 823 start: 2235.76 duration: 3.12 text: you're going to the tour bus and - id: 824 start: 2237.14 duration: 3.659 text: drinking it's kinda like drinking at - id: 825 start: 2238.88 duration: 2.58 text: your house and so then you go I'm tired - id: 826 start: 2240.799 duration: 2.641 text: I'm going to bed - id: 827 start: 2241.46 duration: 4.02 text: as opposed to what would normally happen - id: 828 start: 2243.44 duration: 3.3 text: on the roads you go you hit the club and - id: 829 start: 2245.48 duration: 2.849 text: then everyone will go ends up at a bar - id: 830 start: 2246.74 duration: 2.609 text: and then you're a bar and everyone's - id: 831 start: 2248.329 duration: 3.571 text: like alright we're gonna go and you're - id: 832 start: 2249.349 duration: 3.75 text: like one more we'd get one more and then - id: 833 start: 2251.9 duration: 3.24 text: you get well you go back to your place - id: 834 start: 2253.099 duration: 3.931 text: maybe open one there and for here you - id: 835 start: 2255.14 duration: 3.179 text: just get like you go I'm going back to - id: 836 start: 2257.03 duration: 3.15 text: my room and you just go to sleep - id: 837 start: 2258.319 duration: 4.74 text: I loved it that are you getting better - id: 838 start: 2260.18 duration: 4.23 text: "asleep [\___\_] amazing yeah I think we" - id: 839 start: 2263.059 duration: 3.121 text: have I don't know what kind of matches - id: 840 start: 2264.41 duration: 3.48 text: yeah but it's that one of those like - id: 841 start: 2266.18 duration: 3.33 text: fits your body like you you're - id: 842 start: 2267.89 duration: 3.479 text: tempur-pedic like it's kind of like a - id: 843 start: 2269.51 duration: 5.7 text: Lisa mattress he's got one of those like - id: 844 start: 2271.369 duration: 10.921 text: goes up and Dan the tour bus meet you - id: 845 start: 2275.21 duration: 9.18 text: and massage yeah right next to his - id: 846 start: 2282.29 duration: 3.84 text: chocolate fountains yeah do you have a - id: 847 start: 2284.39 duration: 3 text: chocolate fountain on your mouth no do - id: 848 start: 2286.13 duration: 5.07 text: you really not have two bathrooms though - id: 849 start: 2287.39 duration: 5.729 text: no we've two bathroom okay yes like no - id: 850 start: 2291.2 duration: 3.48 text: "do you [\___\_] in your tour bus now we" - id: 851 start: 2293.119 duration: 2.641 text: don't see in our tour bus I tell you the - id: 852 start: 2294.68 duration: 3.179 text: invention I came up with - id: 853 start: 2295.76 duration: 3.27 text: you made an invention yep it's a toilet - id: 854 start: 2297.859 duration: 2.791 text: condom okay - id: 855 start: 2299.03 duration: 4.23 text: what you do know it's like a hot bag - id: 856 start: 2300.65 duration: 4.05 text: yeah yeah you take it and you put it - id: 857 start: 2303.26 duration: 3.569 text: around the seed yeah and then - id: 858 start: 2304.7 duration: 3.99 text: got like a little like thing here will - id: 859 start: 2306.829 duration: 3.121 text: "you [\___\_] into this bag it's almost done" - id: 860 start: 2308.69 duration: 2.97 text: with the reservoir tip so you ended up - id: 861 start: 2309.95 duration: 3.03 text: in the reservoir tip so then you can - id: 862 start: 2311.66 duration: 3.3 text: just bag it and throw it in the trash - id: 863 start: 2312.98 duration: 3.9 text: yeah yeah I mean people do really / ill - id: 864 start: 2314.96 duration: 3.54 text: yeah yeah it's called hot pot bagging - id: 865 start: 2316.88 duration: 3.18 text: "yeah really yeah yeah that you're [\___\_]" - id: 866 start: 2318.5 duration: 2.88 text: in the bag on the bus oh boy you just - id: 867 start: 2320.06 duration: 2.64 text: buy like a two million dollar bus like - id: 868 start: 2321.38 duration: 1.89 text: "Brian Regan and then you can just [\___\_]" - id: 869 start: 2322.7 duration: 2.43 text: on your bus - id: 870 start: 2323.27 duration: 3.69 text: why is he cuz he as the state of the art - id: 871 start: 2325.13 duration: 4.199 text: they they have like a grinder and all - id: 872 start: 2326.96 duration: 4.379 text: types of yeah yeah cliches on his bus I - id: 873 start: 2329.329 duration: 4.201 text: I will do it oh I would do a TV show - id: 874 start: 2331.339 duration: 4.081 text: based on tour buses I'm obsessed with - id: 875 start: 2333.53 duration: 5.52 text: tour buses I mean the really nice ones - id: 876 start: 2335.42 duration: 6.54 text: are really nice are you like on it like - id: 877 start: 2339.05 duration: 5.58 text: I think mine's probably low-end my okay - id: 878 start: 2341.96 duration: 3.869 text: so I have four different tour buses yeah - id: 879 start: 2344.63 duration: 2.52 text: well yeah because I didn't - id: 880 start: 2345.829 duration: 2.911 text: there's weeks where it doesn't make - id: 881 start: 2347.15 duration: 2.91 text: sense for like I'm when I'm doing tampon - id: 882 start: 2348.74 duration: 3.51 text: Lauderdale I'm like I don't want a tour - id: 883 start: 2350.06 duration: 5.12 text: bus for that week I do though yeah I'm - id: 884 start: 2352.25 duration: 6.51 text: like I don't want to tour bus for this - id: 885 start: 2355.18 duration: 5.439 text: week where I have Portland Maine and - id: 886 start: 2358.76 duration: 3.21 text: then I have you just slide it for a lot - id: 887 start: 2360.619 duration: 3.48 text: of them next there you gonna drive I - id: 888 start: 2361.97 duration: 4.32 text: don't know I don't know yet Oh see for - id: 889 start: 2364.099 duration: 3.601 text: me driving it makes it easier on my - id: 890 start: 2366.29 duration: 4.89 text: stomach like I just yeah I mean I - id: 891 start: 2367.7 duration: 7.02 text: probably will that's a three for far - id: 892 start: 2371.18 duration: 5.189 text: yeah yeah yeah so what I'm saying is so - id: 893 start: 2374.72 duration: 3.06 text: those weeks don't but then I have weeks - id: 894 start: 2376.369 duration: 4.71 text: where it definitely makes sense because - id: 895 start: 2377.78 duration: 5.61 text: of the way those companies work I was - id: 896 start: 2381.079 duration: 4.321 text: able to get like quotes from different - id: 897 start: 2383.39 duration: 4.53 text: companies Ford it all the different runs - id: 898 start: 2385.4 duration: 4.98 text: can we hear them all and then I pulled - id: 899 start: 2387.92 duration: 4.59 text: the trigger on that nicest one for a - id: 900 start: 2390.38 duration: 4.35 text: couple runs so I'm gonna see what it's - id: 901 start: 2392.51 duration: 4.26 text: like what the difference is yeah for - id: 902 start: 2394.73 duration: 4.379 text: that bus that bus is state-of-the-art - id: 903 start: 2396.77 duration: 3.72 text: though okay I want to I might hop on - id: 904 start: 2399.109 duration: 4.411 text: your tour for that yeah just be on your - id: 905 start: 2400.49 duration: 5.52 text: body but that bus is like it's way more - id: 906 start: 2403.52 duration: 6.45 text: than really yeah then like the one I'm - id: 907 start: 2406.01 duration: 5.7 text: on now the guy so the guy goes uh you - id: 908 start: 2409.97 duration: 3.359 text: know when youth like you know if you're - id: 909 start: 2411.71 duration: 4.68 text: at a restaurant and you might order - id: 910 start: 2413.329 duration: 4.651 text: something and you're like this doesn't I - id: 911 start: 2416.39 duration: 3.3 text: don't know if this is a this tastes - id: 912 start: 2417.98 duration: 2.94 text: right but you'll second-guess yourself - id: 913 start: 2419.69 duration: 4.02 text: because like I don't really complain - id: 914 start: 2420.92 duration: 3.78 text: about the way something tastes you know - id: 915 start: 2423.71 duration: 3.42 text: like you like I don't want to make a - id: 916 start: 2424.7 duration: 4.05 text: thing of it yeah right so you go like I - id: 917 start: 2427.13 duration: 4.14 text: think you like now something that was - id: 918 start: 2428.75 duration: 4.8 text: wrong with this so like on the one of - id: 919 start: 2431.27 duration: 4.86 text: the first like second night on this bus - id: 920 start: 2433.55 duration: 3.25 text: "I was like man I feel like it's [\___\_]" - id: 921 start: 2436.13 duration: 3.79 text: loud - id: 922 start: 2436.8 duration: 5.52 text: back here like really loud you know yeah - id: 923 start: 2439.92 duration: 4.44 text: so then I'm like weird the neck we're in - id: 924 start: 2442.32 duration: 5.22 text: the next city and he's like how was it - id: 925 start: 2444.36 duration: 5.31 text: back there and I was like well I gotta - id: 926 start: 2447.54 duration: 4.68 text: be honest man I I don't want to like - id: 927 start: 2449.67 duration: 4.92 text: complain about it but it does seem - id: 928 start: 2452.22 duration: 4.98 text: pretty loud he goes yes they need to - id: 929 start: 2454.59 duration: 5.64 text: treat the new transmission dude - id: 930 start: 2457.2 duration: 5.81 text: I go like do you know this he was like - id: 931 start: 2460.23 duration: 5.82 text: oh yeah I told him you know and they - id: 932 start: 2463.01 duration: 5.41 text: they rotated the tires they replaced the - id: 933 start: 2466.05 duration: 4.2 text: rear axle but she's got some miles on - id: 934 start: 2468.42 duration: 2.76 text: her and she really needs some work and I - id: 935 start: 2470.25 duration: 4.32 text: was like Jesus - id: 936 start: 2471.18 duration: 6.75 text: so does this happen soon or one second - id: 937 start: 2474.57 duration: 6.63 text: doesn't he's like Adam now I'm like okay - id: 938 start: 2477.93 duration: 4.77 text: and then it was like it was like hey - id: 939 start: 2481.2 duration: 3.24 text: this water didn't really heat up he's - id: 940 start: 2482.7 duration: 3.84 text: like yeah the plug came and I told him - id: 941 start: 2484.44 duration: 3.51 text: the soundbar also came to attached and - id: 942 start: 2486.54 duration: 5.19 text: his TV is not working anymore and I'm - id: 943 start: 2487.95 duration: 5.79 text: like thank God so when like do I do I - id: 944 start: 2491.73 duration: 5.43 text: deal with this yeah just till it's fixed - id: 945 start: 2493.74 duration: 7.95 text: "oh my god [\___\_] that I know but I mean" - id: 946 start: 2497.16 duration: 9.33 text: you know really cigar Wi-Fi egg then the - id: 947 start: 2501.69 duration: 6.57 text: Wi-Fi the guy here's the thing that what - id: 948 start: 2506.49 duration: 5.21 text: a difference like a nice like great - id: 949 start: 2508.26 duration: 7.08 text: driver makes yeah the guy's the best and - id: 950 start: 2511.7 duration: 5.71 text: you know it's not like it's not that big - id: 951 start: 2515.34 duration: 3.78 text: like I fall asleep I get up we're in the - id: 952 start: 2517.41 duration: 3.18 text: next city I'm like I don't care man yeah - id: 953 start: 2519.12 duration: 3.09 text: you're sleeping anyways yeah I'm like - id: 954 start: 2520.59 duration: 4.08 text: it's not that big of a deal it there's - id: 955 start: 2522.21 duration: 4.74 text: "[\___\_] like like when the soundbar did" - id: 956 start: 2524.67 duration: 4.8 text: work on the TV the sound bar was dope - id: 957 start: 2526.95 duration: 4.47 text: like job like you could watch movies and - id: 958 start: 2529.47 duration: 5.85 text: like I was I was digging that but for - id: 959 start: 2531.42 duration: 6.72 text: the most part this bus has been falling - id: 960 start: 2535.32 duration: 5.01 text: dude and he'll fix it probably as I hop - id: 961 start: 2538.14 duration: 4.41 text: on that other bus no I want to see what - id: 962 start: 2540.33 duration: 3.69 text: it's I wouldn't mind splurging in order - id: 963 start: 2542.55 duration: 2.88 text: to get mine I had to have it for the - id: 964 start: 2544.02 duration: 2.76 text: whole three months yeah that makes sense - id: 965 start: 2545.43 duration: 3.99 text: it's good I wanted to wrap it which - id: 966 start: 2546.78 duration: 5.19 text: might have been a miscalculation no wait - id: 967 start: 2549.42 duration: 5.25 text: we let's talk about the rat bird move it - id: 968 start: 2551.97 duration: 4.62 text: is joe said that to me last night he - id: 969 start: 2554.67 duration: 3.21 text: "goes yeah what's up is you [\___\_]" - id: 970 start: 2556.59 duration: 2.76 text: wrapping it and that kind of like I - id: 971 start: 2557.88 duration: 2.91 text: couldn't do that man I'm too low-key I - id: 972 start: 2559.35 duration: 3.06 text: go yeah I don't think I would do that - id: 973 start: 2560.79 duration: 4.86 text: again in the future although I know I - id: 974 start: 2562.41 duration: 4.89 text: now will cuz yeah it's dude it is - id: 975 start: 2565.65 duration: 3.27 text: literally people just knocking on the - id: 976 start: 2567.3 duration: 4.2 text: door at any hour you've gotta be - id: 977 start: 2568.92 duration: 4.92 text: "[\___\_] what come in it's weird he's" - id: 978 start: 2571.5 duration: 5.91 text: bird in there like yeah he's sleeping - id: 979 start: 2573.84 duration: 5.73 text: wait wake him up you somebody all day - id: 980 start: 2577.41 duration: 4.26 text: right no we're doing these ridiculous - id: 981 start: 2579.57 duration: 5.19 text: posts to each other yeah my bus was in - id: 982 start: 2581.67 duration: 5.37 text: DC we driven through mind you Jersey - id: 983 start: 2584.76 duration: 4.92 text: Pittsburgh since he Cleveland land in DC - id: 984 start: 2587.04 duration: 5.06 text: it's filthy yeah and they wrote tour bus - id: 985 start: 2589.68 duration: 8.16 text: champ in the dirt are you serious - id: 986 start: 2592.1 duration: 7.9 text: hilarious the I I getting the the face - id: 987 start: 2597.84 duration: 3.75 text: on it the first night I realized it was - id: 988 start: 2600 duration: 2.55 text: like there's people waiting outside the - id: 989 start: 2601.59 duration: 2.79 text: bus and you're trying to get in the - id: 990 start: 2602.55 duration: 4.02 text: venue and I was like oh this is a - id: 991 start: 2604.38 duration: 4.17 text: "horrible [\___\_] idea and then knowing" - id: 992 start: 2606.57 duration: 2.28 text: that people not know that that's where - id: 993 start: 2608.55 duration: 3.57 text: you are - id: 994 start: 2608.85 duration: 4.86 text: I I wasn't comfortable then by tanmaya - id: 995 start: 2612.12 duration: 4.44 text: by the time we got to Tampa recently and - id: 996 start: 2613.71 duration: 3.96 text: Atlanta I loved it I was like well it - id: 997 start: 2616.56 duration: 3.06 text: started being like people are taking - id: 998 start: 2617.67 duration: 2.55 text: pictures of them outside the bus that - id: 999 start: 2619.62 duration: 2.13 text: was cool - id: 1000 start: 2620.22 duration: 2.94 text: like people would rip their shirts off - id: 1001 start: 2621.75 duration: 2.28 text: and take pictures outside it and I was - id: 1002 start: 2623.16 duration: 3.06 text: like oh that's awesome - id: 1003 start: 2624.03 duration: 4.32 text: and then I'm gonna never wear a shirt - id: 1004 start: 2626.22 duration: 5.13 text: again I know in your career yeah I mean - id: 1005 start: 2628.35 duration: 4.53 text: you're gonna be hopefully 80 years old - id: 1006 start: 2631.35 duration: 3.51 text: and you're gonna have to be like the - id: 1007 start: 2632.88 duration: 14.97 text: shirtless the geriatric economic guy - id: 1008 start: 2634.86 duration: 15.96 text: you're gonna be all soggy mantas colony - id: 1009 start: 2647.85 duration: 4.74 text: store I think if I just did sit-ups yeah - id: 1010 start: 2650.82 duration: 5.88 text: the Foods has nothing to do with it no - id: 1011 start: 2652.59 duration: 5.73 text: we sit ups where's your uh where's the - id: 1012 start: 2656.7 duration: 4.01 text: one underneath it that's your Vegas - id: 1013 start: 2658.32 duration: 2.39 text: picture - id: 1014 start: 2662.82 duration: 5.65 text: Jesus Christ how many beards am I - id: 1015 start: 2665.11 duration: 6.81 text: wearing no you had what's the shirt is - id: 1016 start: 2668.47 duration: 6.36 text: that says Gator balls patty melts el - id: 1017 start: 2671.92 duration: 4.77 text: Dorados monte carlos and el Dorados is - id: 1018 start: 2674.83 duration: 5.1 text: from the beginning of precious so fresh - id: 1019 start: 2676.69 duration: 5.28 text: and so clean oh boy big boy big boys my - id: 1020 start: 2679.93 duration: 3.48 text: buddy that's your dog I don't know it's - id: 1021 start: 2681.97 duration: 2.79 text: really cool everyone lightened him up - id: 1022 start: 2683.41 duration: 4.98 text: with the M word anytime he comments on - id: 1023 start: 2684.76 duration: 5.13 text: anything yeah some people don't get the - id: 1024 start: 2688.39 duration: 3.06 text: joke that's what kills me about it is - id: 1025 start: 2689.89 duration: 3.03 text: like some people get to choke and it's - id: 1026 start: 2691.45 duration: 3.12 text: funny some people really don't have a - id: 1027 start: 2692.92 duration: 3.3 text: sense of humor it's like it's almost - id: 1028 start: 2694.57 duration: 4.77 text: like watching Lenny from a mice and men - id: 1029 start: 2696.22 duration: 4.74 text: play with animals they're like oh and - id: 1030 start: 2699.34 duration: 4.08 text: then you're just like oh man you've got - id: 1031 start: 2700.96 duration: 4.26 text: doing this right at all the nuance of - id: 1032 start: 2703.42 duration: 3.45 text: the whole thing someone painted a - id: 1033 start: 2705.22 duration: 3.72 text: picture of outcast they're like hey I'm - id: 1034 start: 2706.87 duration: 4.02 text: a just poster for your boss and so I had - id: 1035 start: 2708.94 duration: 4.95 text: to limb please I have it is a big user - id: 1036 start: 2710.89 duration: 5.64 text: of outcasts above my bed it's weird very - id: 1037 start: 2713.89 duration: 5.76 text: weird yeah yeah do you have those - id: 1038 start: 2716.53 duration: 5.34 text: pictures of like the look-alikes so - id: 1039 start: 2719.65 duration: 3.42 text: remember how we had Gerard Depardieu at - id: 1040 start: 2721.87 duration: 3.6 text: one time do you think you kind of look - id: 1041 start: 2723.07 duration: 4.38 text: like this off yeah no you don't think - id: 1042 start: 2725.47 duration: 3.3 text: you look like him baby blue just like - id: 1043 start: 2727.45 duration: 1.74 text: your what about him in the white shirt - id: 1044 start: 2728.77 duration: 1.77 text: though - id: 1045 start: 2729.19 duration: 2.7 text: well there's Kendall feet no wait - id: 1046 start: 2730.54 duration: 3.21 text: they're not even remotely but like in - id: 1047 start: 2731.89 duration: 2.34 text: the smile and like no energy not even - id: 1048 start: 2733.75 duration: 6.45 text: close - id: 1049 start: 2734.23 duration: 8.1 text: no no but put a beard on him no kind of - id: 1050 start: 2740.2 duration: 5.64 text: have his build a little bit you right - id: 1051 start: 2742.33 duration: 5.34 text: there you look like that - id: 1052 start: 2745.84 duration: 3.36 text: alone oh that was a weak you a died you - id: 1053 start: 2747.67 duration: 5.16 text: don't look like it more like that than I - id: 1054 start: 2749.2 duration: 6.6 text: look like that last night Annie Lederman - id: 1055 start: 2752.83 duration: 4.74 text: goes she touches my belly's goes oh yeah - id: 1056 start: 2755.8 duration: 3.9 text: that's right I forgot you were fat she - id: 1057 start: 2757.57 duration: 4.5 text: goes you're like hard fat Tom's like a - id: 1058 start: 2759.7 duration: 6 text: soft fat right now yeah he's a gentle - id: 1059 start: 2762.07 duration: 5.49 text: fat yeah yeah it's awful my podcast you - id: 1060 start: 2765.7 duration: 2.37 text: did it was a long time ago did you - id: 1061 start: 2767.56 duration: 2.76 text: really - id: 1062 start: 2768.07 duration: 3.72 text: when was just me doing all the audio and - id: 1063 start: 2770.32 duration: 2.82 text: stuff so I bring them in the podcast I - id: 1064 start: 2771.79 duration: 2.94 text: start the podcast he brings a girl with - id: 1065 start: 2773.14 duration: 2.52 text: him and the first thing he says it's - id: 1066 start: 2774.73 duration: 3.36 text: "show him your [\___\_]" - id: 1067 start: 2775.66 duration: 4.05 text: what oh my couch like she like took her - id: 1068 start: 2778.09 duration: 4.35 text: "[\___\_] out on my couch on my leather" - id: 1069 start: 2779.71 duration: 5 text: couch like the weather you know that's - id: 1070 start: 2782.44 duration: 3.81 text: nikki Haley the former UN Ambassador - id: 1071 start: 2784.71 duration: 4.51 text: that woman right there - id: 1072 start: 2786.25 duration: 4.86 text: no yeah she I don't think that's - id: 1073 start: 2789.22 duration: 4.02 text: accurate that's that's who she is no - id: 1074 start: 2791.11 duration: 3.49 text: yeah she's gonna do a speaking tour - id: 1075 start: 2793.24 duration: 4.61 text: pretty soon - id: 1076 start: 2794.6 duration: 5.53 text: uh-huh yeah yeah can't we be here with - id: 1077 start: 2797.85 duration: 6.57 text: yes the same way God gave her vocal - id: 1078 start: 2800.13 duration: 5.55 text: cords to you don't you look like that no - id: 1079 start: 2804.42 duration: 3.69 text: not at all do you think you're gonna - id: 1080 start: 2805.68 duration: 4.98 text: look like that no I hate when I go I - id: 1081 start: 2808.11 duration: 4.29 text: hate when I see you know that guy Vance - id: 1082 start: 2810.66 duration: 4.59 text: Hines is almost skinnier than me now - id: 1083 start: 2812.4 duration: 4.14 text: yeah it's Vance this is pretty great - id: 1084 start: 2815.25 duration: 2.88 text: it's by the way hold on I have to okay - id: 1085 start: 2816.54 duration: 3.51 text: well we're gonna make fun of this but I - id: 1086 start: 2818.13 duration: 4.02 text: have to say at the very beginning he's - id: 1087 start: 2820.05 duration: 4.2 text: "put an amazing [\___\_] work to get where" - id: 1088 start: 2822.15 duration: 3.63 text: he is of course I'm not like I'm gonna - id: 1089 start: 2824.25 duration: 3.18 text: we're gonna make jokes about it I'm sure - id: 1090 start: 2825.78 duration: 3.39 text: but like I am so impressed with this - id: 1091 start: 2827.43 duration: 3.09 text: "guy's [\___\_] mindset hey you don't know" - id: 1092 start: 2829.17 duration: 3.45 text: anything about this van science guy now - id: 1093 start: 2830.52 duration: 4.68 text: okay this goes back to the original - id: 1094 start: 2832.62 duration: 6.93 text: weight-loss challenge right this minute - id: 1095 start: 2835.2 duration: 5.88 text: no I think it goes to sober October go - id: 1096 start: 2839.55 duration: 4.11 text: sober October because that weight loss - id: 1097 start: 2841.08 duration: 5.76 text: challenge he he started his weight-loss - id: 1098 start: 2843.66 duration: 6.48 text: journey right in November I think a full - id: 1099 start: 2846.84 duration: 7.71 text: year ago okay okay and so or more more - id: 1100 start: 2850.14 duration: 6.06 text: than a year ago now but I said on the - id: 1101 start: 2854.55 duration: 3.87 text: podcast I said I could run a marathon in - id: 1102 start: 2856.2 duration: 4.47 text: under five hours which I didn't I ran it - id: 1103 start: 2858.42 duration: 3.99 text: in 533 but yeah in building up to the - id: 1104 start: 2860.67 duration: 4.17 text: marathon I ran a half marathon and Vance - id: 1105 start: 2862.41 duration: 3.72 text: Hines listen to the sober October listen - id: 1106 start: 2864.84 duration: 3.87 text: to the fat shaming listen to all that - id: 1107 start: 2866.13 duration: 4.98 text: but he saw me run the half marathon and - id: 1108 start: 2868.71 duration: 4.14 text: "then literally was like well [\___\_] if" - id: 1109 start: 2871.11 duration: 4.94 text: Burt can do that I can do something and - id: 1110 start: 2872.85 duration: 7.14 text: so he started trying to work out he was - id: 1111 start: 2876.05 duration: 8.23 text: 475 pounds and today he's like 4 to 250 - id: 1112 start: 2879.99 duration: 5.73 text: wow he looks amazing awesome but then he - id: 1113 start: 2884.28 duration: 3.36 text: came and did my podcast with Diamond - id: 1114 start: 2885.72 duration: 4.65 text: Dallas Page in Atlanta at the Tabernacle - id: 1115 start: 2887.64 duration: 3.96 text: "by the way [\___\_] tabernacle awesome" - id: 1116 start: 2890.37 duration: 2.7 text: this awareness venue in the entire world - id: 1117 start: 2891.6 duration: 3.93 text: did you know that was a white church it - id: 1118 start: 2893.07 duration: 4.53 text: was a Baptist Church is all white church - id: 1119 start: 2895.53 duration: 3.78 text: I thought was an old black church no I - id: 1120 start: 2897.6 duration: 3.81 text: didn't know that first it was Baptist - id: 1121 start: 2899.31 duration: 3.21 text: that yeah and I said to them I go so - id: 1122 start: 2901.41 duration: 3.51 text: this should be an all-black Church and - id: 1123 start: 2902.52 duration: 3.63 text: they go no I said what do you mean they - id: 1124 start: 2904.92 duration: 2.82 text: go it was a white church and I was like - id: 1125 start: 2906.15 duration: 4.89 text: well it's the tabernacle they're like - id: 1126 start: 2907.74 duration: 4.68 text: yeah what what part of them the 1900s do - id: 1127 start: 2911.04 duration: 3.84 text: you think they let black people come in - id: 1128 start: 2912.42 duration: 3.78 text: here oh yeah oh yeah and they go you see - id: 1129 start: 2914.88 duration: 3.63 text: Martin Luther King's church it's like a - id: 1130 start: 2916.2 duration: 4.05 text: box do you think they had this one too - id: 1131 start: 2918.51 duration: 3.57 text: and Martin Luther King chose to preach - id: 1132 start: 2920.25 duration: 3.3 text: in a box I was like oh I never even - id: 1133 start: 2922.08 duration: 2.94 text: realized that no like yeah this was - id: 1134 start: 2923.55 duration: 3.21 text: primarily filled with races white people - id: 1135 start: 2925.02 duration: 3.26 text: I went oh that makes us a venue very - id: 1136 start: 2926.76 duration: 4.69 text: different for me in my heart - id: 1137 start: 2928.28 duration: 6.03 text: and so um there came out wrong and so - id: 1138 start: 2931.45 duration: 6.73 text: but uh but van signs in Diamond Dallas - id: 1139 start: 2934.31 duration: 5.61 text: Page comes in and he's like race to 200 - id: 1140 start: 2938.18 duration: 3.63 text: let's see you can get to 200 first and I - id: 1141 start: 2939.92 duration: 6.35 text: "was like I'm never gonna [\___\_] catch" - id: 1142 start: 2941.81 duration: 5.94 text: you to 200 oh so what the guy that house - id: 1143 start: 2946.27 duration: 3.85 text: by the way - id: 1144 start: 2947.75 duration: 11.16 text: hold on go on how far from 200 are you - id: 1145 start: 2950.12 duration: 10.77 text: like solid forty fifty I can tell you - id: 1146 start: 2958.91 duration: 3.78 text: right now on my wedding zap okay I - id: 1147 start: 2960.89 duration: 3.36 text: weighed in this morning on my wedding - id: 1148 start: 2962.69 duration: 4.5 text: zap I don't look at it it just right - id: 1149 start: 2964.25 duration: 4.47 text: it's just on my phone oh you don't look - id: 1150 start: 2967.19 duration: 3.09 text: at it no cuz I want to track it but I - id: 1151 start: 2968.72 duration: 3.81 text: want to track it I want to see it when - id: 1152 start: 2970.28 duration: 3.54 text: I'm skinny I don't see it now gosh oh my - id: 1153 start: 2972.53 duration: 2.55 text: a PI you get away on the scale goes - id: 1154 start: 2973.82 duration: 2.64 text: right to my phone and you don't take a - id: 1155 start: 2975.08 duration: 3.27 text: look there's nothing fun with your day - id: 1156 start: 2976.46 duration: 3.72 text: yeah yeah I just go affect your behavior - id: 1157 start: 2978.35 duration: 4.71 text: and any winnings Apple might have a - id: 1158 start: 2980.18 duration: 3.71 text: winning scale on my bus and in my house - id: 1159 start: 2983.06 duration: 6.12 text: okay - id: 1160 start: 2983.89 duration: 11.31 text: to 45.8 okay so about I was to 45.9 - id: 1161 start: 2989.18 duration: 8.4 text: yesterday 250 February 14th - id: 1162 start: 2995.2 duration: 5.35 text: so so you're going down you're going - id: 1163 start: 2997.58 duration: 7.02 text: down but what so what are you doing laws - id: 1164 start: 3000.55 duration: 5.43 text: diarrhea no I am no I can't be honest - id: 1165 start: 3004.6 duration: 3.18 text: "with you boys yeah I have no [\___\_]" - id: 1166 start: 3005.98 duration: 3.24 text: idea how to lose weight yeah even when - id: 1167 start: 3007.78 duration: 4.05 text: I've lost weight I just do it like this - id: 1168 start: 3009.22 duration: 4.2 text: psyche on psychotic manic kind of way I - id: 1169 start: 3011.83 duration: 3.42 text: don't do it like a healthy yeah you - id: 1170 start: 3013.42 duration: 4.32 text: don't have a method but if you if you - id: 1171 start: 3015.25 duration: 4.23 text: okay let's talk to Joe no can he make a - id: 1172 start: 3017.74 duration: 3.06 text: method for you and could you stick to it - id: 1173 start: 3019.48 duration: 2.85 text: if someone wrote down here's what you're - id: 1174 start: 3020.8 duration: 3.18 text: gonna do this is what this is the - id: 1175 start: 3022.33 duration: 2.58 text: routine could you have a routine and - id: 1176 start: 3023.98 duration: 3.39 text: stick to it - id: 1177 start: 3024.91 duration: 4.35 text: yeah I can be I can be obsessive - id: 1178 start: 3027.37 duration: 3.57 text: compulsive but the problem is I'm not - id: 1179 start: 3029.26 duration: 4.83 text: you like hyper obsessive yeah hyper - id: 1180 start: 3030.94 duration: 4.77 text: obsessive but the problem is is I when - id: 1181 start: 3034.09 duration: 4.38 text: we lost all that weight I stayed in the - id: 1182 start: 3035.71 duration: 4.65 text: two 20s for a full calendar year full - id: 1183 start: 3038.47 duration: 3.9 text: year yeah we were both in the two 20s - id: 1184 start: 3040.36 duration: 4.38 text: for your probably still around what 230 - id: 1185 start: 3042.37 duration: 3.9 text: yeah but like we were in the two 20s for - id: 1186 start: 3044.74 duration: 2.85 text: "a full [\___\_] years when we did sober" - id: 1187 start: 3046.27 duration: 2.97 text: October we did our weigh-ins at your - id: 1188 start: 3047.59 duration: 4.11 text: house when we went to party at your - id: 1189 start: 3049.24 duration: 6.21 text: house afterwards it's almost exact same - id: 1190 start: 3051.7 duration: 5.19 text: snot wait yeah I don't know why I don't - id: 1191 start: 3055.45 duration: 3.33 text: know what's going on it's just all the - id: 1192 start: 3056.89 duration: 3.3 text: sudden it just balloons up I get really - id: 1193 start: 3058.78 duration: 2.71 text: good well I don't think it's that - id: 1194 start: 3060.19 duration: 4.06 text: confusing actually - id: 1195 start: 3061.49 duration: 7.47 text: I get pretty I get pretty like I get off - id: 1196 start: 3064.25 duration: 7.26 text: the rails sometimes like yeah weird I - id: 1197 start: 3068.96 duration: 4.32 text: think part of it too here is that is the - id: 1198 start: 3071.51 duration: 4.829 text: fact that look you're a celebratory guy - id: 1199 start: 3073.28 duration: 6.059 text: yeah you're fun guy yeah you're killing - id: 1200 start: 3076.339 duration: 5.221 text: it on the road yeah you deserve treats - id: 1201 start: 3079.339 duration: 4.351 text: there we go now we're talking like my - id: 1202 start: 3081.56 duration: 5.34 text: inner mundial on here away from your - id: 1203 start: 3083.69 duration: 4.23 text: family okay let's hear about a strip - id: 1204 start: 3086.9 duration: 6.959 text: club - id: 1205 start: 3087.92 duration: 7.65 text: so vixens Fort Lauderdale you just um - id: 1206 start: 3093.859 duration: 3.48 text: you know you're a you're the goodtime - id: 1207 start: 3095.57 duration: 3.029 text: guy so you don't have treats in your - id: 1208 start: 3097.339 duration: 3.391 text: head like when you get done a show you - id: 1209 start: 3098.599 duration: 3.99 text: don't go I wonder what I get to treat - id: 1210 start: 3100.73 duration: 2.69 text: myself with I mean sometimes yeah what's - id: 1211 start: 3102.589 duration: 3.721 text: your treat - id: 1212 start: 3103.42 duration: 6.429 text: well here's the thing I have a way it's - id: 1213 start: 3106.31 duration: 5.7 text: not even like a party thing or a version - id: 1214 start: 3109.849 duration: 5.311 text: to it it's just like I've just look I'm - id: 1215 start: 3112.01 duration: 4.349 text: just not wired to be a big drinker so - id: 1216 start: 3115.16 duration: 5.1 text: you know I here you go now I get to be - id: 1217 start: 3116.359 duration: 6 text: alone no the dark loves that I do like - id: 1218 start: 3120.26 duration: 5.64 text: that but I mean most here's most of my - id: 1219 start: 3122.359 duration: 5.521 text: the second show's over okay yeah so I go - id: 1220 start: 3125.9 duration: 3.63 text: back in that green room so hold on let's - id: 1221 start: 3127.88 duration: 3.989 text: walk through our you do two shows so - id: 1222 start: 3129.53 duration: 5.76 text: your first show no booze I'm sure right - id: 1223 start: 3131.869 duration: 5.191 text: definitely coffee yeah okay me too a cup - id: 1224 start: 3135.29 duration: 3.329 text: of coffee we're gonna stage no booze - id: 1225 start: 3137.06 duration: 2.13 text: first show they might bring a beer up I - id: 1226 start: 3138.619 duration: 3.871 text: won't touch it - id: 1227 start: 3139.19 duration: 5.1 text: "mm-hmm second show I bring a [\___\_] up" - id: 1228 start: 3142.49 duration: 3.93 text: bring a cocktail or beer out yeah never - id: 1229 start: 3144.29 duration: 3.24 text: when I said what I say um when I was 22 - id: 1230 start: 3146.42 duration: 2.76 text: years old I got Bob the Russian mafia - id: 1231 start: 3147.53 duration: 2.819 text: here's how it happened they cheer and - id: 1232 start: 3149.18 duration: 2.159 text: that's when I start drinking that's my - id: 1233 start: 3150.349 duration: 2.611 text: first thing to them and that's your - id: 1234 start: 3151.339 duration: 3 text: closer is why you guys all to the - id: 1235 start: 3152.96 duration: 3.389 text: Machine story every night yeah so then - id: 1236 start: 3154.339 duration: 3.27 text: you have like 10 minutes and then you 40 - id: 1237 start: 3156.349 duration: 3.181 text: minutes and I get I get I'll get a - id: 1238 start: 3157.609 duration: 3.091 text: little bit of a buzz oddly enough I know - id: 1239 start: 3159.53 duration: 3.089 text: that people think that I wouldn't but - id: 1240 start: 3160.7 duration: 3.48 text: even in that 14 minutes just having a - id: 1241 start: 3162.619 duration: 3.74 text: few sips I catch a little bit of a buzz - id: 1242 start: 3164.18 duration: 4.83 text: but you're also like you're doing the - id: 1243 start: 3166.359 duration: 5.141 text: like it's almost like a performance of a - id: 1244 start: 3169.01 duration: 5.19 text: play they know you know so I get that I - id: 1245 start: 3171.5 duration: 4.89 text: I never drink ever during shows before - id: 1246 start: 3174.2 duration: 4.5 text: during I just in my head I can't drink - id: 1247 start: 3176.39 duration: 4.229 text: before it makes me we did it in Vegas we - id: 1248 start: 3178.7 duration: 3.84 text: tried the mimosas and I'll do it on like - id: 1249 start: 3180.619 duration: 4.891 text: an overnight flight I'll drink that - id: 1250 start: 3182.54 duration: 4.62 text: evening but I have to be sober I can't - id: 1251 start: 3185.51 duration: 3.54 text: be having beers getting on stage yeah I - id: 1252 start: 3187.16 duration: 4.62 text: just give a shitty show I usually have - id: 1253 start: 3189.05 duration: 4.51 text: I'll have a drink after shows once or - id: 1254 start: 3191.78 duration: 5.28 text: twice a week - id: 1255 start: 3193.56 duration: 7.02 text: and and usually it's maybe one drink - id: 1256 start: 3197.06 duration: 5.38 text: sometimes it's to myself what do you do - id: 1257 start: 3200.58 duration: 3.48 text: after the show that's fine - id: 1258 start: 3202.44 duration: 3.42 text: so-so but I mean alright so because - id: 1259 start: 3204.06 duration: 5.04 text: we're both on buses it's basically like - id: 1260 start: 3205.86 duration: 4.7 text: this it's like if so the second show - id: 1261 start: 3209.1 duration: 4.56 text: will end I'll go to the green room - id: 1262 start: 3210.56 duration: 5.89 text: whoever's with me will be hanging out in - id: 1263 start: 3213.66 duration: 4.71 text: there music I have like a speaker so - id: 1264 start: 3216.45 duration: 4.71 text: we'll put music on talk about the shows - id: 1265 start: 3218.37 duration: 4.71 text: talk about jokes and then if I feel like - id: 1266 start: 3221.16 duration: 3.18 text: having a drink we have drinks sometimes - id: 1267 start: 3223.08 duration: 3.09 text: we have a post-show meal so I have a - id: 1268 start: 3224.34 duration: 3.78 text: meal delivered as I'm coming off stage - id: 1269 start: 3226.17 duration: 3.9 text: so we eat so it's like having dinner - id: 1270 start: 3228.12 duration: 3.66 text: after the show yeah and then it's like - id: 1271 start: 3230.07 duration: 4.89 text: what how important is the transportation - id: 1272 start: 3231.78 duration: 6.06 text: if it's like we got to get going like - id: 1273 start: 3234.96 duration: 4.11 text: we'll get on the bus and you know if I - id: 1274 start: 3237.84 duration: 2.49 text: could like I said if it's like I feel - id: 1275 start: 3239.07 duration: 3.84 text: like having a drink that night we have a - id: 1276 start: 3240.33 duration: 6.54 text: drink sit around some nice I don't so - id: 1277 start: 3242.91 duration: 6.24 text: sometimes I'll hit a like a vape pen you - id: 1278 start: 3246.87 duration: 5.07 text: know do you like to vape dad yeah even a - id: 1279 start: 3249.15 duration: 4.56 text: mild edible I like mild ones so I keep - id: 1280 start: 3251.94 duration: 6.9 text: it like real buzz level you know not - id: 1281 start: 3253.71 duration: 6.14 text: "[\___\_] up a little different yeah go" - id: 1282 start: 3258.84 duration: 6.51 text: ahead - id: 1283 start: 3259.85 duration: 7.03 text: tell us the truth man's not here it's - id: 1284 start: 3265.35 duration: 4.29 text: not LeAnn I'm worried about how are you - id: 1285 start: 3266.88 duration: 9.54 text: worried about okay everyone else oh they - id: 1286 start: 3269.64 duration: 8.79 text: know drink on stage for the second show - id: 1287 start: 3276.42 duration: 4.62 text: starts when I tell the Machine story I - id: 1288 start: 3278.43 duration: 3.99 text: go backstage and then backstage I'll - id: 1289 start: 3281.04 duration: 3.6 text: have another drink like sitting back - id: 1290 start: 3282.42 duration: 3.69 text: there we do like you know like a - id: 1291 start: 3284.64 duration: 3.36 text: 15-minute chill-out people come - id: 1292 start: 3286.11 duration: 3.78 text: backstage for backstage passes like - id: 1293 start: 3288 duration: 3.69 text: friends or well you know whatever and - id: 1294 start: 3289.89 duration: 2.7 text: have a drink with them and then I'll - id: 1295 start: 3291.69 duration: 2.52 text: take that drink out to the - id: 1296 start: 3292.59 duration: 3.99 text: meet-and-greet to the meet-and-greet of - id: 1297 start: 3294.21 duration: 4.59 text: course makes sense yeah and then and - id: 1298 start: 3296.58 duration: 4.2 text: then what I've been doing a lot lately - id: 1299 start: 3298.8 duration: 3.66 text: is going is telling everyone on the show - id: 1300 start: 3300.78 duration: 3.24 text: where I'm gonna go drink and then - id: 1301 start: 3302.46 duration: 2.64 text: everyone goes and I meets me at a bar - id: 1302 start: 3304.02 duration: 4.74 text: yeah it's different - id: 1303 start: 3305.1 duration: 5.49 text: Wow that sounds like my nightmare it's - id: 1304 start: 3308.76 duration: 2.93 text: not that bad if you can't connect right - id: 1305 start: 3310.59 duration: 2.97 text: oh right - id: 1306 start: 3311.69 duration: 3.61 text: associated with yeah if you're one of - id: 1307 start: 3313.56 duration: 3.63 text: those people that that can get into you - id: 1308 start: 3315.3 duration: 3.93 text: yeah then it will get into you I would - id: 1309 start: 3317.19 duration: 3.72 text: have to leave a lot more if I had to do - id: 1310 start: 3319.23 duration: 3.03 text: I actually don't drink that much because - id: 1311 start: 3320.91 duration: 2.88 text: I can't drinks I'm taking pictures I'll - id: 1312 start: 3322.26 duration: 3.06 text: take maybe like I would drink a lot more - id: 1313 start: 3323.79 duration: 2.74 text: if I had to take pictures I'll take a - id: 1314 start: 3325.32 duration: 4.18 text: look 500 picture - id: 1315 start: 3326.53 duration: 5.91 text: at night like a like I'm right I'm - id: 1316 start: 3329.5 duration: 6.15 text: inviting 1,800 people to a bar you know - id: 1317 start: 3332.44 duration: 5.31 text: and going like at bow shows you I'll be - id: 1318 start: 3335.65 duration: 4.26 text: drinking it dot dot tonight if you want - id: 1319 start: 3337.75 duration: 2.4 text: meet me over there and I'll see you over - id: 1320 start: 3339.91 duration: 2.55 text: there - id: 1321 start: 3340.15 duration: 4.2 text: you know how happy I don't get that - id: 1322 start: 3342.46 duration: 3.63 text: house I won't do shots I won't do shots - id: 1323 start: 3344.35 duration: 5.01 text: with anyone people I won't let people - id: 1324 start: 3346.09 duration: 4.62 text: buy me drinks that is nice I go and I'll - id: 1325 start: 3349.36 duration: 3.33 text: tip the bartender is usually a hundred - id: 1326 start: 3350.71 duration: 3.24 text: bucks each and just say hey thanks I'm - id: 1327 start: 3352.69 duration: 1.56 text: "sorry that I [\___\_] swamps your bar" - id: 1328 start: 3353.95 duration: 2.49 text: tonight - id: 1329 start: 3354.25 duration: 4.17 text: and then and they usually take care of - id: 1330 start: 3356.44 duration: 4.11 text: me and just give me like in when we did - id: 1331 start: 3358.42 duration: 3.39 text: it in Boston we went to the that place - id: 1332 start: 3360.55 duration: 4.17 text: right down the street I forget the name - id: 1333 start: 3361.81 duration: 5.19 text: of it and I did they didn't have Tito's - id: 1334 start: 3364.72 duration: 3.84 text: and soda so I just drank beer but I - id: 1335 start: 3367 duration: 3.12 text: don't really go to as he doesn't so done - id: 1336 start: 3368.56 duration: 2.73 text: all right it would say it's just a - id: 1337 start: 3370.12 duration: 3.63 text: little healthier I think it's a little - id: 1338 start: 3371.29 duration: 3.87 text: leaner and so that's but yeah but then - id: 1339 start: 3373.75 duration: 3.12 text: we get on the bus you got a nice handle - id: 1340 start: 3375.16 duration: 3.48 text: with you here I brought you know - id: 1341 start: 3376.87 duration: 3.63 text: Tito's is always nice enough to send me - id: 1342 start: 3378.64 duration: 4.29 text: handles all the time that's nice I have - id: 1343 start: 3380.5 duration: 5.88 text: maybe I have maybe nineteen bottles of - id: 1344 start: 3382.93 duration: 5.58 text: Tito's at my tour bus really I have so - id: 1345 start: 3386.38 duration: 4.86 text: much goddamn Tito's on my tour bus you - id: 1346 start: 3388.51 duration: 4.26 text: have no idea in Atlanta Live Nation just - id: 1347 start: 3391.24 duration: 3.57 text: gave me a case of Tito's they were like - id: 1348 start: 3392.77 duration: 4.5 text: I'll just so you have it we have so much - id: 1349 start: 3394.81 duration: 4.56 text: Tito's it's ridiculous but here's where - id: 1350 start: 3397.27 duration: 3.81 text: it gets wacky for me is like then we get - id: 1351 start: 3399.37 duration: 3.6 text: on the bus and we got we don't travel - id: 1352 start: 3401.08 duration: 5.34 text: with like six people so you get on the - id: 1353 start: 3402.97 duration: 4.5 text: bus and everyone's like let's do another - id: 1354 start: 3406.42 duration: 3.81 text: round hey let's throw on some Netflix - id: 1355 start: 3407.47 duration: 4.05 text: hey we just bullshitting and then you - id: 1356 start: 3410.23 duration: 3.78 text: stay up and sometimes until 4:00 in the - id: 1357 start: 3411.52 duration: 5.94 text: morning and you're like and then you do - id: 1358 start: 3414.01 duration: 5.37 text: time I stay up late er Lake I do stay up - id: 1359 start: 3417.46 duration: 3.21 text: late and I have trouble I've always had - id: 1360 start: 3419.38 duration: 3.36 text: trouble I got you know I have trouble - id: 1361 start: 3420.67 duration: 3.63 text: falling asleep yeah here when I'm on the - id: 1362 start: 3422.74 duration: 3.81 text: "East Coast I'm [\___\_]" - id: 1363 start: 3424.3 duration: 4.95 text: "yeah I I guess the one thing that [\___\_]" - id: 1364 start: 3426.55 duration: 4.86 text: me up the most is uh I don't want to be - id: 1365 start: 3429.25 duration: 4.53 text: "up that late and I'm still like [\___\_] man" - id: 1366 start: 3431.41 duration: 3.81 text: that's 313 um but once you get on the - id: 1367 start: 3433.78 duration: 2.94 text: bus it's healthier for me like when we - id: 1368 start: 3435.22 duration: 3.33 text: have to leave right after a venue it's - id: 1369 start: 3436.72 duration: 3 text: very healthy when you go to a bar then - id: 1370 start: 3438.55 duration: 3 text: you get back to the bus and you're like - id: 1371 start: 3439.72 duration: 3.39 text: you're just like I was staying up - id: 1372 start: 3441.55 duration: 4.05 text: talking but you're not getting nap - id: 1373 start: 3443.11 duration: 5.28 text: "[\___\_] up yeah on the just sitting on" - id: 1374 start: 3445.6 duration: 4.17 text: the bus I think my drinking all the - id: 1375 start: 3448.39 duration: 3.57 text: enough has been more under control them - id: 1376 start: 3449.77 duration: 3.72 text: i eating I was really good the first run - id: 1377 start: 3451.96 duration: 3.42 text: "and then it just [\___\_] I started to do" - id: 1378 start: 3453.49 duration: 3.18 text: this like when because you know when you - id: 1379 start: 3455.38 duration: 3.39 text: when you get to the theaters they'll say - id: 1380 start: 3456.67 duration: 3.78 text: like do you want food you know do you - id: 1381 start: 3458.77 duration: 3.27 text: want to order pre-show meal just - id: 1382 start: 3460.45 duration: 3.96 text: like an automated answer she's like yeah - id: 1383 start: 3462.04 duration: 4.23 text: grilled chicken but like just this way - id: 1384 start: 3464.41 duration: 3.689 text: what gets delivered is good for you I - id: 1385 start: 3466.27 duration: 5.49 text: was doing salads for a while that's good - id: 1386 start: 3468.099 duration: 5.221 text: yeah yeah when we were in Indianapolis - id: 1387 start: 3471.76 duration: 4.23 text: made this great pizza place grunts I was - id: 1388 start: 3473.32 duration: 4.89 text: like yeah four pizzas huh what watch the - id: 1389 start: 3475.99 duration: 4.29 text: NFC Championship an outdoor bus huh what - id: 1390 start: 3478.21 duration: 4.83 text: "does this [\___\_] the wheels come off" - id: 1391 start: 3480.28 duration: 6 text: yeah is that Leanne I know it's like - id: 1392 start: 3483.04 duration: 9.15 text: Mitch fate oh look at it what's going on - id: 1393 start: 3486.28 duration: 8.37 text: there oh my god that's a dirt oh my god - id: 1394 start: 3492.19 duration: 4.8 text: is that fern yeah jerking off that's me - id: 1395 start: 3494.65 duration: 5.04 text: jerking off in a window yeah look at him - id: 1396 start: 3496.99 duration: 3.839 text: oh my god you've never seen this I'd - id: 1397 start: 3499.69 duration: 3.06 text: never seen that before - id: 1398 start: 3500.829 duration: 4.801 text: that woman got almost got me fired you - id: 1399 start: 3502.75 duration: 4.17 text: never heard this story dad time you - id: 1400 start: 3505.63 duration: 3.84 text: checked off you never heard this story - id: 1401 start: 3506.92 duration: 5.04 text: for real no oh this is a good story - id: 1402 start: 3509.47 duration: 4.53 text: tell me so for those of you who are - id: 1403 start: 3511.96 duration: 3.629 text: listening you did not see anything yeah - id: 1404 start: 3514 duration: 3.57 text: that's true but what you did was from - id: 1405 start: 3515.589 duration: 3.75 text: the shield and those two act that's not - id: 1406 start: 3517.57 duration: 3.75 text: real footage that's not real footage no - id: 1407 start: 3519.339 duration: 2.371 text: oh I thought it was that's from the - id: 1408 start: 3521.32 duration: 1.92 text: shield - id: 1409 start: 3521.71 duration: 5.46 text: I thought shows from the tour no no no - id: 1410 start: 3523.24 duration: 6.66 text: no no so uh I the television show that - id: 1411 start: 3527.17 duration: 5.07 text: "she the shield you were I was a [\___\_]" - id: 1412 start: 3529.9 duration: 4.86 text: "that was my role it said the [\___\_] what" - id: 1413 start: 3532.24 duration: 3.54 text: was the booking like iid actually didn't - id: 1414 start: 3534.76 duration: 4.079 text: even have to read for it they just - id: 1415 start: 3535.78 duration: 4.23 text: booked me how great is it yeah Tommy - id: 1416 start: 3538.839 duration: 3.901 text: just looked at me in they go he looks - id: 1417 start: 3540.01 duration: 5.67 text: "like a [\___\_] [\___\_] cuz the role was I" - id: 1418 start: 3542.74 duration: 5.849 text: "was a guy who hired a black guy to [\___\_]" - id: 1419 start: 3545.68 duration: 4.35 text: my wife and I like to jack off watching - id: 1420 start: 3548.589 duration: 3.871 text: "them [\___\_] on the outside dressed as a" - id: 1421 start: 3550.03 duration: 4.17 text: DWP elf boy yeah guy this is pretty cool - id: 1422 start: 3552.46 duration: 3 text: I like this very specific and I didn't - id: 1423 start: 3554.2 duration: 3.149 text: even have to read for it they went yeah - id: 1424 start: 3555.46 duration: 3.03 text: "they checks off the black guys [\___\_]" - id: 1425 start: 3557.349 duration: 2.851 text: his wife yeah - id: 1426 start: 3558.49 duration: 3.839 text: so how turned out would you be if that - id: 1427 start: 3560.2 duration: 4.29 text: were our thing not at all not at all - id: 1428 start: 3562.329 duration: 4.201 text: "really the idea of someone else [\___\_]" - id: 1429 start: 3564.49 duration: 9.18 text: Leanne is not turn me on what are you - id: 1430 start: 3566.53 duration: 9.12 text: whoa was that you're opening your opener - id: 1431 start: 3573.67 duration: 4.08 text: no no that was I don't know what that - id: 1432 start: 3575.65 duration: 5.34 text: was from I'm offended by that kind of - id: 1433 start: 3577.75 duration: 8.25 text: Christ it startled me I wasn't expecting - id: 1434 start: 3580.99 duration: 6.839 text: to hear Bert saying oh wait what's a - id: 1435 start: 3586 duration: 3.569 text: turn-on for you and Leanne like what - id: 1436 start: 3587.829 duration: 3.79 text: would you want to happen with Leanne - id: 1437 start: 3589.569 duration: 5.05 text: "nothing just me and her [\___\_] yeah" - id: 1438 start: 3591.619 duration: 5.37 text: we're not Cato's those no there's no - id: 1439 start: 3594.619 duration: 5.25 text: like hot Girl Scout troop leader mom - id: 1440 start: 3596.989 duration: 4.951 text: that you'd be like Olean we should oh no - id: 1441 start: 3599.869 duration: 6.331 text: that was your go go to like you put her - id: 1442 start: 3601.94 duration: 6.929 text: in the dog or like missionary yeah we - id: 1443 start: 3606.2 duration: 5.129 text: did we did the 12 nights of Kama Sutra - id: 1444 start: 3608.869 duration: 4.2 text: in December yeah we did the 12 nights - id: 1445 start: 3611.329 duration: 4.92 text: Christmas with a group of friends so we - id: 1446 start: 3613.069 duration: 4.591 text: had 12 parties in December and then on - id: 1447 start: 3616.249 duration: 2.911 text: the photos every one of those nights and - id: 1448 start: 3617.66 duration: 3.389 text: then the first night for you I said why - id: 1449 start: 3619.16 duration: 3.48 text: don't we as a group of friends do the 12 - id: 1450 start: 3621.049 duration: 3.48 text: nights of Kama Sutra so every night we - id: 1451 start: 3622.64 duration: 3.689 text: have a party we'll all send each other a - id: 1452 start: 3624.529 duration: 3.391 text: new Kama Sutra pose that we have to do - id: 1453 start: 3626.329 duration: 3.75 text: and then we'll send our notes back in - id: 1454 start: 3627.92 duration: 4.439 text: the morning as a couple and not everyone - id: 1455 start: 3630.079 duration: 6.54 text: understood it properly the first couple - id: 1456 start: 3632.359 duration: 6.291 text: gave their kids nikkor a benadryl yeah - id: 1457 start: 3636.619 duration: 4.35 text: and then did all 12 positions that night - id: 1458 start: 3638.65 duration: 6.189 text: "they'd knock their kids out and [\___\_]" - id: 1459 start: 3640.969 duration: 5.431 text: 12 position yeah and so yeah it's not - id: 1460 start: 3644.839 duration: 2.91 text: always that but Liana and I did it we - id: 1461 start: 3646.4 duration: 3.81 text: "did all them and it was [\___\_] awesome" - id: 1462 start: 3647.749 duration: 6.03 text: really it was this one position that uh - id: 1463 start: 3650.21 duration: 7.44 text: that she pulled up and it was so cool - id: 1464 start: 3653.779 duration: 5.58 text: imagine if imagine if you're sitting - id: 1465 start: 3657.65 duration: 4.469 text: she's sitting on my lap but her legs are - id: 1466 start: 3659.359 duration: 4.771 text: over to the side right mm-hmm now take - id: 1467 start: 3662.119 duration: 3.541 text: that position and just fall back on the - id: 1468 start: 3664.13 duration: 3.839 text: bed so her backs on the bed and you're - id: 1469 start: 3665.66 duration: 4.53 text: on your side and her legs are up over - id: 1470 start: 3667.969 duration: 5.79 text: your legs does that make sense yes yeah - id: 1471 start: 3670.19 duration: 5.909 text: I'm trying it was awesome it was awesome - id: 1472 start: 3673.759 duration: 4.02 text: but yeah I'm more bearing meat potatoes - id: 1473 start: 3676.099 duration: 4.291 text: I just want to have regular sex yeah - id: 1474 start: 3677.779 duration: 6.78 text: yeah I can see that he gained a guy or - id: 1475 start: 3680.39 duration: 10.679 text: no never done not with her once in camp - id: 1476 start: 3684.559 duration: 7.05 text: this guy nice guy or no no no I'd never - id: 1477 start: 3691.069 duration: 4.5 text: done anal - id: 1478 start: 3691.609 duration: 6.061 text: yeah really yeah I tried okay - id: 1479 start: 3695.569 duration: 6.27 text: so wait you booked this role you so I - id: 1480 start: 3697.67 duration: 6.24 text: booked this role and Chiklis is I think - id: 1481 start: 3701.839 duration: 5.64 text: Chiklis and this other guy are directing - id: 1482 start: 3703.91 duration: 6.179 text: this episode but Chiklis is on set so I - id: 1483 start: 3707.479 duration: 4.26 text: I read the breakdown and I add a scene - id: 1484 start: 3710.089 duration: 3.63 text: "and it's me watching my wife [\___\_] a" - id: 1485 start: 3711.739 duration: 4.05 text: black dude right and the black guy and - id: 1486 start: 3713.719 duration: 3.991 text: my wife were both in this house I see - id: 1487 start: 3715.789 duration: 3 text: them in the house and so I just got into - id: 1488 start: 3717.71 duration: 3.68 text: role and I started playing with my dick - id: 1489 start: 3718.789 duration: 6.781 text: like legit playing with my dick right - id: 1490 start: 3721.39 duration: 6.94 text: and they pull up and she gets outraged - id: 1491 start: 3725.57 duration: 4.35 text: lady yes this lady the real person she - id: 1492 start: 3728.33 duration: 4.11 text: calls cut because this is ridiculous - id: 1493 start: 3729.92 duration: 4.56 text: he's touching himself and in my head I'm - id: 1494 start: 3732.44 duration: 3.87 text: like I did I read this wrong I was like - id: 1495 start: 3734.48 duration: 2.85 text: I thought that it said to play I don't - id: 1496 start: 3736.31 duration: 2.76 text: "like oh my god I'm so [\___\_]" - id: 1497 start: 3737.33 duration: 3.36 text: embarrassed I've never acted in anything - id: 1498 start: 3739.07 duration: 3.12 text: before this is the first I ever acted in - id: 1499 start: 3740.69 duration: 5.01 text: this is when we were shooting hurt Bert - id: 1500 start: 3742.19 duration: 5.97 text: by the way so she was I'm not gonna work - id: 1501 start: 3745.7 duration: 5.64 text: with him and show she moves they split - id: 1502 start: 3748.16 duration: 4.74 text: us up and Michael Chiklis and this other - id: 1503 start: 3751.34 duration: 3.84 text: guy forget the other guy's name come up - id: 1504 start: 3752.9 duration: 5.1 text: to me and I go hey man I'm really sorry - id: 1505 start: 3755.18 duration: 4.11 text: I think I misread this I do it again I - id: 1506 start: 3758 duration: 5.13 text: don't have to touch myself he was like - id: 1507 start: 3759.29 duration: 6.18 text: no great choice I want really thank God - id: 1508 start: 3763.13 duration: 3.36 text: "her [\___\_] her it's a great choice that's" - id: 1509 start: 3765.47 duration: 1.83 text: definitely what we want is a matter of - id: 1510 start: 3766.49 duration: 2.79 text: fact what we're gonna do is we're gonna - id: 1511 start: 3767.3 duration: 3.18 text: hold her in position hey yeah and then - id: 1512 start: 3769.28 duration: 2.4 text: we're gonna close in on you were into - id: 1513 start: 3770.48 duration: 2.19 text: some tights when I move the camera round - id: 1514 start: 3771.68 duration: 3.45 text: but I want you to just play with - id: 1515 start: 3772.67 duration: 4.53 text: yourself I was like really yeah yeah - id: 1516 start: 3775.13 duration: 5.07 text: yeah go at it and then what and then - id: 1517 start: 3777.2 duration: 6.24 text: what I mean when I call her back the - id: 1518 start: 3780.2 duration: 5.16 text: second time to font-size yourself and - id: 1519 start: 3783.44 duration: 3.6 text: but we're gonna use you touch it's like - id: 1520 start: 3785.36 duration: 3.78 text: okay she goes all right all right hold - id: 1521 start: 3787.04 duration: 4.92 text: her its first position all right action - id: 1522 start: 3789.14 duration: 4.68 text: so I walk up this whole shot you see and - id: 1523 start: 3791.96 duration: 2.73 text: "I'm [\___\_] play with my dick I'm gonna" - id: 1524 start: 3793.82 duration: 2.31 text: play with my dick - id: 1525 start: 3794.69 duration: 2.73 text: and then my dick starts getting hard I'm - id: 1526 start: 3796.13 duration: 2.64 text: playing with my dick yeah and we're - id: 1527 start: 3797.42 duration: 3.09 text: going on for like five minutes I'm like - id: 1528 start: 3798.77 duration: 2.91 text: are they even filming or do you think - id: 1529 start: 3800.51 duration: 3.36 text: they're just sitting back they're gonna - id: 1530 start: 3801.68 duration: 5.04 text: watch this guy jagoff the Z becomes yeah - id: 1531 start: 3803.87 duration: 5.42 text: so then it finally goes all right cut I - id: 1532 start: 3806.72 duration: 5.22 text: ain't good I would have let you go yeah - id: 1533 start: 3809.29 duration: 4.6 text: so then a little more bird they pull - id: 1534 start: 3811.94 duration: 3.57 text: they pulled her up and then the scene I - id: 1535 start: 3813.89 duration: 3.93 text: did the scene without touching myself - id: 1536 start: 3815.51 duration: 5.46 text: but they use me touching myself and just - id: 1537 start: 3817.82 duration: 5.37 text: intercut them and then yeah and then I - id: 1538 start: 3820.97 duration: 3.75 text: walk around they arrest me put me in - id: 1539 start: 3823.19 duration: 4.62 text: cuffs had a panic attack in handcuffs - id: 1540 start: 3824.72 duration: 5.4 text: walked me the front door big black guy - id: 1541 start: 3827.81 duration: 3.84 text: comes out and I was like honey can you - id: 1542 start: 3830.12 duration: 4.95 text: just tell them what's going on and he's - id: 1543 start: 3831.65 duration: 4.71 text: like yeah dudes with her and then you - id: 1544 start: 3835.07 duration: 6.12 text: find out that I like to have black guys - id: 1545 start: 3836.36 duration: 6.33 text: "[\___\_] my wife yeah Wow" - id: 1546 start: 3841.19 duration: 4.14 text: I know that all you're gonna do is - id: 1547 start: 3842.69 duration: 6.68 text: intercuts my voice up I'd like to have - id: 1548 start: 3845.33 duration: 5.43 text: "black guys [\___\_] my wife and we'll use it" - id: 1549 start: 3849.37 duration: 5.86 text: thank you - id: 1550 start: 3850.76 duration: 8.99 text: audio recorded there online make sure - id: 1551 start: 3855.23 duration: 14.43 text: you mark that by the way okay - id: 1552 start: 3859.75 duration: 23.95 text: yeah we have this other footage yeah you - id: 1553 start: 3869.66 duration: 20.04 text: can watch it right now angus farm indeed - id: 1554 start: 3883.7 duration: 9 text: many tendinitis that's that's a good - id: 1555 start: 3889.7 duration: 8.25 text: from secret time it's uh yeah they're - id: 1556 start: 3892.7 duration: 6.6 text: doing an international good job man I - id: 1557 start: 3897.95 duration: 6.81 text: appreciate it man yeah thanks for - id: 1558 start: 3899.3 duration: 7.26 text: killing these beers do you have it in - id: 1559 start: 3904.76 duration: 3.72 text: your audience people do they do y'all - id: 1560 start: 3906.56 duration: 4.44 text: like Berta's fat when they see you or - id: 1561 start: 3908.48 duration: 4.05 text: they probably old Tom is that a yell tom - id: 1562 start: 3911 duration: 4.23 text: is that the old Thomas fat the old tour - id: 1563 start: 3912.53 duration: 4.47 text: bus champ a lot yeah the one the one I - id: 1564 start: 3915.23 duration: 4.05 text: mean I told you this I hate even bring - id: 1565 start: 3917 duration: 4.41 text: this up because I because obviously it's - id: 1566 start: 3919.28 duration: 5.88 text: this company great I've never settled - id: 1567 start: 3921.41 duration: 5.43 text: the buck but uh the very first date I - id: 1568 start: 3925.16 duration: 5.73 text: did after do in this podcast when this - id: 1569 start: 3926.84 duration: 6.86 text: is in Oxnard and some guy clear as - id: 1570 start: 3930.89 duration: 6.78 text: "[\___\_] day in the middle of my set goes" - id: 1571 start: 3933.7 duration: 6.31 text: tell your n-word joke late word and the - id: 1572 start: 3937.67 duration: 3.99 text: n-word he but he said he's had the real - id: 1573 start: 3940.01 duration: 5.16 text: word he said the real word and it was in - id: 1574 start: 3941.66 duration: 6.12 text: the cleanest white version of that use - id: 1575 start: 3945.17 duration: 5.25 text: of that word and then ruined the room it - id: 1576 start: 3947.78 duration: 5.58 text: "ruined the [\___\_] room and everyone was" - id: 1577 start: 3950.42 duration: 6.24 text: like oh and I was like listen I don't I - id: 1578 start: 3953.36 duration: 6.93 text: apologize I go listen I I understand - id: 1579 start: 3956.66 duration: 6.27 text: that you're a fan but I I'm not gonna - id: 1580 start: 3960.29 duration: 4.98 text: I'm not gonna do that and I just wish - id: 1581 start: 3962.93 duration: 3.99 text: you hadn't done that and it really reset - id: 1582 start: 3965.27 duration: 4.02 text: the room and I had to like win them back - id: 1583 start: 3966.92 duration: 4.14 text: "and it was like [\___\_] nightmare" - id: 1584 start: 3969.29 duration: 3.6 text: so I get on the show I'm doing the meet - id: 1585 start: 3971.06 duration: 4.38 text: and greet and this black guy comes up to - id: 1586 start: 3972.89 duration: 5.01 text: me and he goes you never told it I said - id: 1587 start: 3975.44 duration: 5.52 text: ah it was a black guy doing a white guy - id: 1588 start: 3977.9 duration: 4.53 text: "voice yeah [\___\_] and I was like you" - id: 1589 start: 3980.96 duration: 4.02 text: might why didn't you tell him when you - id: 1590 start: 3982.43 duration: 4.26 text: were black he goes I don't care cuz he's - id: 1591 start: 3984.98 duration: 4.349 text: black he's like Oh - id: 1592 start: 3986.69 duration: 4.71 text: "yeah but it was [\___\_] a [\___\_] rific" - id: 1593 start: 3989.329 duration: 3.27 text: that was the one that sucked the most - id: 1594 start: 3991.4 duration: 24.6 text: but mostly people yelled tour bus - id: 1595 start: 3992.599 duration: 25.111 text: campers fat Mickey Mantle gene dude how - id: 1596 start: 4016 duration: 7.14 text: about all this blackface showing up huh - id: 1597 start: 4017.71 duration: 7.409 text: yeah yeah there was there were yeah the - id: 1598 start: 4023.14 duration: 3.449 text: fashion stuff you're talking about oh no - id: 1599 start: 4025.119 duration: 4.141 text: "no I'm talking about all these [\___\_]" - id: 1600 start: 4026.589 duration: 5.551 text: like Halloween costumes yeah I like the - id: 1601 start: 4029.26 duration: 5.16 text: Virginia Governor how funny is I mean - id: 1602 start: 4032.14 duration: 5.1 text: "how [\___\_] comical is that the governor" - id: 1603 start: 4034.42 duration: 5.1 text: gets caught in blackface the next guy - id: 1604 start: 4037.24 duration: 3.75 text: raped some women and allegedly and then - id: 1605 start: 4039.52 duration: 6.72 text: the next guy goes actually I've been in - id: 1606 start: 4040.99 duration: 7.02 text: black Virginia you did you ever see - id: 1607 start: 4046.24 duration: 7.829 text: anyone a blackface in college and like - id: 1608 start: 4048.01 duration: 11.359 text: Florida or a nice no no our high school - id: 1609 start: 4054.069 duration: 8.221 text: cheerleading squad in like 1987 89 88 - id: 1610 start: 4059.369 duration: 5.891 text: came out to babies got back in all - id: 1611 start: 4062.29 duration: 4.86 text: blackface wigs and gold chains finally - id: 1612 start: 4065.26 duration: 2.97 text: there was a picture of it online there - id: 1613 start: 4067.15 duration: 2.55 text: was a picture over the line I actually - id: 1614 start: 4068.23 duration: 3.33 text: hit some of the chicks up was like hey - id: 1615 start: 4069.7 duration: 3.419 text: you guys worked with kids you might want - id: 1616 start: 4071.56 duration: 2.91 text: to get rid of that picture one girl I - id: 1617 start: 4073.119 duration: 3.631 text: bet there's a picture online tagged - id: 1618 start: 4074.47 duration: 3.69 text: herself she's like I love this thing no - id: 1619 start: 4076.75 duration: 3.51 text: there's one girl that works with - id: 1620 start: 4078.16 duration: 3.63 text: disabled kids that had a there was a - id: 1621 start: 4080.26 duration: 4.05 text: picture of me and her in college it was - id: 1622 start: 4081.79 duration: 6.51 text: this party I threw but she is in - id: 1623 start: 4084.31 duration: 6.42 text: straight blackface like like legit - id: 1624 start: 4088.3 duration: 4.559 text: blackface and I ran into her in San - id: 1625 start: 4090.73 duration: 3.9 text: Diego I was like hey you may want to - id: 1626 start: 4092.859 duration: 3.48 text: like scrub the Internet of that like - id: 1627 start: 4094.63 duration: 3.959 text: just pull it down she had posted it - id: 1628 start: 4096.339 duration: 4.591 text: herself and tagged me in it Oh - id: 1629 start: 4098.589 duration: 4.591 text: Livius to the idea that that I don't - id: 1630 start: 4100.93 duration: 5.19 text: think I was even aware of what blackface - id: 1631 start: 4103.18 duration: 5.55 text: yeah it wasn't a thing I'm trying to - id: 1632 start: 4106.12 duration: 5.4 text: think of like awareness it wasn't like I - id: 1633 start: 4108.73 duration: 5.339 text: don't think that people were I mean I - id: 1634 start: 4111.52 duration: 4.319 text: wasn't throwing around definitely in - id: 1635 start: 4114.069 duration: 3.69 text: high school but I if I had seen that - id: 1636 start: 4115.839 duration: 4.291 text: probably you know I mean I wasn't - id: 1637 start: 4117.759 duration: 4.92 text: noticed my attention as being - id: 1638 start: 4120.13 duration: 4.77 text: as crazy as if you notice it now oh I I - id: 1639 start: 4122.679 duration: 4.471 text: mean I don't I never even thought of it - id: 1640 start: 4124.9 duration: 3.839 text: to be on I mean I never done it but I - id: 1641 start: 4127.15 duration: 3.569 text: own still exactly like makeup on my face - id: 1642 start: 4128.739 duration: 4.35 text: like I'm not saying that I would ever I - id: 1643 start: 4130.719 duration: 3.781 text: wouldn't but I don't like makeup on my - id: 1644 start: 4133.089 duration: 3.121 text: face like clowns freak me out I don't - id: 1645 start: 4134.5 duration: 2.85 text: never put makeup on my face yeah that's - id: 1646 start: 4136.21 duration: 2.73 text: how I know I've never died know that I - id: 1647 start: 4137.35 duration: 6.11 text: did the talent show in fifth grade I did - id: 1648 start: 4138.94 duration: 8.64 text: young MC thing but I wore a dress - id: 1649 start: 4143.46 duration: 6.25 text: why do I dress forget I think I played - id: 1650 start: 4147.58 duration: 5.94 text: the girl that's in the story and best - id: 1651 start: 4149.71 duration: 5.79 text: move yeah yeah yeah so like act it out - id: 1652 start: 4153.52 duration: 7.35 text: we got it now that's a crime you were - id: 1653 start: 4155.5 duration: 7.529 text: mocking true I know they got out in the - id: 1654 start: 4160.87 duration: 3.63 text: Kevin Cranston Bryan Cranston because he - id: 1655 start: 4163.029 duration: 5.04 text: played a disabled person with the - id: 1656 start: 4164.5 duration: 5.37 text: neighbor it's insane where this is going - id: 1657 start: 4168.069 duration: 3.801 text: "I mean the Kevin Hart tried to [\___\_]" - id: 1658 start: 4169.87 duration: 4.53 text: give a shout out to Jesse Smollett and - id: 1659 start: 4171.87 duration: 4.539 text: it's time yeah here's what we're gonna - id: 1660 start: 4174.4 duration: 3.419 text: ask you well what do you think like if - id: 1661 start: 4176.409 duration: 4.14 text: you were orchestrating that hate crime - id: 1662 start: 4177.819 duration: 4.261 text: what do you think he did wrong oh I'll - id: 1663 start: 4180.549 duration: 3.331 text: tell you how would you how should he - id: 1664 start: 4182.08 duration: 4.259 text: have done it right he I can tell you all - id: 1665 start: 4183.88 duration: 3.959 text: the things all the signals that I picked - id: 1666 start: 4186.339 duration: 3.21 text: up on when I first read the story and I - id: 1667 start: 4187.839 duration: 3.121 text: went I'm not gonna say this out loud but - id: 1668 start: 4189.549 duration: 3.06 text: "this is [\___\_] yeah let's talk to an" - id: 1669 start: 4190.96 duration: 3.54 text: expert you can't you can't say this out - id: 1670 start: 4192.609 duration: 4.831 text: loud because you look like a person that - id: 1671 start: 4194.5 duration: 5.52 text: is promoting violence but I go hold on - id: 1672 start: 4197.44 duration: 7.11 text: one second to racist white guys - id: 1673 start: 4200.02 duration: 6.929 text: recognized you from Empire I at 2:00 in - id: 1674 start: 4204.55 duration: 3.45 text: the morning I watch it Empire like but I - id: 1675 start: 4206.949 duration: 2.431 text: wouldn't recognize you - id: 1676 start: 4208 duration: 3.75 text: I've watched Empire but I wouldn't - id: 1677 start: 4209.38 duration: 4.89 text: recognize you and two guys in mega has - id: 1678 start: 4211.75 duration: 4.56 text: like a you're that gay guy from Empire - id: 1679 start: 4214.27 duration: 3.9 text: that numbers gonna happen no one that's - id: 1680 start: 4216.31 duration: 2.88 text: a mega guys what is watching Empire - id: 1681 start: 4218.17 duration: 3 text: that's just doesn't that's not their - id: 1682 start: 4219.19 duration: 3.39 text: what they enjoy watching it's a good - id: 1683 start: 4221.17 duration: 3.63 text: point ever thought the noose was on his - id: 1684 start: 4222.58 duration: 3.809 text: neck for 45 minutes when the police when - id: 1685 start: 4224.8 duration: 3.27 text: the police talked to him who keeps a - id: 1686 start: 4226.389 duration: 3.451 text: "noose on their [\___\_] neck the cops" - id: 1687 start: 4228.07 duration: 3.27 text: came to his apartment to interview him - id: 1688 start: 4229.84 duration: 6.299 text: and he was still had it around his neck - id: 1689 start: 4231.34 duration: 7.74 text: and the bleach no one wants they're not - id: 1690 start: 4236.139 duration: 5.191 text: trying to get you lighter no one's like - id: 1691 start: 4239.08 duration: 4.74 text: hey we want you to be like us come on - id: 1692 start: 4241.33 duration: 4.23 text: man let's it let's help out what the - id: 1693 start: 4243.82 duration: 4.2 text: "[\___\_] it was we're saying you're saying" - id: 1694 start: 4245.56 duration: 4.56 text: that yeah like as a white person you - id: 1695 start: 4248.02 duration: 3.77 text: wouldn't want him to be whiter you - id: 1696 start: 4250.12 duration: 3.56 text: wouldn't be like yeah - id: 1697 start: 4251.79 duration: 3.81 text: if this bleach works then old stop in - id: 1698 start: 4253.68 duration: 3.36 text: the middle of this I'm so sorry there - id: 1699 start: 4255.6 duration: 3.33 text: was a lot of that that I just didn't I - id: 1700 start: 4257.04 duration: 4.29 text: "called I called [\___\_] in my head but" - id: 1701 start: 4258.93 duration: 4.59 text: then I'm also a cynic I'm and I'm also a - id: 1702 start: 4261.33 duration: 3.27 text: contrarian so like so like as soon as - id: 1703 start: 4263.52 duration: 3.72 text: that happened I that's what I thought - id: 1704 start: 4264.6 duration: 4.83 text: and then once I found out it was a lie I - id: 1705 start: 4267.24 duration: 5.25 text: then get empathetic for that kid I and - id: 1706 start: 4269.43 duration: 4.89 text: then I go like you feel badly afraid I - id: 1707 start: 4272.49 duration: 4.35 text: feel badly for him is that because I go - id: 1708 start: 4274.32 duration: 5.22 text: where's his brain at and and I don't - id: 1709 start: 4276.84 duration: 5.55 text: want that to be used as a lightning rod - id: 1710 start: 4279.54 duration: 4.89 text: to light up true mega racists yeah to go - id: 1711 start: 4282.39 duration: 4.83 text: this is why they're that or this is like - id: 1712 start: 4284.43 duration: 4.26 text: sigh so like I whenever whatever side is - id: 1713 start: 4287.22 duration: 3 text: though I'm always going to the opposite - id: 1714 start: 4288.69 duration: 3.96 text: side and trying to argue my the other - id: 1715 start: 4290.22 duration: 4.86 text: direction yeah but yeah I feel bad for - id: 1716 start: 4292.65 duration: 4.53 text: that kid I'm on his brain they thought - id: 1717 start: 4295.08 duration: 4.38 text: that would help him it's not good it's - id: 1718 start: 4297.18 duration: 4.62 text: not good for anyone no I know I felt the - id: 1719 start: 4299.46 duration: 3.99 text: same thing it's just it's nothing Goods - id: 1720 start: 4301.8 duration: 6.21 text: gonna come of that could be mental - id: 1721 start: 4303.45 duration: 13.71 text: illness I don't know no breathing yeah - id: 1722 start: 4308.01 duration: 12.33 text: you gotta breathe great your mom's house - id: 1723 start: 4317.16 duration: 5.82 text: challenge to what put stuff in your but - id: 1724 start: 4320.34 duration: 4.56 text: the it's a viral challenge they'll be - id: 1725 start: 4322.98 duration: 4.44 text: put out on Facebook much does it like - id: 1726 start: 4324.9 duration: 6.27 text: the ice bucket challenge right right and - id: 1727 start: 4327.42 duration: 5.34 text: it's yeah right it's a tight shot and - id: 1728 start: 4331.17 duration: 3.57 text: it's like hey guys my name is Bert - id: 1729 start: 4332.76 duration: 4.77 text: Kreischer it's ready for the it's ready - id: 1730 start: 4334.74 duration: 4.47 text: I'm ready for the plug challenge right - id: 1731 start: 4337.53 duration: 3.78 text: now you gotta try to guess am I putting - id: 1732 start: 4339.21 duration: 4.14 text: a butt plug in or am I not putting up up - id: 1733 start: 4341.31 duration: 4.94 text: again and it's just a shot on my eyes - id: 1734 start: 4343.35 duration: 2.9 text: and it's big one - id: 1735 start: 4348.17 duration: 5.92 text: and people have to guess it'd be really - id: 1736 start: 4351.63 duration: 4.26 text: if you didn't do it and then do you show - id: 1737 start: 4354.09 duration: 4.8 text: them and then you pull back and you - id: 1738 start: 4355.89 duration: 5.25 text: their pants on or you make would you do - id: 1739 start: 4358.89 duration: 4.02 text: a plug video yeah would you I did a I - id: 1740 start: 4361.14 duration: 3.87 text: would no but I tell you what I would do - id: 1741 start: 4362.91 duration: 3.51 text: a suppository video yeah have you ever - id: 1742 start: 4365.01 duration: 2.79 text: "put up a suppository in your [\___\_]" - id: 1743 start: 4366.42 duration: 2.91 text: I've had one put in but it's been alone - id: 1744 start: 4367.8 duration: 3.12 text: this is my impression of getting into - id: 1745 start: 4369.33 duration: 3.69 text: surprise this is my impression of a - id: 1746 start: 4370.92 duration: 4.86 text: "suppository getting put in your [\___\_]" - id: 1747 start: 4373.02 duration: 4.41 text: this is me as the suppository getting - id: 1748 start: 4375.78 duration: 5.15 text: "put in your [\___\_] okay ready again no" - id: 1749 start: 4377.43 duration: 7.8 text: no no no no I'll take it from here okay - id: 1750 start: 4380.93 duration: 4.3 text: '[Laughter]' - id: 1751 start: 4385.85 duration: 5.44 text: "a lock time because sometimes I [\___\_]" - id: 1752 start: 4389.16 duration: 4.55 text: "[\___\_] fire and so a suppository is what" - id: 1753 start: 4391.29 duration: 2.42 text: cools it down - id: 1754 start: 4394.07 duration: 5.14 text: eh I've done a very recently oh if I eat - id: 1755 start: 4397.71 duration: 2.88 text: "a lot of spicy stuff from my [\___\_]" - id: 1756 start: 4399.21 duration: 4.02 text: "[\___\_] burning I'll just show it" - id: 1757 start: 4400.59 duration: 4.16 text: Shaba preparation-h suppository up there - id: 1758 start: 4403.23 duration: 4.47 text: "Wow and that cools your [\___\_] off" - id: 1759 start: 4404.75 duration: 5.14 text: immediately feels good okay had other - id: 1760 start: 4407.7 duration: 4.17 text: stuff up your butt yes I deposit really - id: 1761 start: 4409.89 duration: 3.03 text: never never a toy come on - id: 1762 start: 4411.87 duration: 2.79 text: they're pretty toy what kind of toys - id: 1763 start: 4412.92 duration: 6.96 text: like a little car something oh no no I - id: 1764 start: 4414.66 duration: 6.87 text: think MIT's next way no no no no I've - id: 1765 start: 4419.88 duration: 2.58 text: never had any you'd never been pegged or - id: 1766 start: 4421.53 duration: 3.24 text: anything like that never been pegged - id: 1767 start: 4422.46 duration: 4.68 text: really to figure out my ass obviously - id: 1768 start: 4424.77 duration: 3.06 text: okay well yeah I mean who has another - id: 1769 start: 4427.14 duration: 2.58 text: finger in their eyes - id: 1770 start: 4427.83 duration: 5.28 text: well I mean how often I mean no like - id: 1771 start: 4429.72 duration: 4.62 text: college does last time yeah Leanne we'll - id: 1772 start: 4433.11 duration: 3.42 text: do it this is I'll actually do it this - id: 1773 start: 4434.34 duration: 6.27 text: is my impression of me and Leanne during - id: 1774 start: 4436.53 duration: 7.89 text: oral sex ready Oh Oh put your finger in - id: 1775 start: 4440.61 duration: 6.75 text: my ass what nothing she would not do - id: 1776 start: 4444.42 duration: 4.08 text: that now that's not because as soon as I - id: 1777 start: 4447.36 duration: 3.51 text: said that Leanne was just think are you - id: 1778 start: 4448.5 duration: 3.93 text: gay oh that's where the embrace no I'm - id: 1779 start: 4450.87 duration: 4.53 text: not putting fingers in your ass I'm your - id: 1780 start: 4452.43 duration: 4.74 text: wife I wouldn't put have mascara and - id: 1781 start: 4455.4 duration: 3.96 text: "have a guy put a [\___\_] at my finger" - id: 1782 start: 4457.17 duration: 5.67 text: no yeah well I don't know I mean I bet - id: 1783 start: 4459.36 duration: 6.83 text: your ass is it's dry any time I would - id: 1784 start: 4462.84 duration: 5.94 text: ever about it would be Kaleem doubt okay - id: 1785 start: 4466.19 duration: 3.55 text: "I don't have any [\___\_] hanging out my" - id: 1786 start: 4468.78 duration: 3.99 text: body that I'm not getting rid of - id: 1787 start: 4469.74 duration: 5.22 text: immediately yeah I don't know but your - id: 1788 start: 4472.77 duration: 3.39 text: ass seems real dicey to me if you had to - id: 1789 start: 4474.96 duration: 3.54 text: put your finger in one of our asses - id: 1790 start: 4476.16 duration: 4.069 text: who's that Tom I don't even ask the - id: 1791 start: 4478.5 duration: 6.749 text: question I mean oh yeah I guess - id: 1792 start: 4480.229 duration: 6.551 text: no no no just slightly a let's say I'm - id: 1793 start: 4485.249 duration: 3.75 text: not married to him no you guys just my - id: 1794 start: 4486.78 duration: 4.98 text: friends just knowing what I know about - id: 1795 start: 4488.999 duration: 6.27 text: both of your personal hygiene yeah his - id: 1796 start: 4491.76 duration: 6.989 text: is way better than yours no yeah you - id: 1797 start: 4495.269 duration: 9.93 text: have very very lacks lack idea of - id: 1798 start: 4498.749 duration: 8.46 text: personal hygiene I remember one time I - id: 1799 start: 4505.199 duration: 3.27 text: picked something out of my body or - id: 1800 start: 4507.209 duration: 3.06 text: something and I smelled it and Tom - id: 1801 start: 4508.469 duration: 4.26 text: because you would smell that I go I'm - id: 1802 start: 4510.269 duration: 4.89 text: sorry if you find an object on your body - id: 1803 start: 4512.729 duration: 4.651 text: your first thing isn't to smell it it's - id: 1804 start: 4515.159 duration: 5.61 text: a first thing I do if I hands like we're - id: 1805 start: 4517.38 duration: 4.589 text: you finding it between your toes first - id: 1806 start: 4520.769 duration: 3.511 text: thing I do it what's that - id: 1807 start: 4521.969 duration: 4.88 text: I don't smell between what No Oh Mike I - id: 1808 start: 4524.28 duration: 5.459 text: would investigate but I wouldn't smell - id: 1809 start: 4526.849 duration: 5.71 text: look at it i ball it yeah why don't you - id: 1810 start: 4529.739 duration: 4.561 text: smell that Willie okay say belly button - id: 1811 start: 4532.559 duration: 3.87 text: lint I will hide your gear you don't rub - id: 1812 start: 4534.3 duration: 9.21 text: your finger behind your and smell no why - id: 1813 start: 4536.429 duration: 9.06 text: would you do it try it to use your smell - id: 1814 start: 4543.51 duration: 4.049 text: get behind my ears do right now I'll see - id: 1815 start: 4545.489 duration: 4.23 text: your nasty cuz you're wearing headsets - id: 1816 start: 4547.559 duration: 5.58 text: no it's because you're nasty no it's not - id: 1817 start: 4549.719 duration: 6.45 text: cuz I'm nasty I'm younger than 90 Lee - id: 1818 start: 4553.139 duration: 5.52 text: Ann told us remember when you used to - id: 1819 start: 4556.169 duration: 3.87 text: live on up six tree down tree from us up - id: 1820 start: 4558.659 duration: 4.08 text: the street whatever that you used to - id: 1821 start: 4560.039 duration: 4.41 text: clip your toenails and then you collect - id: 1822 start: 4562.739 duration: 3.661 text: them on a piece of scotch tape and then - id: 1823 start: 4564.449 duration: 4.561 text: you tape it under a coffee to the coffee - id: 1824 start: 4566.4 duration: 6.089 text: table which is so nasty - id: 1825 start: 4569.01 duration: 8.339 text: that's nasty why is it it's why is I - id: 1826 start: 4572.489 duration: 6.57 text: don't know a so nasty if you had to - id: 1827 start: 4577.349 duration: 4.5 text: smell balls right now - id: 1828 start: 4579.059 duration: 8.25 text: oh you think smell better minor tom-toms - id: 1829 start: 4581.849 duration: 8.85 text: that wasn't time mine Potter my always - id: 1830 start: 4587.309 duration: 5.19 text: bet at your balls smell horrendous and - id: 1831 start: 4590.699 duration: 3.99 text: here's why I'm gonna tell you why you - id: 1832 start: 4592.499 duration: 3.841 text: don't wear underwear yeah and your jeans - id: 1833 start: 4594.689 duration: 4.48 text: are not clean you wear the same jeans - id: 1834 start: 4596.34 duration: 5.259 text: every time I see - id: 1835 start: 4599.169 duration: 4.111 text: and their cellphones like you usually - id: 1836 start: 4601.599 duration: 5.61 text: think of like hey this guy drinks like - id: 1837 start: 4603.28 duration: 4.439 text: eight 1590 bottles a day like between - id: 1838 start: 4607.209 duration: 2.671 text: his legs - id: 1839 start: 4607.719 duration: 4.98 text: wait stinky you really think you're - id: 1840 start: 4609.88 duration: 5.309 text: beautiful smell good right now right now - id: 1841 start: 4612.699 duration: 4.29 text: right now I don't know they smell good - id: 1842 start: 4615.189 duration: 3.841 text: right now I don't I don't think they're - id: 1843 start: 4616.989 duration: 3.871 text: quite at that sour state you showered - id: 1844 start: 4619.03 duration: 3.209 text: last night showered this morning - id: 1845 start: 4620.86 duration: 3.839 text: yeah but yes I'm saying you're naturally - id: 1846 start: 4622.239 duration: 4.53 text: stinky yeah I think guys well my balls - id: 1847 start: 4624.699 duration: 3.72 text: right now are ripe I can tell because - id: 1848 start: 4626.769 duration: 6.091 text: they're all in these genes and these - id: 1849 start: 4628.419 duration: 7.02 text: genes are a little over three three - id: 1850 start: 4632.86 duration: 4.739 text: weeks old yeah I knew it is that that's - id: 1851 start: 4635.439 duration: 4.08 text: how long you go between washing your - id: 1852 start: 4637.599 duration: 3.36 text: jeans yeah I've actually had a pair of - id: 1853 start: 4639.519 duration: 3.6 text: jeans at one time I was flying back from - id: 1854 start: 4640.959 duration: 4.71 text: South Africa and I was on the plane I - id: 1855 start: 4643.119 duration: 4.5 text: want I think my jeans smell yeah I could - id: 1856 start: 4645.669 duration: 3.78 text: smell my jeans and then I washed them - id: 1857 start: 4647.619 duration: 4.53 text: and I was like oh they're not that color - id: 1858 start: 4649.449 duration: 5.25 text: for real Oh old of these yeah yeah I - id: 1859 start: 4652.149 duration: 4.111 text: think LeAnn is just really accepting of - id: 1860 start: 4654.699 duration: 3.181 text: the fact that you're disgusting - id: 1861 start: 4656.26 duration: 4.62 text: my teeth my teeth are good right now - id: 1862 start: 4657.88 duration: 5.009 text: brushed they're good because i know i - id: 1863 start: 4660.88 duration: 4.079 text: don't i flossed old i'm gonna floss - id: 1864 start: 4662.889 duration: 3.871 text: aggressively but more importantly i - id: 1865 start: 4664.959 duration: 5.1 text: Waterpik every day that's pretty good - id: 1866 start: 4666.76 duration: 5.37 text: that's good do you brush why not because - id: 1867 start: 4670.059 duration: 3.27 text: I know I already know I already know one - id: 1868 start: 4672.13 duration: 2.19 text: time you go you would be and you were - id: 1869 start: 4673.329 duration: 3.06 text: talking you go hey why don't you get - id: 1870 start: 4674.32 duration: 2.429 text: your teeth fixed what you go you have - id: 1871 start: 4676.389 duration: 3.21 text: money - id: 1872 start: 4676.749 duration: 4.89 text: just get your teeth whitened wait you - id: 1873 start: 4679.599 duration: 3.991 text: have one brown one I have to do this - id: 1874 start: 4681.639 duration: 4.681 text: about the top though thank you look good - id: 1875 start: 4683.59 duration: 4.949 text: no they're okay no your teeth are good - id: 1876 start: 4686.32 duration: 5.279 text: Burt I bet your beard smells like clean - id: 1877 start: 4688.539 duration: 6.35 text: it smells like balls often yeah cuz I - id: 1878 start: 4691.599 duration: 3.29 text: play with my balls and then I play my - id: 1879 start: 4695.309 duration: 3.52 text: piano because I mean go have you been - id: 1880 start: 4697.479 duration: 2.97 text: playing with your dick today and I go - id: 1881 start: 4698.829 duration: 4.35 text: why he goes your face smells like balls - id: 1882 start: 4700.449 duration: 4.92 text: yeah one time you guide you're so gross - id: 1883 start: 4703.179 duration: 4.641 text: one time you go I was on the phone with - id: 1884 start: 4705.369 duration: 5.85 text: you and you're at home you're like hey - id: 1885 start: 4707.82 duration: 4.659 text: my finger smells real bad I was like wow - id: 1886 start: 4711.219 duration: 3.45 text: "you're like it smells like [\___\_]" - id: 1887 start: 4712.479 duration: 4.83 text: and I go what you touch and you're like - id: 1888 start: 4714.669 duration: 5.671 text: I don't know and then you're like oh - id: 1889 start: 4717.309 duration: 4.23 text: yeah just got upset and I go wait me you - id: 1890 start: 4720.34 duration: 2.19 text: don't know why your finger smells like - id: 1891 start: 4721.539 duration: 3.45 text: "[\___\_] you go uh-huh" - id: 1892 start: 4722.53 duration: 5.31 text: "I go were you toying with your [\___\_]" - id: 1893 start: 4724.989 duration: 4.021 text: and you go oh wow yeah yeah you don't - id: 1894 start: 4727.84 duration: 2.78 text: "hold on you don't play with your [\___\_]" - id: 1895 start: 4729.01 duration: 5.06 text: sometimes in bed - id: 1896 start: 4730.62 duration: 6.27 text: "what the [\___\_] bro here let me tell you" - id: 1897 start: 4734.07 duration: 9.21 text: "what I do do I don't pilot my [\___\_]" - id: 1898 start: 4736.89 duration: 8.28 text: and ride off no here's what I know I - id: 1899 start: 4743.28 duration: 3.42 text: don't like but stuff I'm not into but - id: 1900 start: 4745.17 duration: 3.51 text: never had a finger in your butt I've had - id: 1901 start: 4746.7 duration: 3.42 text: a finger in my butt I don't like I'm not - id: 1902 start: 4748.68 duration: 4.74 text: it makes me feel like I have to brown - id: 1903 start: 4750.12 duration: 10.02 text: and I don't like it these guys are Lewis - id: 1904 start: 4753.42 duration: 8.31 text: and Clark who's I can ask you though you - id: 1905 start: 4760.14 duration: 3.9 text: put me I haven't had one in mind in a - id: 1906 start: 4761.73 duration: 3.99 text: long time that's not happen I'm afraid - id: 1907 start: 4764.04 duration: 3.51 text: "of getting [\___\_] on my fingers that's" - id: 1908 start: 4765.72 duration: 4.77 text: what happened I don't oh sorry I don't - id: 1909 start: 4767.55 duration: 5.61 text: bear scratch my B hole with my hands I - id: 1910 start: 4770.49 duration: 4.41 text: don't bear scratch my armpits I do it - id: 1911 start: 4773.16 duration: 4.05 text: over the clock I'll do it over - id: 1912 start: 4774.9 duration: 4.23 text: everywhere I don't do that then I'll - id: 1913 start: 4777.21 duration: 3.75 text: just change my clothes I'll just take - id: 1914 start: 4779.13 duration: 3.9 text: off the underwear I take off the shirt I - id: 1915 start: 4780.96 duration: 6.63 text: usually oh my G that's with toilet paper - id: 1916 start: 4783.03 duration: 9.63 text: yeah I will if we're being a hundred - id: 1917 start: 4787.59 duration: 8.31 text: percent honest be honest I'll do an - id: 1918 start: 4792.66 duration: 6.51 text: "investigatory yeah it to the [\___\_] and" - id: 1919 start: 4795.9 duration: 4.95 text: if it's super wet yeah I'll go we need - id: 1920 start: 4799.17 duration: 4.61 text: to we need to involve some toilet paper - id: 1921 start: 4800.85 duration: 5.34 text: in this one what they're not always go I - id: 1922 start: 4803.78 duration: 4.36 text: smell every part of my body there's not - id: 1923 start: 4806.19 duration: 7.71 text: one part of my body I don't smell this - id: 1924 start: 4808.14 duration: 8.61 text: is wretched I have a pimple on my lip - id: 1925 start: 4813.9 duration: 5.22 text: "okay good thing guys spot Gore [\___\_]" - id: 1926 start: 4816.75 duration: 5.61 text: hardcore by the way the hardcore fun - id: 1927 start: 4819.12 duration: 5.93 text: shirt is now in our store it's at your - id: 1928 start: 4822.36 duration: 5.85 text: mom's house new item exclusive go to Tom - id: 1929 start: 4825.05 duration: 4.51 text: Segura or emerge Metacom slash Tom - id: 1930 start: 4828.21 duration: 3.93 text: Segura I don't think I don't know if - id: 1931 start: 4829.56 duration: 5.61 text: it'll be up as a the recording of this - id: 1932 start: 4832.14 duration: 5.84 text: but there's the new bike stuff there's - id: 1933 start: 4835.17 duration: 5.43 text: the new mousepad there's going to be a - id: 1934 start: 4837.98 duration: 4.66 text: special water idea I always see you - id: 1935 start: 4840.6 duration: 4.14 text: variously yes and the writer guy tour - id: 1936 start: 4842.64 duration: 3.12 text: t-shirt is on sale too at this website - id: 1937 start: 4844.74 duration: 3.87 text: tom scarda - id: 1938 start: 4845.76 duration: 4.95 text: I like nice work I like the tour poster - id: 1939 start: 4848.61 duration: 4.14 text: I saw for the rider tour it's really - id: 1940 start: 4850.71 duration: 4.38 text: cool thank you they also had the the - id: 1941 start: 4852.75 duration: 5.73 text: overstock from the the last tour that I - id: 1942 start: 4855.09 duration: 5.4 text: did the tour bus champ without taking a - id: 1943 start: 4858.48 duration: 4.71 text: "[\___\_] in the corner that'll also be in" - id: 1944 start: 4860.49 duration: 3.84 text: stores would so there's a poster that - id: 1945 start: 4863.19 duration: 2.85 text: this designer made he - id: 1946 start: 4864.33 duration: 3.66 text: he's awesome he listens to the show and - id: 1947 start: 4866.04 duration: 4.32 text: he designs posters for me he'll just - id: 1948 start: 4867.99 duration: 4.38 text: come up with things and he put this one - id: 1949 start: 4870.36 duration: 3.96 text: tour bus champ was the theme yeah he - id: 1950 start: 4872.37 duration: 3.93 text: puts the location and all this you know - id: 1951 start: 4874.32 duration: 4.34 text: me on it and then right behind the bus - id: 1952 start: 4876.3 duration: 4.92 text: "you were squatting taking a [\___\_] and" - id: 1953 start: 4878.66 duration: 8.53 text: that was like the people loved it - id: 1954 start: 4881.22 duration: 10.65 text: they're like hey there's no binders yeah - id: 1955 start: 4887.19 duration: 8.57 text: all right is it moist no it's my I'm I - id: 1956 start: 4891.87 duration: 6.81 text: shower about yours I shower Burt I - id: 1957 start: 4895.76 duration: 4.21 text: shower every day are you talking about - id: 1958 start: 4898.68 duration: 3.3 text: it's also the one that turned me on to - id: 1959 start: 4899.97 duration: 3.12 text: that that's disgust if you were heads if - id: 1960 start: 4901.98 duration: 3.75 text: you don't like if you didn't shower and - id: 1961 start: 4903.09 duration: 4.35 text: you and you put on headsets yeah why - id: 1962 start: 4905.73 duration: 3.6 text: you'd be sweating there right these - id: 1963 start: 4907.44 duration: 3.57 text: headsets have a cloth and maybe they - id: 1964 start: 4909.33 duration: 6.57 text: don't make you know what I mean they're - id: 1965 start: 4911.01 duration: 7.1 text: not like sweaty oh really - id: 1966 start: 4915.9 duration: 3.57 text: Greg Fitzsimmons was there before you - id: 1967 start: 4918.11 duration: 5.95 text: yeah - id: 1968 start: 4919.47 duration: 5.88 text: have you seen a blood wave the trailer - id: 1969 start: 4924.06 duration: 4.77 text: for blood wave know what's what the - id: 1970 start: 4925.35 duration: 6.54 text: Netflix doc No oh my god this is me play - id: 1971 start: 4928.83 duration: 9.18 text: it yes turn it up turn it up this is - id: 1972 start: 4931.89 duration: 8.66 text: pretty cool check this out there was a - id: 1973 start: 4938.01 duration: 6.06 text: sudden string of violent hate crimes - id: 1974 start: 4940.55 duration: 5.26 text: across America several high-profile - id: 1975 start: 4944.07 duration: 4.26 text: violent crimes have gripped the nation - id: 1976 start: 4945.81 duration: 6.03 text: these past few months around the same - id: 1977 start: 4948.33 duration: 6.43 text: time a known fat and racist comedian - id: 1978 start: 4951.84 duration: 5.14 text: that went on tour and a similar pattern - id: 1979 start: 4954.76 duration: 4.5 text: I just want to show you what a real tour - id: 1980 start: 4956.98 duration: 4.53 text: best champ does to hold down the title - id: 1981 start: 4959.26 duration: 4.47 text: from the shooting deaths of two African - id: 1982 start: 4961.51 duration: 4.17 text: Americans at a Kentucky supermarket to - id: 1983 start: 4963.73 duration: 5.48 text: the killing of 11 worshippers at a - id: 1984 start: 4965.68 duration: 6.69 text: Pittsburgh synagogue this documentary - id: 1985 start: 4969.21 duration: 5.41 text: relation between boot crusher at Bay's - id: 1986 start: 4972.37 duration: 4.44 text: hate Grimes firm Charlotte Atlanta - id: 1987 start: 4974.62 duration: 5.04 text: Georgia is one of only five states - id: 1988 start: 4976.81 duration: 4.95 text: without a hate crime law right now I'm - id: 1989 start: 4979.66 duration: 4.73 text: at the Hard Rock Live in Orlando we're - id: 1990 start: 4981.76 duration: 6.84 text: seeing is that the bulk of these crimes - id: 1991 start: 4984.39 duration: 6.4 text: are aimed at immigrants and Muslims a - id: 1992 start: 4988.6 duration: 3.9 text: man is still in jail tonight charged - id: 1993 start: 4990.79 duration: 3.449 text: with a hate crime after police say he - id: 1994 start: 4992.5 duration: 6.989 text: threatened to kill a woman in downtown - id: 1995 start: 4994.239 duration: 6.541 text: Portland when Bert Kreischer stuffed a - id: 1996 start: 4999.489 duration: 7.411 text: big hate-crimes - id: 1997 start: 5000.78 duration: 8.62 text: a Netflix done so around 20 19 it's - id: 1998 start: 5006.9 duration: 8.26 text: great work that's gotta be - id: 1999 start: 5009.4 duration: 7.68 text: connected with them yeah you know it's - id: 2000 start: 5015.16 duration: 4.53 text: gonna become it's like it's gonna become - id: 2001 start: 5017.08 duration: 4.74 text: real news it's so point - id: 2002 start: 5019.69 duration: 4.5 text: "oh this out of context is gonna [\___\_]" - id: 2003 start: 5021.82 duration: 3.12 text: somebody up Oh out of context they will - id: 2004 start: 5024.19 duration: 2.94 text: believe it - id: 2005 start: 5024.94 duration: 3.66 text: we're gonna we're gonna drop these like - id: 2006 start: 5027.13 duration: 3.03 text: kind of everywhere you know I was like - id: 2007 start: 5028.6 duration: 3.06 text: that remember though there was a person - id: 2008 start: 5030.16 duration: 4.29 text: I was responsible for the synagogue - id: 2009 start: 5031.66 duration: 3.38 text: shootings someone said that yeah I sent - id: 2010 start: 5034.45 duration: 2.97 text: it to you - id: 2011 start: 5035.04 duration: 4.57 text: really long story I'm not getting into - id: 2012 start: 5037.42 duration: 4.22 text: it yeah somebody tweeted you that not - id: 2013 start: 5039.61 duration: 4.17 text: "don't let it change the [\___\_] subject" - id: 2014 start: 5041.64 duration: 3.52 text: someone genuinely wrote an article - id: 2015 start: 5043.78 duration: 3.12 text: saying I was responsible for those - id: 2016 start: 5045.16 duration: 4.47 text: "synagogue [\___\_] okay let's change the" - id: 2017 start: 5046.9 duration: 5.1 text: said I burped how often do you shower - id: 2018 start: 5049.63 duration: 4.2 text: freely in every day every day - id: 2019 start: 5052 duration: 3.9 text: so every day yeah so this is the type of - id: 2020 start: 5053.83 duration: 6.15 text: guy again yeah yeah - id: 2021 start: 5055.9 duration: 8.28 text: I saw every day so we're talking about - id: 2022 start: 5059.98 duration: 10.08 text: these guys right Tom are you right Bert - id: 2023 start: 5064.18 duration: 14.25 text: is where Bridget Bridget they're way way - id: 2024 start: 5070.06 duration: 11.25 text: and rightwise slow right and so we can - id: 2025 start: 5078.43 duration: 6.36 text: say that Bert is in what place is - id: 2026 start: 5081.31 duration: 7.19 text: universe place second place he's in - id: 2027 start: 5084.79 duration: 5.82 text: fourth row right Bert's in fourth place - id: 2028 start: 5088.5 duration: 5.38 text: right so birds in fourth - id: 2029 start: 5090.61 duration: 5.55 text: okay this is crazy yes I've never seen - id: 2030 start: 5093.88 duration: 4.29 text: this yeah people are still learning - id: 2031 start: 5096.16 duration: 6.03 text: about math and stuff like that based on - id: 2032 start: 5098.17 duration: 7.35 text: how fat burden by the way whoever just - id: 2033 start: 5102.19 duration: 8.46 text: "said that what are your [\___\_] laugh" - id: 2034 start: 5105.52 duration: 6.84 text: tracks back there no people sent that in - id: 2035 start: 5110.65 duration: 3.18 text: a long time ago but apparently I've - id: 2036 start: 5112.36 duration: 5.28 text: never seen this they're still sending no - id: 2037 start: 5113.83 duration: 5.73 text: this one's new okay oh cool super - id: 2038 start: 5117.64 duration: 3.18 text: excited keep playing the rest of it turn - id: 2039 start: 5119.56 duration: 2.49 text: up my volume in my head sighs I'm not - id: 2040 start: 5120.82 duration: 7.65 text: hearing it clear enough so remind me - id: 2041 start: 5122.05 duration: 11.24 text: again whose first place Joe and then - id: 2042 start: 5128.47 duration: 4.82 text: second are you second - id: 2043 start: 5140.19 duration: 4.929 text: it's laughing I don't know I think they - id: 2044 start: 5142.9 duration: 4.77 text: like your name I big kids like your name - id: 2045 start: 5145.119 duration: 5.221 text: yeah it's a fun name of a great man you - id: 2046 start: 5147.67 duration: 4.08 text: don't hear it a lot either no like Bert - id: 2047 start: 5150.34 duration: 2.969 text: and Ernie so is that some teacher that's - id: 2048 start: 5151.75 duration: 3.27 text: just basically talking about the weight - id: 2049 start: 5153.309 duration: 4.02 text: loss challenge it's a teacher who's - id: 2050 start: 5155.02 duration: 4.769 text: usually we get like English as a second - id: 2051 start: 5157.329 duration: 3.691 text: language teachers and like when they're - id: 2052 start: 5159.789 duration: 3.06 text: just trying to come up with sentences - id: 2053 start: 5161.02 duration: 3.9 text: they'll just you know they'll throw in - id: 2054 start: 5162.849 duration: 3.631 text: something like and then what happens if - id: 2055 start: 5164.92 duration: 6 text: you eat too much and then the kids go - id: 2056 start: 5166.48 duration: 7.409 text: you get like Bert like that I don't know - id: 2057 start: 5170.92 duration: 7.56 text: they just send it in I'm starting to - id: 2058 start: 5173.889 duration: 5.85 text: understand this fake news thing there's - id: 2059 start: 5178.48 duration: 3.69 text: people that come up to me after these - id: 2060 start: 5179.739 duration: 4.351 text: shows that are massively overweight okay - id: 2061 start: 5182.17 duration: 6.029 text: "you fat [\___\_] yeah and you're like any" - id: 2062 start: 5184.09 duration: 7.049 text: like you're fatter than I am like I get - id: 2063 start: 5188.199 duration: 5.971 text: that when they're like when it actually - id: 2064 start: 5191.139 duration: 5.46 text: the only person who will say something - id: 2065 start: 5194.17 duration: 5.04 text: to you like to my face yeah we'll be - id: 2066 start: 5196.599 duration: 5.31 text: like a really fat guy oh yeah or the - id: 2067 start: 5199.21 duration: 5.429 text: most abusive fat comment you're like - id: 2068 start: 5201.909 duration: 4.44 text: who's this guy I'll be like 380 he's - id: 2069 start: 5204.639 duration: 5.67 text: "like hey you fat [\___\_] I blocked someone" - id: 2070 start: 5206.349 duration: 6.361 text: today you did yeah I don't mind iiiiii I - id: 2071 start: 5210.309 duration: 4.77 text: get I can I have this probably the - id: 2072 start: 5212.71 duration: 4.32 text: thicker skin out of most of the comics - id: 2073 start: 5215.079 duration: 3.361 text: out there I get I can take a joke and - id: 2074 start: 5217.03 duration: 3.24 text: I'm fine with it and I get I can - id: 2075 start: 5218.44 duration: 3.299 text: understand an attempt at a joke to fall - id: 2076 start: 5220.27 duration: 3.78 text: short I understand that it's they're not - id: 2077 start: 5221.739 duration: 3.42 text: bros at it I've fallen short but - id: 2078 start: 5224.05 duration: 1.89 text: sometimes you give guys would just say - id: 2079 start: 5225.159 duration: 3.091 text: "mean [\___\_]" - id: 2080 start: 5225.94 duration: 3.509 text: yeah and I'll take it if you like I mean - id: 2081 start: 5228.25 duration: 2.639 text: I'll be like you know if the guy follows - id: 2082 start: 5229.449 duration: 2.61 text: me I know he's trying to be funny if you - id: 2083 start: 5230.889 duration: 2.341 text: don't follow me I'm like sorry man - id: 2084 start: 5232.059 duration: 1.68 text: "that's not how it works you get [\___\_]" - id: 2085 start: 5233.23 duration: 3.9 text: blocked - id: 2086 start: 5233.739 duration: 4.771 text: ya get suck a dick or if like I block - id: 2087 start: 5237.13 duration: 2.73 text: people because they said way too much - id: 2088 start: 5238.51 duration: 3.419 text: "mean [\___\_] about you and I'm like oh no" - id: 2089 start: 5239.86 duration: 4.35 text: he's my friend and I like him more than - id: 2090 start: 5241.929 duration: 4.741 text: I like you now I'm blocking you I've got - id: 2091 start: 5244.21 duration: 4.349 text: a lot of people on Instagram for the - id: 2092 start: 5246.67 duration: 3.029 text: comment oh I've blocked a lot of people - id: 2093 start: 5248.559 duration: 3.151 text: on Instagram we just get all my thing - id: 2094 start: 5249.699 duration: 3.451 text: and start fights with people and just - id: 2095 start: 5251.71 duration: 3 text: but they're trying to do like an inside - id: 2096 start: 5253.15 duration: 3.63 text: joke but they're legit starting fights I - id: 2097 start: 5254.71 duration: 3.48 text: just go man you can't play anymore yeah - id: 2098 start: 5256.78 duration: 3.029 text: you got to understand the nuance of it - id: 2099 start: 5258.19 duration: 3.659 text: you got to get have a sense of humor - id: 2100 start: 5259.809 duration: 3.27 text: about it at least yeah I agree I don't - id: 2101 start: 5261.849 duration: 3.21 text: like I don't like the super abusive - id: 2102 start: 5263.079 duration: 3.841 text: stuff yeah like her if I post a picture - id: 2103 start: 5265.059 duration: 4.02 text: of my family and they go - id: 2104 start: 5266.92 duration: 6.75 text: "they say like really horrible [\___\_] about" - id: 2105 start: 5269.079 duration: 7.08 text: like whatever I'm just like yeah you're - id: 2106 start: 5273.67 duration: 3.96 text: not gonna play yeah but and I think - id: 2107 start: 5276.159 duration: 3.03 text: that's the right we have is to say hey - id: 2108 start: 5277.63 duration: 2.819 text: I'm not gonna put I remember when when - id: 2109 start: 5279.189 duration: 3.27 text: we did first to the fat shaming at the - id: 2110 start: 5280.449 duration: 3.661 text: very beginning there were people that - id: 2111 start: 5282.459 duration: 3 text: did not wood weren't in on the joke they - id: 2112 start: 5284.11 duration: 2.849 text: weren't getting it at first yeah and - id: 2113 start: 5285.459 duration: 2.97 text: "they were picking sides for real [\___\_]" - id: 2114 start: 5286.959 duration: 2.73 text: "Bert I [\___\_] hate that guy" - id: 2115 start: 5288.429 duration: 2.491 text: he laughs at his own jokes he's a - id: 2116 start: 5289.689 duration: 2.97 text: "[\___\_] fat for he's nothing you don't" - id: 2117 start: 5290.92 duration: 3.179 text: "have a Netflix special little [\___\_] is he" - id: 2118 start: 5292.659 duration: 2.88 text: anyway he's just some guy from tribal - id: 2119 start: 5294.099 duration: 3.301 text: channeling you I remember you going like - id: 2120 start: 5295.539 duration: 3.39 text: "oh he's blocked in your [\___\_] self" - id: 2121 start: 5297.4 duration: 3 text: yeah no I don't I don't like the really - id: 2122 start: 5298.929 duration: 3.54 text: mean stuff I thought there's like a - id: 2123 start: 5300.4 duration: 10.92 text: circle of people that we kind of like - id: 2124 start: 5302.469 duration: 15 text: Bert's not racist guys oh yeah we put - id: 2125 start: 5311.32 duration: 8.899 text: him in World War 2 footage I didn't - id: 2126 start: 5317.469 duration: 13.201 text: think I'd have to say that's not real - id: 2127 start: 5320.219 duration: 12.791 text: Bert's not a Nazi do you realize that - id: 2128 start: 5330.67 duration: 4.619 text: that was an off-the-cuff comment though - id: 2129 start: 5333.01 duration: 4.199 text: this started it you were just sitting - id: 2130 start: 5335.289 duration: 4.5 text: down we were promoting it was a first - id: 2131 start: 5337.209 duration: 4.591 text: time it was like here's the fattest and - id: 2132 start: 5339.789 duration: 6.031 text: and we just paused like what's another - id: 2133 start: 5341.8 duration: 6.569 text: bad thing to say super on apology regs - id: 2134 start: 5345.82 duration: 4.379 text: the racist guy and like that was it yeah - id: 2135 start: 5348.369 duration: 3.75 text: beginning of it we got to get a new - id: 2136 start: 5350.199 duration: 4.23 text: thing going what do you want to be the - id: 2137 start: 5352.119 duration: 5.911 text: best looking comedy and comedy guy with - id: 2138 start: 5354.429 duration: 8.3 text: the biggest dick smelliest balls no I - id: 2139 start: 5358.03 duration: 7.739 text: don't mind that grossest poor hygiene - id: 2140 start: 5362.729 duration: 5.87 text: link brighter more exciting let's say - id: 2141 start: 5365.769 duration: 7.541 text: stage presence - id: 2142 start: 5368.599 duration: 6.06 text: charged with rape but never too late - id: 2143 start: 5373.31 duration: 3.63 text: someone's already done that are they - id: 2144 start: 5374.659 duration: 5.011 text: "dead yeah some [\___\_] guy used to be my" - id: 2145 start: 5376.94 duration: 4.92 text: friend did that what yeah yeah I'm gonna - id: 2146 start: 5379.67 duration: 6.42 text: face me all right this is poor by the - id: 2147 start: 5381.86 duration: 6.54 text: way you maniac yeah so your tour is a - id: 2148 start: 5386.09 duration: 3.509 text: huge success probably bigger than you - id: 2149 start: 5388.4 duration: 3.449 text: ever thought it would be bigger than - id: 2150 start: 5389.599 duration: 4.5 text: ever thought of you and everywhere - id: 2151 start: 5391.849 duration: 5.191 text: "you're adding shows you [\___\_] touring" - id: 2152 start: 5394.099 duration: 5.25 text: every week like a psycho yeah when so - id: 2153 start: 5397.04 duration: 4.86 text: when are you uh what's what's the next - id: 2154 start: 5399.349 duration: 4.441 text: stops were you that you want people to - id: 2155 start: 5401.9 duration: 5.239 text: come to where you gonna be I know you - id: 2156 start: 5403.79 duration: 5.19 text: have everything but I think no I think I - id: 2157 start: 5407.139 duration: 3.161 text: everything's sold but you know there's - id: 2158 start: 5408.98 duration: 3.33 text: always like single tickets there's - id: 2159 start: 5410.3 duration: 3.18 text: always available tickets so like on on - id: 2160 start: 5412.31 duration: 4.17 text: their second shows there's always like - id: 2161 start: 5413.48 duration: 6.599 text: you know like a 2 packet somewhere um - id: 2162 start: 5416.48 duration: 6.679 text: I'm in New Orleans this week Austin - id: 2163 start: 5420.079 duration: 6.721 text: Dallas and then and then I do like - id: 2164 start: 5423.159 duration: 5.321 text: Jersey Philly DC and then that run of - id: 2165 start: 5426.8 duration: 3.39 text: the middle middle middle of the country - id: 2166 start: 5428.48 duration: 3.9 text: and then I'm in and I'm in Australia and - id: 2167 start: 5430.19 duration: 4.29 text: Europe yeah yeah thanks Europe's already - id: 2168 start: 5432.38 duration: 3.569 text: sold out and then Australia has got open - id: 2169 start: 5434.48 duration: 2.94 text: "tickets I think but that's like [\___\_]" - id: 2170 start: 5435.949 duration: 2.611 text: three-month four months away that's - id: 2171 start: 5437.42 duration: 3.029 text: great were you ever gonna do Australia - id: 2172 start: 5438.56 duration: 3.63 text: yeah we're talking right now for real - id: 2173 start: 5440.449 duration: 4.141 text: yeah the main thing is I didn't want to - id: 2174 start: 5442.19 duration: 3.719 text: announce it way ahead of time I was like - id: 2175 start: 5444.59 duration: 3.839 text: you can't put me in a position where I - id: 2176 start: 5445.909 duration: 4.471 text: "get [\___\_] so we have to announce it" - id: 2177 start: 5448.429 duration: 4.02 text: closer to the date so what we want it'll - id: 2178 start: 5450.38 duration: 4.799 text: be well I mean it would I would announce - id: 2179 start: 5452.449 duration: 9.241 text: it later in the year this will be later - id: 2180 start: 5455.179 duration: 7.77 text: in the year every available yeah sure - id: 2181 start: 5461.69 duration: 2.46 text: yeah you know you got to do when they go - id: 2182 start: 5462.949 duration: 2.581 text: ladies and gentlemen put your hands - id: 2183 start: 5464.15 duration: 6.21 text: together for Tom Segura and don't walk - id: 2184 start: 5465.53 duration: 6.81 text: out onstage for 15 minutes you've - id: 2185 start: 5470.36 duration: 3.9 text: demonstrated with Joe though right and I - id: 2186 start: 5472.34 duration: 3.81 text: did the Melbourne Comedy Festival - id: 2187 start: 5474.26 duration: 4.649 text: hey what's gonna be our sober October - id: 2188 start: 5476.15 duration: 4.17 text: challenges here I don't know think about - id: 2189 start: 5478.909 duration: 2.94 text: it now so we're not thinking over the - id: 2190 start: 5480.32 duration: 3.54 text: last minute we're not doing the surf - id: 2191 start: 5481.849 duration: 3.991 text: thing I mean I don't know how he would - id: 2192 start: 5483.86 duration: 7.41 text: yeah I know plus it's October scummy - id: 2193 start: 5485.84 duration: 9.39 text: "cold as [\___\_] yeah it's really cold how" - id: 2194 start: 5491.27 duration: 7.42 text: about we eat to raise a wolf we all - id: 2195 start: 5495.23 duration: 5.83 text: children that's a great idea Bert - id: 2196 start: 5498.69 duration: 3.51 text: I'm trying to plan my touring around it - id: 2197 start: 5501.06 duration: 3.21 text: because I don't want to be touring too - id: 2198 start: 5502.2 duration: 3.75 text: aggressively in October yeah you did not - id: 2199 start: 5504.27 duration: 3.3 text: do well if you did that yeah and that's - id: 2200 start: 5505.95 duration: 3.27 text: right now I'm I would they want me to go - id: 2201 start: 5507.57 duration: 3.75 text: out every single weekend in October I - id: 2202 start: 5509.22 duration: 3.81 text: don't like I can't I can't I was sober - id: 2203 start: 5511.32 duration: 3.48 text: October's too much fun I want to be - id: 2204 start: 5513.03 duration: 2.88 text: present for it I want to be here I want - id: 2205 start: 5514.8 duration: 3.15 text: to do something where we all do it - id: 2206 start: 5515.91 duration: 3.33 text: together like we did hot yoga where it's - id: 2207 start: 5517.95 duration: 2.94 text: bringing together how's gonna say the - id: 2208 start: 5519.24 duration: 3.54 text: first one was better the first one was - id: 2209 start: 5520.89 duration: 4.41 text: better the competition got intense and - id: 2210 start: 5522.78 duration: 3.9 text: the only person I mad I didn't even talk - id: 2211 start: 5525.3 duration: 3.51 text: to Ari I couldn't even talk to Ari cuz - id: 2212 start: 5526.68 duration: 3.96 text: he was so competitive about it about - id: 2213 start: 5528.81 duration: 3.51 text: this year's yeah this year's or whatever - id: 2214 start: 5530.64 duration: 3.48 text: and I didn't talk to Joe once a we'd all - id: 2215 start: 5532.32 duration: 3.9 text: be in our text file only person I ever - id: 2216 start: 5534.12 duration: 3.66 text: spoke to was you yeah like I want to do - id: 2217 start: 5536.22 duration: 4.05 text: something his clothes of kidneys were - id: 2218 start: 5537.78 duration: 4.56 text: shutting down like he was doing stupid - id: 2219 start: 5540.27 duration: 3.42 text: "[\___\_] we can't do that we talked about it" - id: 2220 start: 5542.34 duration: 2.46 text: last night and he was like it's good to - id: 2221 start: 5543.69 duration: 3 text: know I still get that part of my brain - id: 2222 start: 5544.8 duration: 4.11 text: around where he's like ah - id: 2223 start: 5546.69 duration: 3.75 text: "oh it's survival mode let's [\___\_] go" - id: 2224 start: 5548.91 duration: 2.69 text: and I was like yeah that my brain didn't - id: 2225 start: 5550.44 duration: 3.66 text: do that at all - id: 2226 start: 5551.6 duration: 5.26 text: what don't like that mark did it bother - id: 2227 start: 5554.1 duration: 4.95 text: you what when we did sober October yeah - id: 2228 start: 5556.86 duration: 4.65 text: it's stupid I think it's horrible and it - id: 2229 start: 5559.05 duration: 5.37 text: ruins our family life it puts a wrench - id: 2230 start: 5561.51 duration: 5.31 text: in every wow she sounds like LeAnn hard - id: 2231 start: 5564.42 duration: 4.59 text: "[\___\_] core really yeah because we're" - id: 2232 start: 5566.82 duration: 3.57 text: the other half to the sober October in - id: 2233 start: 5569.01 duration: 3.03 text: fact I think she and I should do a - id: 2234 start: 5570.39 duration: 4.05 text: podcast when you guys are doing sober - id: 2235 start: 5572.04 duration: 4.53 text: October so we can let people know how - id: 2236 start: 5574.44 duration: 4.35 text: much it wreaks havoc on everybody to get - id: 2237 start: 5576.57 duration: 5.9 text: our wives to see which it which wife - id: 2238 start: 5578.79 duration: 3.68 text: could milk the most semen out of us - id: 2239 start: 5582.5 duration: 4.09 text: that's a good challenge - id: 2240 start: 5584.37 duration: 3.72 text: that's a great job I like that hey - id: 2241 start: 5586.59 duration: 4.71 text: someone dropped the artworks over - id: 2242 start: 5588.09 duration: 5.16 text: October milk the men the milkman jealous - id: 2243 start: 5591.3 duration: 4.59 text: I like this one well Ari needs a milker - id: 2244 start: 5593.25 duration: 4.26 text: he doesn't he'll find a few yeah he's - id: 2245 start: 5595.89 duration: 3.87 text: got some 25 year old hippie that makes - id: 2246 start: 5597.51 duration: 4.53 text: patchouli in New York yeah who doesn't - id: 2247 start: 5599.76 duration: 4.89 text: know what is through a table you know - id: 2248 start: 5602.04 duration: 5.19 text: yeah be fine let's see what can you guys - id: 2249 start: 5604.65 duration: 3.57 text: do that's inclusive and fun and because - id: 2250 start: 5607.23 duration: 3.24 text: I think you're right - id: 2251 start: 5608.22 duration: 4.23 text: the solo nature of the last one wasn't - id: 2252 start: 5610.47 duration: 4.17 text: fun because he wasn't enjoyable - id: 2253 start: 5612.45 duration: 4.26 text: it was interesting it's a good journey - id: 2254 start: 5614.64 duration: 4.11 text: but it wasn't it wasn't you know what - id: 2255 start: 5616.71 duration: 5.25 text: here's the thing about the hot yoga it - id: 2256 start: 5618.75 duration: 5.28 text: kind of sucks it is doable it's about - id: 2257 start: 5621.96 duration: 4.47 text: going there what if it was more like - id: 2258 start: 5624.03 duration: 5.61 text: yeah like at spin class kind of thing - id: 2259 start: 5626.43 duration: 5.61 text: like that sucks Michael but you don't - id: 2260 start: 5629.64 duration: 2.76 text: "want to go [\___\_] 15 times in a month" - id: 2261 start: 5632.04 duration: 2.16 text: you know - id: 2262 start: 5632.4 duration: 2.85 text: or what if we paired up with I mean I I - id: 2263 start: 5634.2 duration: 3 text: think all of us are pretty - id: 2264 start: 5635.25 duration: 3.9 text: anti-corporate but what if we did pair - id: 2265 start: 5637.2 duration: 5.46 text: up with a big corporation to do - id: 2266 start: 5639.15 duration: 4.56 text: something of theirs so we could I don't - id: 2267 start: 5642.66 duration: 2.13 text: know I mean we're already gonna lose - id: 2268 start: 5643.71 duration: 2.4 text: jokes he's like we're not gonna all - id: 2269 start: 5644.79 duration: 2.4 text: financially benefit officer I've worked - id: 2270 start: 5646.11 duration: 4.11 text: over I think part of the fun of it is - id: 2271 start: 5647.19 duration: 4.74 text: that it's organic you know yeah I mean - id: 2272 start: 5650.22 duration: 3.24 text: going like I think going to the like - id: 2273 start: 5651.93 duration: 3.75 text: making yourself go to the class and - id: 2274 start: 5653.46 duration: 3.81 text: knowing that you can miss a day but man - id: 2275 start: 5655.68 duration: 4.38 text: you better not miss too many that made - id: 2276 start: 5657.27 duration: 4.56 text: it interesting to me yeah I liked I mean - id: 2277 start: 5660.06 duration: 3.57 text: when are you like when we were in - id: 2278 start: 5661.83 duration: 3.78 text: Arizona and Artie was like hey we gotta - id: 2279 start: 5663.63 duration: 3.69 text: go we gotta go we have a hot yoga class - id: 2280 start: 5665.61 duration: 3.87 text: at 5:00 and then we're doing a show at - id: 2281 start: 5667.32 duration: 4.14 text: 8:00 it was kind of fun to dip out go do - id: 2282 start: 5669.48 duration: 2.49 text: hot yoga did you already do that week - id: 2283 start: 5671.46 duration: 1.83 text: with him - id: 2284 start: 5671.97 duration: 2.52 text: well then you guys weren't you guys - id: 2285 start: 5673.29 duration: 3.54 text: gonna do something like where were - id: 2286 start: 5674.49 duration: 3 text: taught Utah he did it yeah how was it it - id: 2287 start: 5676.83 duration: 3.96 text: was great - id: 2288 start: 5677.49 duration: 5.88 text: "Arya's [\___\_] hilarious to watch ski" - id: 2289 start: 5680.79 duration: 4.92 text: really is the ugliest skier you've ever - id: 2290 start: 5683.37 duration: 5.16 text: seen in your life he is first of all - id: 2291 start: 5685.71 duration: 4.86 text: he's taller and lankier than anyone out - id: 2292 start: 5688.53 duration: 4.56 text: there he dresses like he's a child - id: 2293 start: 5690.57 duration: 5.88 text: he has like stars and stripes pants a - id: 2294 start: 5693.09 duration: 5.16 text: dirk nowitzki jersey on he covers his - id: 2295 start: 5696.45 duration: 3.72 text: face all in black so it looks like he's - id: 2296 start: 5698.25 duration: 5.58 text: like one of those GI Joe men yeah and - id: 2297 start: 5700.17 duration: 5.88 text: then he skis like a pizza pie whereas he - id: 2298 start: 5703.83 duration: 6.11 text: just snow plows whole time but he goes - id: 2299 start: 5706.05 duration: 8.19 text: 60 miles an hour snow plowing like it's - id: 2300 start: 5709.94 duration: 5.44 text: disgusting yeah but he it was a fun week - id: 2301 start: 5714.24 duration: 4.11 text: "oh man all we did was talk [\___\_] about" - id: 2302 start: 5715.38 duration: 5.19 text: comedy really oh that's your favorite - id: 2303 start: 5718.35 duration: 5.1 text: thing to do the 100% you that's yours - id: 2304 start: 5720.57 duration: 6 text: too not as much as you I enjoy watching - id: 2305 start: 5723.45 duration: 5.73 text: you gossip more than anything we like - id: 2306 start: 5726.57 duration: 4.49 text: gossiping gossip Tamilians yeah but we I - id: 2307 start: 5729.18 duration: 4.71 text: mean I do you think you're like you - id: 2308 start: 5731.06 duration: 4.84 text: enhance it for me I get into it I get - id: 2309 start: 5733.89 duration: 4.08 text: into it I like to punch up yes it's fun - id: 2310 start: 5735.9 duration: 5.58 text: to watch you get excited about a target - id: 2311 start: 5737.97 duration: 5.4 text: oh dude when we went down this blue run - id: 2312 start: 5741.48 duration: 3.63 text: it's called boomer and in the middle of - id: 2313 start: 5743.37 duration: 3.69 text: boomer in Salt Lake City there's a bar - id: 2314 start: 5745.11 duration: 4.02 text: and we went down we've been skiing like - id: 2315 start: 5747.06 duration: 3.42 text: half the day but like maybe five runs we - id: 2316 start: 5749.13 duration: 2.76 text: get to this bar boomer and we sit down - id: 2317 start: 5750.48 duration: 3.12 text: when again we want a beer we want a beer - id: 2318 start: 5751.89 duration: 3.24 text: and then something pops up on the - id: 2319 start: 5753.6 duration: 2.99 text: internet and now someone's like dude - id: 2320 start: 5755.13 duration: 4.11 text: have you seen this and all of a sudden - id: 2321 start: 5756.59 duration: 4.99 text: we're it boom worth this bar for two - id: 2322 start: 5759.24 duration: 3.39 text: hours and then at one point we're like - id: 2323 start: 5761.58 duration: 1.98 text: "[\___\_] you just want to ski down to the" - id: 2324 start: 5762.63 duration: 3.17 text: bottom you're drunk and finish this - id: 2325 start: 5763.56 duration: 2.24 text: conversation - id: 2326 start: 5766.11 duration: 5.64 text: it sounds like a lot of fun dude I have - id: 2327 start: 5768.63 duration: 5.49 text: I I could talk about comedy for days oh - id: 2328 start: 5771.75 duration: 4.83 text: I know I love it I know what you do - id: 2329 start: 5774.12 duration: 3.66 text: sexting no just keeping up with stuff - id: 2330 start: 5776.58 duration: 3.03 text: don't worry what are you texting them - id: 2331 start: 5777.78 duration: 4.71 text: for don't worry I'm texting their laugh - id: 2332 start: 5779.61 duration: 5.13 text: track no I mean laugh track I hear them - id: 2333 start: 5782.49 duration: 3.54 text: cackling in there they're laughing at - id: 2334 start: 5784.74 duration: 2.58 text: moments they want to let they don't do - id: 2335 start: 5786.03 duration: 2.67 text: you think I'm instructing them but that - id: 2336 start: 5787.32 duration: 4.26 text: was a legit laugh track when I was - id: 2337 start: 5788.7 duration: 5.16 text: "outside was another [\___\_] cackle it" - id: 2338 start: 5791.58 duration: 4.14 text: you hear it again but that's that's just - id: 2339 start: 5793.86 duration: 4.62 text: "him why does he have the [\___\_] mask on" - id: 2340 start: 5795.72 duration: 8.88 text: his face he's oh he's blast kinase oh - id: 2341 start: 5798.48 duration: 10.08 text: sweet didn't want me to know I got - id: 2342 start: 5804.6 duration: 5.1 text: friends coming you mind covering up yeah - id: 2343 start: 5808.56 duration: 4.31 text: no problem - id: 2344 start: 5809.7 duration: 7.05 text: you got it legit set here I am yeah - id: 2345 start: 5812.87 duration: 5.47 text: you've seen it well not one McDonald's - id: 2346 start: 5816.75 duration: 3.36 text: are sponsoring because when they gave us - id: 2347 start: 5818.34 duration: 3.6 text: they gave us 2.3 million dollars and - id: 2348 start: 5820.11 duration: 4.53 text: they were like if you paint the set or - id: 2349 start: 5821.94 duration: 5.34 text: McDonald's colors great and when they - id: 2350 start: 5824.64 duration: 4.83 text: pulled out and Morton's jumped on and - id: 2351 start: 5827.28 duration: 5.88 text: then they fired us like two weeks ago - id: 2352 start: 5829.47 duration: 5.46 text: really yeah so what's the ideal sponsor - id: 2353 start: 5833.16 duration: 3.45 text: for you guys I mean we'd love to keep it - id: 2354 start: 5834.93 duration: 5.49 text: in the steak house wheelhouse you know - id: 2355 start: 5836.61 duration: 5.7 text: yeah I don't know man I mean we have a - id: 2356 start: 5840.42 duration: 3.3 text: couple there's this a Korean steak house - id: 2357 start: 5842.31 duration: 2.52 text: is looking to do something but the only - id: 2358 start: 5843.72 duration: 3.33 text: one throw us a few hundred bucks you - id: 2359 start: 5844.83 duration: 3.81 text: know they all right cool I'd rather I'd - id: 2360 start: 5847.05 duration: 6.18 text: rather have one of the big dogs do it - id: 2361 start: 5848.64 duration: 9.93 text: really sure like uh like a Larson's - id: 2362 start: 5853.23 duration: 8.79 text: yeah or land Mormon teach myths Oh crazy - id: 2363 start: 5858.57 duration: 4.65 text: food to go all green and white yeah that - id: 2364 start: 5862.02 duration: 3.27 text: would be great and have a guy with like - id: 2365 start: 5863.22 duration: 4.17 text: a nice little Butler coat come out yeah - id: 2366 start: 5865.29 duration: 4.83 text: are you a stake in the middle be awesome - id: 2367 start: 5867.39 duration: 4.62 text: or Houston's even I like Houston look - id: 2368 start: 5870.12 duration: 3.66 text: you see lot usually baby back ribs some - id: 2369 start: 5872.01 duration: 3.51 text: of the best ribs in the world just gonna - id: 2370 start: 5873.78 duration: 3.21 text: say that when I was pregnant with the - id: 2371 start: 5875.52 duration: 3.03 text: first kid we would go there once a week - id: 2372 start: 5876.99 duration: 6.6 text: you're gonna say his name that's how - id: 2373 start: 5878.55 duration: 8.49 text: private you are yeah we gotta get you a - id: 2374 start: 5883.59 duration: 6.06 text: travel smoker Tommy so you did you're - id: 2375 start: 5887.04 duration: 4.62 text: really you're smoking smoking meat - id: 2376 start: 5889.65 duration: 4.44 text: during the show during the show during - id: 2377 start: 5891.66 duration: 5.19 text: the day who sets it up Dave Williamson - id: 2378 start: 5894.09 duration: 5.37 text: or myself mostly day William sentence is - id: 2379 start: 5896.85 duration: 4.08 text: such an inherently bad idea we set up - id: 2380 start: 5899.46 duration: 3.57 text: the travel smoker we put out some chairs - id: 2381 start: 5900.93 duration: 3.69 text: put the awning out crack some beers and - id: 2382 start: 5903.03 duration: 3.36 text: sit on the sidewalk outside the theater - id: 2383 start: 5904.62 duration: 3.21 text: people are walking by going hey wait is - id: 2384 start: 5906.39 duration: 3.21 text: it is that you all of us I go then I'm - id: 2385 start: 5907.83 duration: 3.3 text: in who I am i go yeah they go I got a - id: 2386 start: 5909.6 duration: 4.35 text: picture don't even know who I am I make - id: 2387 start: 5911.13 duration: 4.26 text: sure hilarious and then your meats ready - id: 2388 start: 5913.95 duration: 2.79 text: by the end of the night or what oh yeah - id: 2389 start: 5915.39 duration: 5.43 text: yeah it was what we did a brisket in - id: 2390 start: 5916.74 duration: 7.41 text: Tampa we did dinosaur ribs in Orlando we - id: 2391 start: 5920.82 duration: 6.51 text: did a pulled pork in Atlanta we've done - id: 2392 start: 5924.15 duration: 5.55 text: it every we did vegan burgers in Fort - id: 2393 start: 5927.33 duration: 3.84 text: Lauderdale every night set up every - id: 2394 start: 5929.7 duration: 4.35 text: "night it's so much [\___\_] fun" - id: 2395 start: 5931.17 duration: 4.59 text: shout out to rec tech Wow dude they get - id: 2396 start: 5934.05 duration: 3.69 text: bigger great you're a girl today where - id: 2397 start: 5935.76 duration: 3.18 text: did they meet you to like give it to you - id: 2398 start: 5937.74 duration: 3.63 text: I don't know you know they sent me a - id: 2399 start: 5938.94 duration: 4.2 text: grill a while ago just I don't know they - id: 2400 start: 5941.37 duration: 4.94 text: just sent it to me and I didn't open it - id: 2401 start: 5943.14 duration: 4.65 text: I didn't even like I just like I'm busy - id: 2402 start: 5946.31 duration: 4.06 text: I'm busy - id: 2403 start: 5947.79 duration: 3.72 text: yeah a big grill and I was like I don't - id: 2404 start: 5950.37 duration: 3.57 text: have time to put it together they sent - id: 2405 start: 5951.51 duration: 3.87 text: it to and they gave me like a custom - id: 2406 start: 5953.94 duration: 3.63 text: great where it says the machine on it - id: 2407 start: 5955.38 duration: 3.57 text: and then one day I'm with the LeeAnn we - id: 2408 start: 5957.57 duration: 2.61 text: got started some time off oh my god want - id: 2409 start: 5958.95 duration: 3.06 text: to put that smoker together and I put it - id: 2410 start: 5960.18 duration: 2.94 text: together it's a really nice smoker and - id: 2411 start: 5962.01 duration: 3.42 text: then I was like hey I'm gonna smoke some - id: 2412 start: 5963.12 duration: 4.05 text: stuff tonight so I smoked some pork ribs - id: 2413 start: 5965.43 duration: 5.12 text: and the girls loved him and I was like - id: 2414 start: 5967.17 duration: 5.76 text: it's I enjoy you know I'm I am the - id: 2415 start: 5970.55 duration: 4.9 text: quintessential American like Homer - id: 2416 start: 5972.93 duration: 4.77 text: Simpson male yeah I love setting up my - id: 2417 start: 5975.45 duration: 3.78 text: grill grilling out having a beer like - id: 2418 start: 5977.7 duration: 3.66 text: I'll say this by the way you hundred - id: 2419 start: 5979.23 duration: 4.1 text: percent true I've always told people - id: 2420 start: 5981.36 duration: 4.62 text: this you're gonna excellent cook oh - id: 2421 start: 5983.33 duration: 4.78 text: thank you thank you I mean it genuinely - id: 2422 start: 5985.98 duration: 5.4 text: and sincerely you are I think back on - id: 2423 start: 5988.11 duration: 4.629 text: those early days when I was coming over - id: 2424 start: 5991.38 duration: 4.029 text: we would go over there - id: 2425 start: 5992.739 duration: 5.67 text: yeah sixth Street yeah and I was like - id: 2426 start: 5995.409 duration: 4.891 text: yeah I was I would look at going to your - id: 2427 start: 5998.409 duration: 3.391 text: place almost like you know when you go - id: 2428 start: 6000.3 duration: 5.549 text: home from college I'm gonna have some - id: 2429 start: 6001.8 duration: 7.14 text: good food oh yeah who would cook feasts - id: 2430 start: 6005.849 duration: 5.1 text: oh man those days are the best those - id: 2431 start: 6008.94 duration: 5.099 text: were I miss those days so much and yes - id: 2432 start: 6010.949 duration: 8.4 text: fine the Nicky time yeah sorry Nicky - id: 2433 start: 6014.039 duration: 7.5 text: time remember that yep I remember either - id: 2434 start: 6019.349 duration: 4.65 text: "took a [\___\_] on the roof if I got a" - id: 2435 start: 6021.539 duration: 3.6 text: get-together one time yeah she was - id: 2436 start: 6023.999 duration: 3.99 text: running around she just looked at me and - id: 2437 start: 6025.139 duration: 6.6 text: was like oh just pinched one off that's - id: 2438 start: 6027.989 duration: 4.92 text: right my parents pool one time just - id: 2439 start: 6031.739 duration: 4.26 text: jumped out of the pool pulled her - id: 2440 start: 6032.909 duration: 6.02 text: bathing suit the yard and then jump back - id: 2441 start: 6035.999 duration: 5.761 text: in the pool I was like that's my kid I - id: 2442 start: 6038.929 duration: 5.23 text: loved Europe you had a you know the - id: 2443 start: 6041.76 duration: 3.93 text: rooftop at that place and we would all - id: 2444 start: 6044.159 duration: 8.161 text: go out there and watch the sunset and - id: 2445 start: 6045.69 duration: 10.349 text: drink beer and McDonald's McDonald's - id: 2446 start: 6052.32 duration: 4.919 text: yeah that was one good time but those - id: 2447 start: 6056.039 duration: 2.821 text: were that was the beginning of - id: 2448 start: 6057.239 duration: 3.36 text: everything I think Tommy and I were just - id: 2449 start: 6058.86 duration: 5.819 text: becoming feature acts and you were - id: 2450 start: 6060.599 duration: 6.15 text: coming a headline or you remember I did - id: 2451 start: 6064.679 duration: 3.721 text: scenes before I knew anything about - id: 2452 start: 6066.749 duration: 4.171 text: bonuses you guys came over and I did - id: 2453 start: 6068.4 duration: 4.949 text: Columbus it's right when we started - id: 2454 start: 6070.92 duration: 4.349 text: doing Rogen's podcast a little bit you - id: 2455 start: 6073.349 duration: 4.02 text: guys came over and Stroupe was like hey - id: 2456 start: 6075.269 duration: 3.87 text: uh your bonuses how do you want it in - id: 2457 start: 6077.369 duration: 4.471 text: cash or in the cheque I was like I'll - id: 2458 start: 6079.139 duration: 4.261 text: give it cash and he gave me like six - id: 2459 start: 6081.84 duration: 3.06 text: thousand dollars in cash and I was like - id: 2460 start: 6083.4 duration: 2.79 text: that's you you came over to my house - id: 2461 start: 6084.9 duration: 2.489 text: that night and I was making it rain on - id: 2462 start: 6086.19 duration: 3.27 text: Isla she was on the ground and I was - id: 2463 start: 6087.389 duration: 3.931 text: just making it rain water and I was like - id: 2464 start: 6089.46 duration: 3.539 text: look at my bonus I had six thousand - id: 2465 start: 6091.32 duration: 4.379 text: dollars in cash and you were like holy - id: 2466 start: 6092.999 duration: 4.441 text: "[\___\_] I was like I know you believe this" - id: 2467 start: 6095.699 duration: 5.34 text: that's good I look back to those times - id: 2468 start: 6097.44 duration: 5.94 text: so fondly because it was like even like - id: 2469 start: 6101.039 duration: 3.75 text: little things like um you remember the - id: 2470 start: 6103.38 duration: 3.81 text: time you told me I burp a lot - id: 2471 start: 6104.789 duration: 4.531 text: yeah like we were in the car and you're - id: 2472 start: 6107.19 duration: 3.509 text: like yeah this is such like some wrong - id: 2473 start: 6109.32 duration: 2.64 text: there's something you think that if you - id: 2474 start: 6110.699 duration: 2.25 text: don't if you only know Tom for this - id: 2475 start: 6111.96 duration: 2.759 text: podcast there's a part of his - id: 2476 start: 6112.949 duration: 3.96 text: personality you don't get first of all - id: 2477 start: 6114.719 duration: 4.951 text: he me and him are very similar in that - id: 2478 start: 6116.909 duration: 5.82 text: we we write think so we'll be writing a - id: 2479 start: 6119.67 duration: 4.58 text: joke like this oh yeah yeah that face - id: 2480 start: 6122.729 duration: 3.141 text: all yeah but - id: 2481 start: 6124.25 duration: 4.98 text: and there's another part of him where he - id: 2482 start: 6125.87 duration: 5.01 text: like will like it's almost like like a - id: 2483 start: 6129.23 duration: 3.32 text: child where he looks at you and that you - id: 2484 start: 6130.88 duration: 3.48 text: can tell he's got a thought he's against - id: 2485 start: 6132.55 duration: 3.97 text: you burp a lot - id: 2486 start: 6134.36 duration: 3.75 text: I was like huh he's a here you've burped - id: 2487 start: 6136.52 duration: 3.3 text: like a hundred times in this car ride I - id: 2488 start: 6138.11 duration: 3.6 text: was like no I don't and you're like no - id: 2489 start: 6139.82 duration: 3.78 text: no you actually do yeah and then I - id: 2490 start: 6141.71 duration: 4.2 text: started going goddamnit I do burp a lot - id: 2491 start: 6143.6 duration: 4.08 text: yeah and then the next thing was I saw - id: 2492 start: 6145.91 duration: 5.01 text: him like a week later he was like guess - id: 2493 start: 6147.68 duration: 6.5 text: what I talked to my doctor and he said - id: 2494 start: 6150.92 duration: 5.16 text: there's definitely something wrong - id: 2495 start: 6154.18 duration: 4.27 text: because I told me you said it was - id: 2496 start: 6156.08 duration: 3.66 text: burping lot and then I was thinking - id: 2497 start: 6158.45 duration: 3.24 text: about I'm talking about to him and I - id: 2498 start: 6159.74 duration: 4.14 text: definitely have like some acid reflux - id: 2499 start: 6161.69 duration: 5.64 text: well I was burping I didn't realize you - id: 2500 start: 6163.88 duration: 5.04 text: still do you always go I well I do if - id: 2501 start: 6167.33 duration: 2.61 text: I'm drinking but like I was I wouldn't - id: 2502 start: 6168.92 duration: 3.93 text: even drinking we were just in the car - id: 2503 start: 6169.94 duration: 8.58 text: yeah and I was burping like a lot and - id: 2504 start: 6172.85 duration: 7.2 text: you're going I hear my air - that's my - id: 2505 start: 6178.52 duration: 3.54 text: big thing like if I make something - id: 2506 start: 6180.05 duration: 8.28 text: someone to eat something to eat and I - id: 2507 start: 6182.06 duration: 8.85 text: watch them take a bite I'll go you also - id: 2508 start: 6188.33 duration: 5.22 text: by the way aside from you yeah - id: 2509 start: 6190.91 duration: 4.41 text: like but you have told me everyone told - id: 2510 start: 6193.55 duration: 5.91 text: me my whole life they're like God you - id: 2511 start: 6195.32 duration: 6.48 text: slow down I was gonna say that look Bert - id: 2512 start: 6199.46 duration: 2.97 text: made me feel like that I was a slow - id: 2513 start: 6201.8 duration: 2.64 text: eater - id: 2514 start: 6202.43 duration: 3.27 text: oh yeah like he'd eat a steak and four - id: 2515 start: 6204.44 duration: 4.35 text: bites I was like are you all right he's - id: 2516 start: 6205.7 duration: 5.04 text: like what dude that should be I sweat - id: 2517 start: 6208.79 duration: 3.81 text: when I eat yeah no he's - id: 2518 start: 6210.74 duration: 4.05 text: you're a fast eater no I don't know if - id: 2519 start: 6212.6 duration: 4.2 text: you can do quantity but I know that you - id: 2520 start: 6214.79 duration: 3.36 text: can do speed can we incorporate this and - id: 2521 start: 6216.8 duration: 3.24 text: so broad cover maybe you're saying - id: 2522 start: 6218.15 duration: 4.71 text: summer but can you start eating faster - id: 2523 start: 6220.04 duration: 5.33 text: what I like that eating faster I don't - id: 2524 start: 6222.86 duration: 6.6 text: mean faster eating contests - id: 2525 start: 6225.37 duration: 5.32 text: "I could eat can't get [\___\_] up we're" - id: 2526 start: 6229.46 duration: 3.63 text: gonna lose Joel on an eating contest - id: 2527 start: 6230.69 duration: 4.8 text: gets fatter on October yeah you just get - id: 2528 start: 6233.09 duration: 4.86 text: the fattest that's not we got to make it - id: 2529 start: 6235.49 duration: 3.96 text: something that's no yeah he would - id: 2530 start: 6237.95 duration: 2.58 text: definitely although he would just take - id: 2531 start: 6239.45 duration: 3.78 text: it to the next level and gain a hundred - id: 2532 start: 6240.53 duration: 6.63 text: values it this week - id: 2533 start: 6243.23 duration: 7.83 text: yes I'll lose aroma jog yeah we need it - id: 2534 start: 6247.16 duration: 6.12 text: to be something that is folds and easy - id: 2535 start: 6251.06 duration: 3.87 text: to Joe in ari's life but makes it fun - id: 2536 start: 6253.28 duration: 2.19 text: for our family so which we're not you - id: 2537 start: 6254.93 duration: 2.1 text: know what I mean - id: 2538 start: 6255.47 duration: 4.26 text: good luck yeah - id: 2539 start: 6257.03 duration: 4.32 text: oh there it is oh those are not the - id: 2540 start: 6259.73 duration: 3.12 text: person talk no no I know I did a - id: 2541 start: 6261.35 duration: 2.28 text: different on purpose I was almost doing - id: 2542 start: 6262.85 duration: 2.49 text: the regular ones - id: 2543 start: 6263.63 duration: 3.81 text: what do you why do you think have you - id: 2544 start: 6265.34 duration: 3.39 text: always been a fast eater a very my dad - id: 2545 start: 6267.44 duration: 3.57 text: was a fast eater and so I looked at it's - id: 2546 start: 6268.73 duration: 4.92 text: like a rite of manhood and you'd be fast - id: 2547 start: 6271.01 duration: 6.15 text: and that's how a man active really do I - id: 2548 start: 6273.65 duration: 4.29 text: eat horrifically fast how how he's - id: 2549 start: 6277.16 duration: 4.35 text: really fast too - id: 2550 start: 6277.94 duration: 6.48 text: my dad eats real fast yeah like like I'm - id: 2551 start: 6281.51 duration: 5.13 text: like a shark like I I literally my eyes - id: 2552 start: 6284.42 duration: 4.74 text: go back in my head and I just and I just - id: 2553 start: 6286.64 duration: 4.2 text: can't stop I see I don't know how to - id: 2554 start: 6289.16 duration: 3.21 text: feel like do you do the thing it's this - id: 2555 start: 6290.84 duration: 5.58 text: a super fat person thing where you're - id: 2556 start: 6292.37 duration: 6.96 text: like well like even it's really good but - id: 2557 start: 6296.42 duration: 4.38 text: I'm totally full but like I can't not - id: 2558 start: 6299.33 duration: 3.81 text: eat everything right and then you're - id: 2559 start: 6300.8 duration: 4.17 text: like right us really hurts and you still - id: 2560 start: 6303.14 duration: 3.57 text: like keep eating you're like got and - id: 2561 start: 6304.97 duration: 4.02 text: then Clark sometimes somebody like a - id: 2562 start: 6306.71 duration: 3.3 text: sensible not fat person will be like you - id: 2563 start: 6308.99 duration: 2.79 text: know you don't have to keep eating then - id: 2564 start: 6310.01 duration: 4.14 text: you're oh yeah I didn't think about that - id: 2565 start: 6311.78 duration: 4.26 text: if someone makes me of me at all you - id: 2566 start: 6314.15 duration: 3.99 text: know no not gonna lean one part not - id: 2567 start: 6316.04 duration: 3.72 text: eaten all of it I'll eat all of it yeah - id: 2568 start: 6318.14 duration: 3.18 text: I find it disrespectful and I eat - id: 2569 start: 6319.76 duration: 3.42 text: everything last night I had fought at a - id: 2570 start: 6321.32 duration: 3.3 text: friend's house and I didn't I was not - id: 2571 start: 6323.18 duration: 3.12 text: hungry but they served me a big bowl of - id: 2572 start: 6324.62 duration: 3.06 text: pho ate the whole thing I didn't want it - id: 2573 start: 6326.3 duration: 3.33 text: I just ate it I was like you get - id: 2574 start: 6327.68 duration: 3.57 text: "diarrhea from that I was [\___\_] at the" - id: 2575 start: 6329.63 duration: 3.6 text: Comedy Store last night because of it I - id: 2576 start: 6331.25 duration: 5.04 text: how was the story I'm like that was - id: 2577 start: 6333.23 duration: 7.98 text: great it was it was great it was really - id: 2578 start: 6336.29 duration: 9.78 text: awesome um I also if I'm that way with - id: 2579 start: 6341.21 duration: 7.02 text: booze you like I cannot leave I cannot - id: 2580 start: 6346.07 duration: 3.27 text: leave a like if someone gives me over - id: 2581 start: 6348.23 duration: 3.09 text: the bottle of wine and we're gonna drink - id: 2582 start: 6349.34 duration: 3.93 text: palawan yeah we're not gonna drink half - id: 2583 start: 6351.32 duration: 3.27 text: of it right if someone gives me a beer - id: 2584 start: 6353.27 duration: 2.94 text: I'm not gonna leave I'm gonna drink the - id: 2585 start: 6354.59 duration: 4.56 text: whole beer I'm not gonna so you're not - id: 2586 start: 6356.21 duration: 4.53 text: gonna leave here unless you finish six - id: 2587 start: 6359.15 duration: 5.07 text: more beers and abala tito's I have to - id: 2588 start: 6360.74 duration: 4.71 text: finish right yeah yeah you're fine one - id: 2589 start: 6364.22 duration: 3.87 text: of the first times one of the first - id: 2590 start: 6365.45 duration: 3.87 text: times I started and drink for like six - id: 2591 start: 6368.09 duration: 4.47 text: months when I was dating Leanne because - id: 2592 start: 6369.32 duration: 4.95 text: we she dumped me for early on for - id: 2593 start: 6372.56 duration: 4.41 text: drinking no it wasn't for drinking but I - id: 2594 start: 6374.27 duration: 4.68 text: I what we got into a fight was I was - id: 2595 start: 6376.97 duration: 3.6 text: drunk when that happened and I got I - id: 2596 start: 6378.95 duration: 3.12 text: felt like alcohol betrayed me for the - id: 2597 start: 6380.57 duration: 3.33 text: first time so I was like I'm putting - id: 2598 start: 6382.07 duration: 3.12 text: alcohol in timeout and then I was like - id: 2599 start: 6383.9 duration: 2.82 text: and then I got to a place I was like - id: 2600 start: 6385.19 duration: 3.93 text: maybe I'll never drink again I thought - id: 2601 start: 6386.72 duration: 4 text: that and then we went to Italy and when - id: 2602 start: 6389.12 duration: 3.37 text: it was snowing we were in Venice it was - id: 2603 start: 6390.72 duration: 3.51 text: snowing and we were and it was like - id: 2604 start: 6392.49 duration: 4.29 text: during a vacation so gnomes on those - id: 2605 start: 6394.23 duration: 4.53 text: roads no one's on the streets and we - id: 2606 start: 6396.78 duration: 3.51 text: went to a little restaurant and it - id: 2607 start: 6398.76 duration: 3.51 text: started snowing they she said I say we - id: 2608 start: 6400.29 duration: 3.6 text: just walk around all night and I was - id: 2609 start: 6402.27 duration: 2.52 text: like I gotta be honest with you I really - id: 2610 start: 6403.89 duration: 2.94 text: want a glass of wine - id: 2611 start: 6404.79 duration: 3.99 text: and I hadn't drank or wanted to drink in - id: 2612 start: 6406.83 duration: 3.87 text: six months she goes do it I don't give a - id: 2613 start: 6408.78 duration: 3.45 text: "[\___\_] and I was like really yeah she goes" - id: 2614 start: 6410.7 duration: 2.4 text: I don't give a drinking problem I just - id: 2615 start: 6412.23 duration: 3.45 text: think you drank a lot - id: 2616 start: 6413.1 duration: 4.14 text: but here's now this is going from not - id: 2617 start: 6415.68 duration: 2.67 text: drinking at all so I have a couple - id: 2618 start: 6417.24 duration: 2.94 text: glasses wine they bring the bottle out - id: 2619 start: 6418.35 duration: 2.91 text: and I go we're not gonna leave the - id: 2620 start: 6420.18 duration: 2.7 text: "[\___\_] bottle we got a murder the" - id: 2621 start: 6421.26 duration: 3.3 text: goddamn bottle like I'm not gonna and I - id: 2622 start: 6422.88 duration: 3.66 text: hadn't drank it all I had one glass I - id: 2623 start: 6424.56 duration: 3.09 text: felt really buzzed you know we're - id: 2624 start: 6426.54 duration: 3.45 text: killing the whole bottle now I'm burping - id: 2625 start: 6427.65 duration: 3.39 text: a lot I noticed it yeah and then we - id: 2626 start: 6429.99 duration: 2.49 text: killed the bottle we walked out in the - id: 2627 start: 6431.04 duration: 2.13 text: snow was one of those romantic nights I - id: 2628 start: 6432.48 duration: 2.61 text: ever had in my life - id: 2629 start: 6433.17 duration: 5.04 text: "I was [\___\_] great where was this in in" - id: 2630 start: 6435.09 duration: 5.16 text: Venice in Italy and just snow it just - id: 2631 start: 6438.21 duration: 3.81 text: started falling it was brand-new - id: 2632 start: 6440.25 duration: 3.81 text: snow-covered streets no one had walked - id: 2633 start: 6442.02 duration: 3.72 text: on it it was like midnight and it was - id: 2634 start: 6444.06 duration: 2.82 text: right after New Year's Eve so everything - id: 2635 start: 6445.74 duration: 2.67 text: was shut it's like your honeymoon - id: 2636 start: 6446.88 duration: 4.02 text: no no it says she thought I was gonna - id: 2637 start: 6448.41 duration: 4.53 text: propose to her but yeah and I didn't I - id: 2638 start: 6450.9 duration: 3.6 text: did it in my bed instead later it's the - id: 2639 start: 6452.94 duration: 4.62 text: way that you walked through and she was - id: 2640 start: 6454.5 duration: 7.17 text: like here it is again like oh I gotta - id: 2641 start: 6457.56 duration: 8.31 text: "take a [\___\_] pretty bad tie my shoe huh" - id: 2642 start: 6461.67 duration: 5.12 text: what are you crying for wait why did she - id: 2643 start: 6465.87 duration: 3.12 text: dump you - id: 2644 start: 6466.79 duration: 6.07 text: first we got into a fight with her - id: 2645 start: 6468.99 duration: 5.34 text: friend and I wouldn't let it go her - id: 2646 start: 6472.86 duration: 4.23 text: friend picked a fight with me at a - id: 2647 start: 6474.33 duration: 5.13 text: dinner and I wouldn't let it go and I I - id: 2648 start: 6477.09 duration: 4.41 text: like after three days I was still upset - id: 2649 start: 6479.46 duration: 4.08 text: with it and she and I hadn't said I love - id: 2650 start: 6481.5 duration: 6.36 text: you to her yet she had said I love you - id: 2651 start: 6483.54 duration: 6.09 text: "to me and I hormones yeah what the [\___\_]" - id: 2652 start: 6487.86 duration: 4.83 text: she's like I love you you're like cool I - id: 2653 start: 6489.63 duration: 4.83 text: said cool yeah she goes I said no - id: 2654 start: 6492.69 duration: 4.26 text: actually I said she goes I love you and - id: 2655 start: 6494.46 duration: 5.67 text: I said you do so yeah and you love me - id: 2656 start: 6496.95 duration: 6.42 text: and I said I do oh yeah and I was like - id: 2657 start: 6500.13 duration: 4.65 text: cool oh and I just wasn't I wasn't I - id: 2658 start: 6503.37 duration: 3.3 text: wasn't ready to settle down I didn't - id: 2659 start: 6504.78 duration: 3.78 text: want to like I didn't know I didn't want - id: 2660 start: 6506.67 duration: 5.88 text: to put labels on it I don't really the - id: 2661 start: 6508.56 duration: 5.73 text: time 28 god you guys are old now it's - id: 2662 start: 6512.55 duration: 4.71 text: hell you're gonna get her a minute I - id: 2663 start: 6514.29 duration: 8.42 text: would because I'm a grown ass kids me oh - id: 2664 start: 6517.26 duration: 10.89 text: yeah we have babies in this forever no - id: 2665 start: 6522.71 duration: 7.57 text: "[\___\_] started crazy dude I was 33 when" - id: 2666 start: 6528.15 duration: 3.27 text: you were when I was when but that's not - id: 2667 start: 6530.28 duration: 3.63 text: that different your than seven years - id: 2668 start: 6531.42 duration: 4.23 text: yeah older it's not that I'm not seven - id: 2669 start: 6533.91 duration: 3.18 text: years old or you're seven years older no - id: 2670 start: 6535.65 duration: 4.32 text: you're seven years older than I was when - id: 2671 start: 6537.09 duration: 4.86 text: I had kids oh really yeah oh so it's not - id: 2672 start: 6539.97 duration: 5.43 text: that bad wait how old were you and - id: 2673 start: 6541.95 duration: 7.74 text: Georgia was born thirty George I'm 46 - id: 2674 start: 6545.4 duration: 6.89 text: now she's 14 so 32 okay so we got no I - id: 2675 start: 6549.69 duration: 6.81 text: was 32 when we got married he was yeah I - id: 2676 start: 6552.29 duration: 6.97 text: was 36 when you had the Ellis the oldest - id: 2677 start: 6556.5 duration: 4.41 text: yeah oh you say his name now yeah well I - id: 2678 start: 6559.26 duration: 4.86 text: say the oldest for 36 that's not too bad - id: 2679 start: 6560.91 duration: 5.31 text: no it's not too bad the old one yeah - id: 2680 start: 6564.12 duration: 3.39 text: he's gonna be a hundred when his kids in - id: 2681 start: 6566.22 duration: 2.91 text: kindergarten well he's gonna go to that - id: 2682 start: 6567.51 duration: 3.51 text: high school graduation and they'll be - id: 2683 start: 6569.13 duration: 7.59 text: like your granddad's so only - id: 2684 start: 6571.02 duration: 8.19 text: mean-looking oh my gosh that's my dad - id: 2685 start: 6576.72 duration: 5.04 text: come on hey I'll be able to smoke pot - id: 2686 start: 6579.21 duration: 3.99 text: with my kids yeah I've been like 55 in - id: 2687 start: 6581.76 duration: 1.68 text: Georgia's in college yeah that's pretty - id: 2688 start: 6583.2 duration: 5.52 text: cool - id: 2689 start: 6583.44 duration: 6.81 text: yeah boy like when they come home from - id: 2690 start: 6588.72 duration: 4.53 text: the they'll bring a friend when they - id: 2691 start: 6590.25 duration: 7.53 text: come hey you guys wanna rage tonight - id: 2692 start: 6593.25 duration: 6.87 text: that's gonna get the cue fire some - id: 2693 start: 6597.78 duration: 4.08 text: smoked dinosaur barbecue ribs uh dad's - id: 2694 start: 6600.12 duration: 3.27 text: got a speedo on George we got a pool - id: 2695 start: 6601.86 duration: 6.21 text: board and her friends are gonna be like - id: 2696 start: 6603.39 duration: 6.03 text: your tats so much fun yeah George's - id: 2697 start: 6608.07 duration: 3.39 text: friends do not think I'm fun at all - id: 2698 start: 6609.42 duration: 3.93 text: "think now who [\___\_] about me really yeah" - id: 2699 start: 6611.46 duration: 2.58 text: I'll his friends could give two shits no - id: 2700 start: 6613.35 duration: 2.7 text: one cares - id: 2701 start: 6614.04 duration: 3.99 text: at all none of the friends none of them - id: 2702 start: 6616.05 duration: 3.75 text: right I figured that some of the friends - id: 2703 start: 6618.03 duration: 4.23 text: here's the thing are any of the friends - id: 2704 start: 6619.8 duration: 4.14 text: guys boys no yeah when they start having - id: 2705 start: 6622.26 duration: 3.33 text: I don't I mean like I mean a boyfriend - id: 2706 start: 6623.94 duration: 4.02 text: but like a friend that's a boy - id: 2707 start: 6625.59 duration: 5.31 text: the friends are gonna go nuts for you - id: 2708 start: 6627.96 duration: 4.14 text: but if like oh this is a you know Kyle I - id: 2709 start: 6630.9 duration: 3.24 text: have class with him he's gonna go - id: 2710 start: 6632.1 duration: 2.79 text: "[\___\_] crazy your dad's a machine oh" - id: 2711 start: 6634.14 duration: 1.89 text: he's gonna love it - id: 2712 start: 6634.89 duration: 2.58 text: he's gonna love it and then they'll end - id: 2713 start: 6636.03 duration: 3.33 text: up attracting just a bunch of - id: 2714 start: 6637.47 duration: 4.8 text: mouth-breathing window the girls yeah - id: 2715 start: 6639.36 duration: 4.17 text: all dude I could do keg stands yeah yeah - id: 2716 start: 6642.27 duration: 5 text: I should have a pizza box to win - id: 2717 start: 6643.53 duration: 3.74 text: election dude I'm just like your dad - id: 2718 start: 6647.34 duration: 3.91 text: when they start dating yep they're - id: 2719 start: 6649.66 duration: 3.6 text: wiring you know that you've wired them - id: 2720 start: 6651.25 duration: 4.38 text: to like it's like you know they're gonna - id: 2721 start: 6653.26 duration: 4.65 text: go right date a guy like your dad I did - id: 2722 start: 6655.63 duration: 4.65 text: "in the past before Tom and I [\___\_]" - id: 2723 start: 6657.91 duration: 11.85 text: hated it it was such torture for me - id: 2724 start: 6660.28 duration: 11.1 text: noise running car washes you get in the - id: 2725 start: 6669.76 duration: 12.5 text: car you dress nice put on the red - id: 2726 start: 6671.38 duration: 14.46 text: lipstick all right let's go gold chain - id: 2727 start: 6682.26 duration: 5.74 text: no way Tommy is the opposite of - id: 2728 start: 6685.84 duration: 3.45 text: everything in my family but that's why I - id: 2729 start: 6688 duration: 3.63 text: was so attracted to him because he's - id: 2730 start: 6689.29 duration: 4.95 text: like stable and sane and kind and he - id: 2731 start: 6691.63 duration: 5.64 text: does what he says he's gonna do and like - id: 2732 start: 6694.24 duration: 5.1 text: he's just sweet her him do you feel like - id: 2733 start: 6697.27 duration: 4.8 text: and I'll say this I know that you're - id: 2734 start: 6699.34 duration: 4.98 text: successful but none of us in this room - id: 2735 start: 6702.07 duration: 3.99 text: are successful Tommy of course you feel - id: 2736 start: 6704.32 duration: 7.56 text: like you picked the right horse oh my - id: 2737 start: 6706.06 duration: 11.1 text: god all the time one of your friends is - id: 2738 start: 6711.88 duration: 6.36 text: gonna be famous and I'd be like oh I say - id: 2739 start: 6717.16 duration: 3.48 text: to him all the time - id: 2740 start: 6718.24 duration: 5.55 text: what do I tell you Tommy I say to you - id: 2741 start: 6720.64 duration: 5.85 text: you tell you said she goes he's a winner - id: 2742 start: 6723.79 duration: 4.77 text: yeah no I knew you were a winner here's - id: 2743 start: 6726.49 duration: 3.81 text: a truth burnt shot is that I knew Tommy - id: 2744 start: 6728.56 duration: 3.24 text: was a goddamn winner from the moment - id: 2745 start: 6730.3 duration: 3.24 text: that I met him you know man we're all - id: 2746 start: 6731.8 duration: 2.94 text: "[\___\_] open mic errs well you're in a" - id: 2747 start: 6733.54 duration: 4.02 text: class ahead of us remember but like - id: 2748 start: 6734.74 duration: 4.47 text: Tommy was 23 and he was funnier than - id: 2749 start: 6737.56 duration: 4.02 text: everybody like he's the kind that - id: 2750 start: 6739.21 duration: 4.2 text: started stand-up and was amazing it's - id: 2751 start: 6741.58 duration: 6.15 text: tough when I bombed in front of Burt 10 - id: 2752 start: 6743.41 duration: 6.48 text: "times yeah but you also think [\___\_]" - id: 2753 start: 6747.73 duration: 3.42 text: your thinking was straight I always knew - id: 2754 start: 6749.89 duration: 2.79 text: that you would be I'll tell you what - id: 2755 start: 6751.15 duration: 5.61 text: I'll tell you when I knew Tommy was a - id: 2756 start: 6752.68 duration: 6.48 text: winner yeah is uh we did a TV show and - id: 2757 start: 6756.76 duration: 3.69 text: they were like hey I was like we need to - id: 2758 start: 6759.16 duration: 3.84 text: bring in a writer do you've any - id: 2759 start: 6760.45 duration: 4.59 text: suggestions I go my buddy Tom Segura is - id: 2760 start: 6763 duration: 5.25 text: a really great comic he could be writer - id: 2761 start: 6765.04 duration: 4.68 text: and I was I think I was doing birth - id: 2762 start: 6768.25 duration: 2.97 text: conquer at the time so I went to do - id: 2763 start: 6769.72 duration: 5.04 text: birth conquer I came back a week later - id: 2764 start: 6771.22 duration: 4.83 text: and um had not only taken the head - id: 2765 start: 6774.76 duration: 3.42 text: writers job he was also executive - id: 2766 start: 6776.05 duration: 4.8 text: producing the show - id: 2767 start: 6778.18 duration: 8.01 text: guys was the executive producer was now - id: 2768 start: 6780.85 duration: 7.2 text: doing crowd control there you go the - id: 2769 start: 6786.19 duration: 3.27 text: "whole [\___\_] show he's like so here's" - id: 2770 start: 6788.05 duration: 3.36 text: the breakdown I'll show you how it works - id: 2771 start: 6789.46 duration: 4.95 text: and he's show ran the whole show and I - id: 2772 start: 6791.41 duration: 6.74 text: "was like shut the [\___\_] up and that show" - id: 2773 start: 6794.41 duration: 7.35 text: "was the funniest that show [\___\_] show" - id: 2774 start: 6798.15 duration: 6.85 text: called buzzed that I remember yeah yeah - id: 2775 start: 6801.76 duration: 6.45 text: "[\___\_] brainer like yeah and he was but" - id: 2776 start: 6805 duration: 5.79 text: that's why he's - if it makes sense it - id: 2777 start: 6808.21 duration: 4.05 text: was designed for Bert like yeah - id: 2778 start: 6810.79 duration: 5.06 text: literally you couldn't have anybody else - id: 2779 start: 6812.26 duration: 6.48 text: and the pilot was hilarious hilarious - id: 2780 start: 6815.85 duration: 5.92 text: and they not that they they shut it down - id: 2781 start: 6818.74 duration: 4.44 text: immediately yeah like it wasn't easy was - id: 2782 start: 6821.77 duration: 2.82 text: involved yeah and they're like the - id: 2783 start: 6823.18 duration: 4.11 text: show's called but but there's those - id: 2784 start: 6824.59 duration: 4.86 text: dating shows or they put booze and all - id: 2785 start: 6827.29 duration: 4.38 text: those people the premise the blind-date - id: 2786 start: 6829.45 duration: 4.56 text: show is boozing no no no I know I - id: 2787 start: 6831.67 duration: 3.81 text: remember that yes I remember it had a - id: 2788 start: 6834.01 duration: 6.75 text: segment for those you listening we had a - id: 2789 start: 6835.48 duration: 8.07 text: segment called called was it a liquid or - id: 2790 start: 6840.76 duration: 4.38 text: stick it yeah where it was like we put - id: 2791 start: 6843.55 duration: 3.27 text: up a slow at celebrity and you have to - id: 2792 start: 6845.14 duration: 4.05 text: guess if she was straight or gay yeah - id: 2793 start: 6846.82 duration: 4.85 text: and so hilarious it was hilarious and it - id: 2794 start: 6849.19 duration: 5.01 text: was like it was like Hilary Swank - id: 2795 start: 6851.67 duration: 5.02 text: Jennifer Garner and then it was Jamie - id: 2796 start: 6854.2 duration: 4.62 text: Lee Curtis and this guy goes stick hit - id: 2797 start: 6856.69 duration: 3.78 text: "my dad [\___\_] her and we're like what" - id: 2798 start: 6858.82 duration: 3.51 text: "and he goes my dad [\___\_] Jamie Lee Curtis" - id: 2799 start: 6860.47 duration: 4.2 text: and I go I was heard she's a - id: 2800 start: 6862.33 duration: 2.85 text: hermaphrodite and he goes no my dad - id: 2801 start: 6864.67 duration: 2.43 text: "[\___\_]" - id: 2802 start: 6865.18 duration: 3.69 text: "but then again would my dad say [\___\_] -" - id: 2803 start: 6867.1 duration: 3.39 text: dude probably not there's only one way - id: 2804 start: 6868.87 duration: 2.85 text: to find out I'm gonna call him and we go - id: 2805 start: 6870.49 duration: 3.96 text: I go if you call him you get an extra - id: 2806 start: 6871.72 duration: 4.74 text: hundred dollars on speakerphone speaker - id: 2807 start: 6874.45 duration: 3.98 text: "money goes dad did you [\___\_] Jamie Lee" - id: 2808 start: 6876.46 duration: 8.85 text: Curtis and his down on the back goes - id: 2809 start: 6878.43 duration: 8.62 text: affirmative each other yeah we these two - id: 2810 start: 6885.31 duration: 5.6 text: Mexican guys and Tom had a segment - id: 2811 start: 6887.05 duration: 7.41 text: called Mexican - id: 2812 start: 6890.91 duration: 3.55 text: '[Laughter]' - id: 2813 start: 6903.12 duration: 3.76 text: yeah they're like she kills it she's - id: 2814 start: 6905.26 duration: 3.66 text: Mexican we're like not she's Puerto - id: 2815 start: 6906.88 duration: 4.35 text: Rican this show is so great we got these - id: 2816 start: 6908.92 duration: 3.179 text: girls in these hot three girls and there - id: 2817 start: 6911.23 duration: 2.369 text: was this thing we're gonna - id: 2818 start: 6912.099 duration: 3.78 text: one girl put lipstick on another girl - id: 2819 start: 6913.599 duration: 4.471 text: with her toes yeah like hold it and draw - id: 2820 start: 6915.879 duration: 4.74 text: it and no and do lipstick oh yeah with - id: 2821 start: 6918.07 duration: 4.949 text: the results and then she goes can I do - id: 2822 start: 6920.619 duration: 4.92 text: it with my tits no no no this is exactly - id: 2823 start: 6923.019 duration: 3.66 text: how I go so ladies I don't know if you - id: 2824 start: 6925.539 duration: 2.64 text: notice this but none of you wearing - id: 2825 start: 6926.679 duration: 3.331 text: lipstick one of my favorite things in - id: 2826 start: 6928.179 duration: 3.391 text: the world is a woman with lipstick so - id: 2827 start: 6930.01 duration: 4.02 text: the challenge is now and she goes to put - id: 2828 start: 6931.57 duration: 6.119 text: it on with my tits and I went yes it is - id: 2829 start: 6934.03 duration: 4.949 text: yes and she goes what if I put it on her - id: 2830 start: 6937.689 duration: 6.78 text: with my tits I'm like that will work - id: 2831 start: 6938.979 duration: 7.62 text: also the fact is you guys were drinking - id: 2832 start: 6944.469 duration: 4.23 text: during the show and I don't problem - id: 2833 start: 6946.599 duration: 5.28 text: Widow here's the here's not I was not - id: 2834 start: 6948.699 duration: 5.101 text: the guest could could be on buzzed they - id: 2835 start: 6951.879 duration: 5.07 text: were on buzzed but with what they blew - id: 2836 start: 6953.8 duration: 6.419 text: was their bank account so if you boy it - id: 2837 start: 6956.949 duration: 5.79 text: blew up 2.25 then we added a zero at the - id: 2838 start: 6960.219 duration: 4.5 text: end and you started the bank with $250 - id: 2839 start: 6962.739 duration: 3.15 text: and on the ride home you could win more - id: 2840 start: 6964.719 duration: 3.24 text: money but that's the money you had again - id: 2841 start: 6965.889 duration: 3.451 text: remember the my favorite segment was - id: 2842 start: 6967.959 duration: 3 text: that was I would read a description - id: 2843 start: 6969.34 duration: 5.599 text: you'd guess that this was a television - id: 2844 start: 6970.959 duration: 8.46 text: show or not so I'd be like you know like - id: 2845 start: 6974.939 duration: 7.69 text: a divorced mother or a struggling family - id: 2846 start: 6979.419 duration: 5.131 text: in the Midwest the mother works at a - id: 2847 start: 6982.629 duration: 3.93 text: plant and the father does this and they - id: 2848 start: 6984.55 duration: 3.719 text: have three children and then they would - id: 2849 start: 6986.559 duration: 3.511 text: be like yeah that's yeah that's a real - id: 2850 start: 6988.269 duration: 4.71 text: show but then we could come up with - id: 2851 start: 6990.07 duration: 8.099 text: these ridiculous descriptions of shows - id: 2852 start: 6992.979 duration: 8.31 text: so it would be like a man lost his legs - id: 2853 start: 6998.169 duration: 6.06 text: in a war but through the through prayer - id: 2854 start: 7001.289 duration: 6.77 text: he became a champion boxer and they're - id: 2855 start: 7004.229 duration: 7.83 text: like that's a real show just try to miss - id: 2856 start: 7008.059 duration: 5.41 text: with this absurd descriptions and they - id: 2857 start: 7012.059 duration: 2.94 text: would get most of them wrong - id: 2858 start: 7013.469 duration: 3.78 text: like even ones that were blatantly - id: 2859 start: 7014.999 duration: 3.93 text: clearly made up oh dude - id: 2860 start: 7017.249 duration: 3.091 text: do you remember what the guy was on his - id: 2861 start: 7018.929 duration: 3.93 text: first date with his chick and what I - id: 2862 start: 7020.34 duration: 5.309 text: have you ever performed oral sex on an - id: 2863 start: 7022.859 duration: 4.38 text: animal he goes a chick monks once and - id: 2864 start: 7025.649 duration: 3.361 text: one like excuse me - guys hold on let me - id: 2865 start: 7027.239 duration: 10.62 text: explain I was like uh your deviling is - id: 2866 start: 7029.01 duration: 10.77 text: Wayne he was it fell out of a tree who's - id: 2867 start: 7037.859 duration: 3.27 text: "the funniest [\___\_] joke but they" - id: 2868 start: 7039.78 duration: 3.569 text: cancelled it they canceled it - id: 2869 start: 7041.129 duration: 3.87 text: immediately yeah and then they're like - id: 2870 start: 7043.349 duration: 2.491 text: it has alcohol we're like you you paid - id: 2871 start: 7044.999 duration: 3.24 text: for this show - id: 2872 start: 7045.84 duration: 4.649 text: called buzzed yeah they did a shot at - id: 2873 start: 7048.239 duration: 4.411 text: Comedy Central to celebrate it they lay - id: 2874 start: 7050.489 duration: 4.021 text: under all the pilots they did a shot - id: 2875 start: 7052.65 duration: 3.18 text: they loved it turn the lights on they're - id: 2876 start: 7054.51 duration: 3.149 text: like how many episodes are we picking up - id: 2877 start: 7055.83 duration: 4.13 text: guy raised his hands from ad sales he - id: 2878 start: 7057.659 duration: 4.801 text: said zero because I can't sell that show - id: 2879 start: 7059.96 duration: 3.79 text: it's really cool nobody's on that before - id: 2880 start: 7062.46 duration: 4.529 text: they ordered the pilot well you would - id: 2881 start: 7063.75 duration: 5.219 text: think so you think so yeah you got - id: 2882 start: 7066.989 duration: 3.63 text: something there gene no no you doodling - id: 2883 start: 7068.969 duration: 4.411 text: all right - id: 2884 start: 7070.619 duration: 6.781 text: the body shots world tour is is - id: 2885 start: 7073.38 duration: 6.12 text: everywhere he's going to look seems like - id: 2886 start: 7077.4 duration: 4.14 text: there's some tickets left in Australia - id: 2887 start: 7079.5 duration: 3.15 text: maybe Australia is got some tickets left - id: 2888 start: 7081.54 duration: 4.52 text: it's a little ways away - id: 2889 start: 7082.65 duration: 10.739 text: I think Europe's entirely sold out I - id: 2890 start: 7086.06 duration: 9.25 text: will be in DC New Jersey Philly wise - id: 2891 start: 7093.389 duration: 5.871 text: guys have sold out Paramount and Denver - id: 2892 start: 7095.31 duration: 7.619 text: on the 23rd and then ending it in - id: 2893 start: 7099.26 duration: 6.339 text: Wisconsin Milwaukee and Minnesota at the - id: 2894 start: 7102.929 duration: 4.23 text: end of March awesome it's been the - id: 2895 start: 7105.599 duration: 5.281 text: greatest I'll be dead honest with you - id: 2896 start: 7107.159 duration: 5.46 text: man I for those those that do or don't - id: 2897 start: 7110.88 duration: 4.2 text: know Tommy and I are really good friends - id: 2898 start: 7112.619 duration: 4.381 text: and so we talk a lot and to watch your - id: 2899 start: 7115.08 duration: 3.72 text: tours and to see you do all these tours - id: 2900 start: 7117 duration: 2.58 text: and to look at him and go I wonder what - id: 2901 start: 7118.8 duration: 2.85 text: that's like I wonder if it's - id: 2902 start: 7119.58 duration: 3.75 text: overwhelming I wonder like just have all - id: 2903 start: 7121.65 duration: 3.569 text: those spots in your head and then to do - id: 2904 start: 7123.33 duration: 3.059 text: it for the first time dude it's the - id: 2905 start: 7125.219 duration: 2.52 text: favorite it's the favorite thing I've - id: 2906 start: 7126.389 duration: 3.06 text: ever done in this business ever this - id: 2907 start: 7127.739 duration: 3.601 text: tour yeah is the greatest thing I've - id: 2908 start: 7129.449 duration: 4.44 text: ever done I've never had more fun ever - id: 2909 start: 7131.34 duration: 4.83 text: "in my entire life and I [\___\_] I just I" - id: 2910 start: 7133.889 duration: 4.881 text: honestly only wish that we were doing it - id: 2911 start: 7136.17 duration: 5.61 text: together now like it would be fun to be - id: 2912 start: 7138.77 duration: 5.32 text: on a tour bus together or have to tour - id: 2913 start: 7141.78 duration: 4.26 text: but and going into cities it would be so - id: 2914 start: 7144.09 duration: 4.23 text: "much [\___\_] fun I look at I look at" - id: 2915 start: 7146.04 duration: 5.909 text: past torreón going mad Joe would have - id: 2916 start: 7148.32 duration: 5.37 text: loved this yeah Joey Ari and red bam - id: 2917 start: 7151.949 duration: 3.631 text: back in the day and the day he would - id: 2918 start: 7153.69 duration: 3.6 text: have loved it would have been it would - id: 2919 start: 7155.58 duration: 4.2 text: change his life but it would have been - id: 2920 start: 7157.29 duration: 4.44 text: it's a game changer that's my next goal - id: 2921 start: 7159.78 duration: 4.83 text: is to get like do a big tour with all of - id: 2922 start: 7161.73 duration: 5.07 text: us and just tour bus caravan like - id: 2923 start: 7164.61 duration: 4.109 text: "[\___\_] a band yeah just pulling into" - id: 2924 start: 7166.8 duration: 4.73 text: venues like that well then you can wrap - id: 2925 start: 7168.719 duration: 7.561 text: all the buses and each individual guy's - id: 2926 start: 7171.53 duration: 5.859 text: face Ari's bus this was Tom's bus and - id: 2927 start: 7176.28 duration: 3.7 text: then and we get let the other people - id: 2928 start: 7177.389 duration: 5.201 text: pick the wrappings for the bus - id: 2929 start: 7179.98 duration: 4.92 text: man we got to do that Ferrari oh I'd - id: 2930 start: 7182.59 duration: 4.44 text: love this black hole we do pothole then - id: 2931 start: 7184.9 duration: 3.96 text: we put like what I wanted to do during - id: 2932 start: 7187.03 duration: 4.5 text: the sober October thing was getting a - id: 2933 start: 7188.86 duration: 9.03 text: rental car with just like honk if you - id: 2934 start: 7191.53 duration: 8.67 text: think I'm funny I like that do you like - id: 2935 start: 7197.89 duration: 4.71 text: jokes knock on my window yeah let me - id: 2936 start: 7200.2 duration: 4.47 text: "know yeah call 1-800 go [\___\_] yourself" - id: 2937 start: 7202.6 duration: 13.94 text: yeah yeah put his real phone number on - id: 2938 start: 7204.67 duration: 16.29 text: "the side today [\___\_] I love you buddy" - id: 2939 start: 7216.54 duration: 6.16 text: the tour and oh oh so check out Leanne's - id: 2940 start: 7220.96 duration: 3.84 text: podcast wait check - check out why for - id: 2941 start: 7222.7 duration: 3.66 text: the party my wife's podcast they see - id: 2942 start: 7224.8 duration: 3.9 text: coming out on it coming up - id: 2943 start: 7226.36 duration: 4.5 text: i-i'll issen to it I love her I love - id: 2944 start: 7228.7 duration: 4.61 text: hearing her talk about stuff she's great - id: 2945 start: 7230.86 duration: 5.61 text: oh I think she's wonderful - id: 2946 start: 7233.31 duration: 7.11 text: larry's yeah all right that's it for us - id: 2947 start: 7236.47 duration: 3.95 text: we'll see you guys next week bye bye - id: 2948 start: 7241.2 duration: 17.199 text: '[Music]' - id: 2949 start: 7264.48 duration: 5.37 text: '[Music]' - id: 2950 start: 7273.09 duration: 21.209 text: '[Music]' - id: 2951 start: 7298.6 duration: 5.87 text: '[Music]' - id: 2952 start: 7315.29 duration: 4.119 text: '[Music]' - id: 2953 start: 7324.92 duration: 3.059 text: '[Music]' - id: 2954 start: 7333.51 duration: 11.59 text: '[Music]' - id: 2955 start: 7361.84 duration: 5.38 text: '[Music]' - id: 2956 start: 7375.32 duration: 7.159 text: '[Music]' - id: 2957 start: 7394.23 duration: 29.429 text: '[Music]' - id: 2958 start: 7427.54 duration: 5.1 text: '[Music]' - id: 2959 start: 7435.41 duration: 22.17 text: '[Music]' '422': description: Validation Error content: application/json: schema: $ref: '#/components/schemas/Get_youtube_video_subtitles_Response422' example: detail: - loc: [] msg: '' type: '' security: - ApiKeyAuth: [] components: schemas: Get_youtube_video_subtitles_Response: title: VideoCaptions type: object properties: lang: title: Lang type: string is_available: title: Is Available type: boolean default: false subtitles: title: Subtitles type: array items: title: Subtitle type: object properties: id: title: Id type: integer start: title: Start type: number duration: title: Duration type: number text: title: Text type: string description: Schema Class for a Youtube video captions Get_youtube_video_subtitles_Response422: title: HTTPValidationError type: object properties: detail: title: Detail type: array items: title: ValidationError required: - loc - msg - type type: object properties: loc: title: Location type: array items: anyOf: - 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